I just got married but not sure it's for me...?

Question

I just got married a week and a half ago and I am having a really hard time adjusting. I'm so used to living alone and taking care of myself, that living with someone is really hard to me. There's usually at least one point in every day where I wish my husband would just go away so I could be alone. Is this normal!? Obviously I love my husband but so far I am not really enjoying marriage. I'm not going to make any rash decisions, but I'm wondering if this is normal. You'd think that during this "honeymoon" period I'd be all ga ga and basking in the glory of marriage... not so. :(

Answer 1

This is normal for newly wedds..but you must accept the fact that you have a husband. Do not be selfish, give a few months and you will get use to living with your husband.  

Answer 2

I love my husband but really enjoy my alone time.

Answer 3

I think it is normal - as long as you adapt and try to make things work for yourself. I used to live by myself for 4 years or so and it was nice, then I got my boyfriend and we quickly moved in together but I love it and so does he. It really depends on the person and how you feel. Talk with your husband and see what he feels, he may be in the same boat. Don't bottle things up like this with him because it isn't fair and I am sure he can notice a difference to a point. Communication is so important, make sure you both understand that.

Answer 4

I hate that "honeymoon" phrase. It's so stereotypical and misleading. The first year of marriage is the hardest. I know. We're going on our 7 month anniversary & already in marriage counseling. Geesh. Talk about the honeymoon being over. I'll tell you right now though - it gets better. I'm very independent & used to doing everything for myself. Marriage requires you to get past all that - to depend on eachother & help eachother. It's taken a lot of getting used to... a lot of adjustments on both my husband's end AND my end. But we're doing alright. There's still times I wish he'd just go away & it could be just me & my daughter again like it was. But I made the decision to get married; and at the end of the day, I do really love my husband & frankly, couldn't imagine life without him. So yes. It's natural to feel that way sometimes. You're just adjusting. It takes time. Good luck to you & your husband!  

Answer 5

That's why you should moved in together before you get married.

Answer 6

This is actually extremely common, especially if you didn't live together prior to marrying.  I feel it's important to live with one another before getting married and pledging your lives to each other -- but that's just my opinion, and it's a little late for that anyway.

What you're experiencing is "buyers remorse."  You feel like you possibly made a bad decision in deciding to get married, and you're feeling trapped.  This is very common, and you're not alone.  

Please, run out right now (or order it online, I'll provide a link) and get the book "The Complete Idiots Guide to the Perfect Marriage."  It has wonderful advice on how to make your marriage flourish -- and actually has a COMPLETE chapter on dealing with thinking bad thoughts about or regretting your marriage after the honeymoon when you're still newlyweds.  Please please read it -- it's amazing and really helped myself and my husband!

Good luck!

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksea...

Answer 7

My wife and I figured this one out. Everyone needs personal space. Some days you just gotta go off by yourself.

Don't be afraid to talk about this with your spouse. Remind him it's not a lack of desire for him, but part of your personality.

This is nothing new from either s*x. Just make sure you are both clear on how you feel.

Answer 8

This is normal--wanting to be alone. Not everyone is like that. Probably most people aren't like that. But that doesn't make it wrong or abnormal. I think the problem here is that you're walking on eggshells, wanting to start the marriage off right, and feeling suffocated because you can't be *yourself*. But give your husband some credit--I'm sure he wants you to be happy, and if you want to be alone for a little while each day, then just tell him so, so that he knows not to disturb you at certain times, and it's not that it's HIM, it's just that you're an introvert. So let yourself be yourself and relax, and then you'll likely see that things are better.

Answer 9

So you're in a new life and you need to learn how to communicate about the things you want/need that formerly you didn't need to communicate about (because there was no one to communicate with).   Hopefully you won't find that a drag because if so, you're in for one tough marriage life.  

Answer 10

This is very common.  I am very independent and like my alone time.  My husband seemed happy to spend every second together.  The most important thing in marriage is to TALK and communicate about how you are feeling and what you need (and listening kindly to whatever comes back at you).  When I moved in with my husband, I spend weeks thinking I would go nuts because I could barely get time alone.  Then I brought it up with him and we had a very good talk about our different styles and needs and ideas about "alone time", etc.  It helped so much.  The first year (sometimes two) are all about negotiating all those little things that might seem silly, but make up the moments of each day and ultimately will make you happy to be there or frustrated.  Soon down the road, you also learn to be "alone" in the presence of another.  It happens naturally because you get so comfortable with that person that their presence doesn't feel as "present" (unless you actively attend to them .... that's when opposite problems kick in ... but that's years down the line for you LOL).  

In a nutshell, Talk to him!

Answer 11

It's normal to take the time to adjust to a new living situation, especially if the change is abrupt - as you seem to be describing. In my own experience, the decision to live with someone came very gradually - it wasn't like one day I was living alone and the next day I was living with someone. First I started staying the night, then I'd stay for several days at a time, then I ended up staying most of the time, and at that point we decided to just move my stuff and give my 30-day notice. We got married a few months later. While I loved living alone in my small apartment (I still remember it fondly), the adjustment was gradual, and therefore painless. I'm not sure if it would have been a bigger shock to get married first, and then suddenly move in together. But yeah, living with someone is way different than living alone, that's for sure. Not in a bad way - just different. Give it some time, I'm sure your routines will stabilize, and you will learn how to balance the "together" time and the "me" time. My husband and I both like our space, so we actually do a lot of things on our own, but we also do things together. We've found our "zone". I'm sure that with time, you guys will find yours. Good luck.

Answer 12

The same thing happened to me. I got married and  started thinking what did I do? I was so used to living alone and supporting my self . Doing what I wanted to do.  After 5 months I got over it. I learned that I wasn't by my self any more, I have a husband now, and we do things together.  

Answer 13

Yah I found it weird having to sleep in the same bed as someone else at first, I liked my space but now I find it comforting