I just realized something and i need help. VERY IMPORTANT

Question

i just realized that i'm exactly like my mother, down the the cigarette brand and choice of soda. [marlboro lights and diet coke to be specific] i have the same insecurities that she does [physically speaking, ie. weight, hair, skin, etc], i have a lot of the same mannerisms [being condescending, lying by accident], and the same habits/characteristics-- she's pretty much a w***e and i realized so am i, she strives to be perfect just because she wasnt good enough for her dad, just like i do, but because of her.

to summarize her history and mine: when she was 5 or 6 her dad left because he had a drug/alcohol addiction, pretty much after that she never felt good enough for anyone and has crazy insecurities is pretty much a raging alcoholic...and yeah

now, when i was 5 she left me [and my dad/sister] because of her addiction issues and i've basically had all the same emotional problems as she has, and...im just like her. but only the bad qualities, im just....i dont know, i hate this, my grandmother is even like this because of what happened in HER childhood. i want to stop the trend before get settled and have a family, you know? is there anything i can do???

Answer 1

maybe therapy...  

Answer 2

The best thing you can do for yourself is start to form good habits. It's going to be hard and it will take a good week before you can formulate the habit, a good month before you can start doing it without thinking, and a good year to continue on the good path.

If you want to be less like her, find a way to stop smoking. Chew gum, get a patch, and start keeping your hands busy with other things like art or writing. Perhaps you could even start your own book to help others who might be going through the same thing you are. That way you'd not only be helping yourself, but society.

Start finding good qualities in yourself. No one is going to point those out to you unless you find the confidence to see them in yourself. Your hair, your weight, your skin...everything about you is the way God intended it to be, so accept it and say "I am beautiful". Leave it at that. No one will ever be perfect. It's a fact and it's fine. Do you really want to live with the pressure of perfection?! Not fun.

I'm not going to allow you to call yourself a w***e. How about you just start backing away from people and places that will get you into situations you'll later on regret? Stay away from men and away from clubs/bars (if you go there) and start spending time with you.

I know you're worried about repeating the pattern, but now is a good time to evaluate your own goals and ignore the pattern your mom has set for you. You can set your own now. You have the ability to stop whatever is in your heart to stop. Gain the passion to be there for your future kids, to be better for yourself, to have better things in your life. That passion will lead you to all the right things.

And I'm serious about writing...it will definitely help. Been there, done that. It's a good way of getting things out in the open and being honest with yourself...even if you never publish it. :-)

Answer 3

There are some books out and the one that helped me is called The Transformation of the Inner Man"  John & Paula Sandford............

deals with a lot of different problems and this one we both have is judging.  once we have judged our parents.............remember the bible declares that one commandment has a promise with it.  Honor thy father & mother so that all may go well with you in this world, in those areas you can't watch out it will hit you between your eyes like a ton of bricks and this deals with getting rid of this judgement forever  That is the basis of the problems............judging.......there is a part in there that if you can't on your own forgive that offensive person do it as an act of faith it will transform you and your inner man......soul......

Family Christian Book Store will have it .                                

Answer 4

acept your self the way you are but always tell your kids were you came from so they can understand tell them you dont want them to be like you

my moms a drug addict but she always told me to be myself and not to follow in her foot steps becase to many of us have failed and i should be the one who succeeds

Answer 5

You should stop smoking for one. If you don't feel good about yourself do something about it like..cutting your hair or changing hair color, working out, don't be condescending and try to catch your lies before you say them.

I hope everything works out.

Answer 6

well maybe see your dad and find a guy your really happy with and who loves you the same way then go out for a long time (say 5 yrs) before making that commitment and keep saying how he's the only one for you and try to stop whatever addictions he or you might have like drinking or smoking and maybe the ones you share you could stop together and make him happy as well as you. maybe move away from your mum or/and make her stop her bad habits! usually hobbies and jobs help as well so try to keep busy!