I just wanted to thank everyone here....?

Question

You have really opened my eyes to some very big issues with adoption in the US that just gets swept under the rug.

My sisters husband is an adoptee, although he does not speak about it hardly at all and does not know or have a connection to his birth parents. He claims to not want to know them at all. Is that a normal attitude?

To the adoptees out there, do you find it to be "prying" when people you are close to ask questions about your adopted life?

Just curious.

And sorry in advance if i used the wrong terms or offend anyone.

Answer 1

Yes, it is normal.  Every adoptee has their own feelings on the subject and every "feeling" is a normal one.  Some are curious, some are not...we're all wired differently.

I don't think it would be prying unless they keep asking and asking.  If you ask once and get little or no response, then drop it.  If you keep bugging him about it, then it's prying.  He may not want to talk about it, or just may not feel comfortable talking about it...it's a touchy subject, not something that's easily discussed with just anybody.  I don't even talk about it with my husband or my closest friends.  

And no worries, you didn't offend me :)

Thanks for asking!

Answer 2

My sisters husband is an adoptee, although he does not speak about it hardly at all and does not know or have a connection to his birth parents. He claims to not want to know them at all. Is that a normal attitude?

Yes it is.. they are so mad that they grew up different then everyone around them and blame their real parents for their stigma. To actually go and look into the past and find the truth means that that ager could be wrong or could be right. Maybe their parents will tell them things they did not want to hear.. LIKE they were stolen.. or they have brothers and sisters.

They say they do not want to know but deep in their hearts they do...

Answer 3

I have been told, several times, that I am unusual in having a strong interest in my original family earlier than most men.  I have always been in touch with the issues surrounding my adoption.  Men are, in general, taught to bury their emotions.  That makes it hard for them to admit, even to themselves, whatever may be lurking.  

I don't know if I think I would find it prying.  I haven't had that many people ask me.  If I don't know someone well, in the past, I have generally brushed off the question.  If I do know the person, and feel safe talking to them, I would probably open up a bit more.  I have long been a very private person (lots of trust issues), so I tend not to open up much.  But even so, I don't usually find others asking questions to be prying.  I think it's natural to be curious about others' experiences.

Answer 4

This is an entirely normal attitude. Usually adoptees either want to meet their biological parents or they want nothing to do with them.

I'm not an adoptee, but if I was I would be entirely open about speaking about it, as I am an open person.

Asking someone once wouldn't be prying, it would just be curiosity. If he's closed off and reluctant about sharing, don't push it. And if he's willing to talk about it, listen and learn.

Good luck. :)

Answer 5

YES, why is that an issue, we are people , live like rest of the world except that we are so blessed to have the chance to be raised in a home that has 2 parents, and I dont know what you mean y adopted life, I live a life like you, unless u think that adoptees are from another planet, and why do u care

Answer 6

I have no proof on this, but I think its more common in men than women just based on my own experience in the adoption world for quite a few years.

I don't find it prying but I don't like being asked about how I feel on something, by close family and then having them debate my feelings if they don't agree.

Answer 7

That's so cool - someone is listening, thank YOU

Your sister's husband is totally normal.  He could be afraid or he may just not be bothered - that's his choice

I don't think it's prying when people close to me ask me questions, but that's just me.  Other people might feel uncomfortable with it

Answer 8

his attitude is pretty normal, especially for men. many people do not feel the need to search, they are content with what they know. prefectly fine.

i dont feel any questions prying, if they ask then they are curious. maybe they will learn a thing or two. i enjoy talking about it, and i have yet to be offend by anyone asking in good faith.

dont apologize you used no offensive terms. you asked an honest question. glad we are able to bring some of the deeper issues to light for you, as you see, adoption reform has a long way to go.

Answer 9

I think his attitude is totally normal. Everyone feels differently about their birth family. My brother, 37 years old, is also adopted and we have talked about being adopted once that I can remember.  I used to just want basic information (interests, education, talents, etc.) and a photo to see if I looked like my birth parents. Now that I am in my 30's I want more information (like my medical history). It also depends on who is asking me and what kinds of questions they are asking.  Basic things I am fine about. Have I always known? Do I ever think about searching? etc.  More complicated things I am not comfortable talking about. I also used to worry about whether or not my answers would hurt my aparents or other family members. I think that if someone I was close too asked me a question that I didn't want to talk about I would feel comfortable telling them so or they would be able to tell by my reaction.

For some people it is just easier not to talk about it at all.  That way you can ignore the pain and the issues and just concentrate on the good things.  That's what I used to do.

Thanks for listening and keeping an open mind.

Answer 10

I'm adopted and chose to find my birth parents with the help of my adopted dad.  I made that choice.  Now that I know them I could really care less because they don't hold any substance about them.  However my biological brothers and aunts and cousins I love them to death and can't imagine life without them.