I just wrote a small chapter on Fiction press and I don't know if I should continue. Thoughts?

Question

It's obviously not done but reviews and thoughts on the piece would be appreciated. Please and thank you.

Here's a link:

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2562650/1/Never_Liked_Tea

Answer 1

Well, you're obviously a good writer. I'll say that much firstly. But after reading the first two paragraphs, I've already found quite a few grammar mistakes. I'd suggest getting a beta (actually, I don't know if they have them on fictionpress, I know they do on fanfiction) to help you out with that.  

Answer 2

ugh i got bored and stopped but from what i read here are some pointers. You jump from speaking in first person to third person (if you know what i mean) you also explain different things weird, try to make them clear. lots of boring parts try to pick up the pace. it sounds like a girlie story where they find true love and what not, which is done all the time, so make it interesting and fun, not same old same old.  

Answer 3

Where is the story going?  Do you know?  If I'm writing something and I don't have an idea of what's going to happen within the first two or three pages, then I generally just write it off as a story abortion.

Your descriptive powers are very good.  You have a great ability to capture your characters by describing what they do.  You do need to work on your grammar some as the other answerer suggested, but I was impressed with the overall quality of your writing.

Is the scene in the supermarket really necessary?  I don't know if you're writing a novel or a short story, but generally speaking, you want to cut out everything in your stories that doesn't move the story along or give depth to your characters.  The aside about the text message seemed like it didn't really belong in the middle of the tea and chat with Grandma.

The idea of an arranged marriage got me curious about what was going to happen next.  That was the most compelling part of the piece that you wrote, as far as I was concerned.