I just strated work and my mother in law has been watching my baby for 4?

Question

days now and i am not happy with her watching the baby. when i pick the baby up she always has something to tell me to tell the doctor becasue she doesnt think its right.. also i didnt want my baby alover the place so i asked that the baby not leave the house unless theres an emergency i would leave my carseat . she went out and bought her own car seat for the baby>> i am so pissed off. do you think i should just have my mom babysit or do one week my mom one week my mother in law?? i feel like i would have some peace of mind at work knowing baby was with my mom? by the way i cant talk to my husband about any of this becasue he thinks im wrong and i just dont like his mom!! what should i do ..

Answer 1

Are you sure this just isn't about your relationship with your mother-in-law?  What kind of relationship do you have with her?

If it's good, I say you are being over protective.  

If it is not so good, I think you are looking for things to criticize her for.

Please never use her grandchild to hurt her.

EDIT:  After looking at some of your other questions I see you DO have an issue with her.  I think you are jealous because you are not able to stay home with your baby.  I can understand that but don't take it out on your mother-in-law.  I think I hit the nail on the head and you don't want to admit it.  I agree with you husband.  You just don't like her.  Think of what is best for your child.  I'm sure grandma adores the baby and isn't that what is important?

Answer 2

If you would feel better having your mom watch your baby then do it.  The carseat thing is your decision and your MIL should always always respect your choices even if she doesn't agree.  You're probably being a little overprotective though since you don't like the idea of leaving your baby with your MIL. (i do NOT blame you at all, i would be the exact same way).  I have a difficult MIL as well and you just have to do what's best for you.

Answer 3

I do agree with others that she should have access to a car seat for emergencies or say she really has to leave the house. THAT BEING SAID, I have the same mother-in-law issues. Her parenting philosophies are very different to mine and she isn't very maternal. I would be more comfortable with him in a Daycare with a stranger than with her all day long.

You need to a) Talk to her about your concerns and say "please do this my way, out of respect for me as the mother, or I cant let you babysit anymore". b) Come to a compromise and share with your mom. c) Suck it up and live with her weirdness.

Unfortunately, sometimes you have to put up with this stuff to get something out of them, but then you have to draw the line when it comes to your children. Women who dont have relationships like this with their MIL's just dont understand. Its not an easy or comfortable situation.

Answer 4

alternating is not a bad idea if both moms are OK. As for leaving the house- when it's one on one, that's not really realistic for someone to stay at home all day.  Kids need to get out too.  I don't think you can really dictate that she stay at home all day, I assume she's doing it for free. But even people that do favors like this can start to be resentful so it could be better to switch off, as long as they don't confuse your baby too much.  Question- why didn't you leave the baby with your mom in first place if you think it would have given you more peace of mind and it was available. Anyway, being a working mom is not easy, trust me I know and you have to make a lot of compromises as a working mom. good luck

Answer 5

The best thing is for your child to be in a structured environment such as a day care.  If that is not an option financially and you have to depend on family for child care you should discuss it with your husband regardless.  If your mother is interested in keeping your child maybe it would be best if she voiced that to your husband also.  If your mother-in-law does not wish adhere to your request of staying home if at all possible then I wouldn't trust her to do anything else that you ask either.  I do think that whomever is keeping the child does need a car seat in their car just in case of emergency though.

Answer 6

Bottom line:  If mama isn't happy, then nobody is happy.  You have to feel comfortable with the childcare arrangments or else they simply aren't going to work out.  Whether or not your husband agrees with your concerns, you would spend every moment at work worrying - and that's no good for anyone.  

I was in a similar situation and I made up an excuse to look for daycares, in order to spare her feelings (I ended up quitting and working from home in the long run).  To this day I still have problems when she watches my child because she disregards my directions, but I am glad I don't have to deal with that headache every single day.

Answer 7

why should the baby be stuck in the house all day cause you work this is not about how she treats the baby but about how you feel about grandma. poor baby

Answer 8

If you arent happy with the situation, the baby will pick up on this and get stressed. You need to be happy leaving the baby otherwise you wont be productive at work.

Talk to her directly and tell her your concerns. Lay down some ground rules that you would expect her to follow, you are the baby's mum and you should decide what her care and routine should be. If she doesnt agree then ask your mum, or try putting the baby in childcare. My mother in Law kept thinking she knew best until one day I spoke to her, explained that she wasnt helping and now she keeps her opinions to herself (or just moans to other people) unless I ask.

Answer 9

i think it is alittle odd to expect someone to watch your baby put not leave the house.

Answer 10

I will say this at the beginning so no one gets upset...Be thankful you have a lot of people that love your baby! Appreciate what they have to offer....but....there is a time to lay down boundaries.

I know how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, my mother in law bought an entire nursery and all the baby gear for her house EVEN though we weren't going to be there very often. She cried because she put so much work into it and we didn't appreciate it. Now that my son is 1.5 years old, her thing is to find out what we want for him and buy it for HER house.

The main thing is that you have to be confident in your caregiver, whether it be a family member or a non-family member. I know that with my mom I can say here are my rules for my son, and she will stick to them but that isn't the case with mom in law. Safety and well being should be priority number one. The switching off doesn't sound like a bad idea either. Just remember, yes, she is a proud grandparent...but you are the parent, you get to choose. hope this helped... contact me if you want to vent some more....I have LOTS of experience with this : )

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Answer 11

Personally, I think you are being overprotective.  Why can't the baby go out with her?  It is good stimulation for the baby to be in new environments.  Also, it has only been 4 days.  You both need to get aclamated longer.  Tell her straight out if things are bothering you but in a nice way.  Remember, she has been a mom a little longer than you and her experiences may be a little different.  Anyway, I think it is important for a grandchild to bond with its grandmother.

Answer 12

If both your mothers are willing to watch the baby for you, then it might be a good idea so that BOTH get an opportunity to spend equal time with dear grandchild.  

Why don't you want her to go out places with grandma?  She should be old enough to have her own immune system.  Let her catch little illnesses which you are afraid of her getting.  Building her immunity now through the normal process of life will result in her having fewer sick days from school when she is exposed to other children.  

That's another thing, she needs exposure to other people.

And remember, despite your mother in law's worrying, your baby is getting waaay better care and attention than she would get in a day care.