I just wrote this.....tell me what you think?

Question

This room is loud and hazy

are the walls closing in or am i going crazy?

every stranger passing me by

has a similar smiling look in his eye.

perhaps not a smile but a sauntering smirk

they are the princes

and i am the jerk

these menacing figures

all seem to agree

that i am the joke

and the joke is on me

this crowded air is too much to bear

and my breathe is getting thin

i feel i must retire

to a place that i have been

behind a locked k**b

were i block out the sunlight

and live like a slob

the world outside my bolted door

is not a place for me no more

i much prefer my dark inside

to a world full of strangers with no place to hide

Answer 1

I really liked it up to "and the joke is on me" there seems to be a  rhythm change after that that has a bit of ruff edge. I would still give it a thumbs up.

Answer 2

So deep. It's good.

Answer 3

Its ok,4 out of ten.I can make it better if you like