I keep getting negative feedback from friends re: homeschooling.?

Question

I've lived in 3 different states (CA, SD & TX). It was very common in CA & SD to do homeschooling and heard a lot of positive things about it. Here in TX it's a whole different story. Most of my friends here say it won't help my son confront difficult situations in the future and they have told me of a few kids who got "cabin fever" and just went wild and gave parents many problems rebelling. My son is in 2nd grade, does well in school and recently his teacher told me he is very mature for his age and that he's 2 years ahead in verbal comprehension. Everyone tells me he's so proper and well behaved. Growing up I hated school and begged my mom to put me in homeschooling and she refused, now that I have a son she wants me to pull him out of school and homeschool him because he's been bullied (not often though). I've been thinking about homeschooling him starting 6th grade if he accepts if not he'll continue with public school. What are your thoughts on the bad feedback I've gotten?

Answer 1

I homeschooled and I turned out ok *twitch*. Seriously though. I say depending on the future it would be ok to homeschool. I however wish i would have gone through highschool. My friends all had a great time and I still feel I was kinda left behind. I missed out on missing a lot of people that I could have met. I am very respectful of my parents. I'm not at all a rebel. I open the door for ladies. Random older people I see in the grocery store I from time to time help them to their cars. It's a great option, but you YOURSELF has to also be prepared and able. You will have to teach him and be strong. Don't let him slide when he can't get an answer. You have to be a teacher not a mother. I'd just weigh the options til the time comes and let him decide for himself when you think he's ready.

Answer 2

First quit listening to everyone around you. They are just repeating the same old myths about HS. "My friend knows someone who knows someone ....... that is a recluse because he is home schooled." My nephew is a normal 15 year old who has never been inside a public school. He holds a job plays in 2 bands (he has time a public school kids doesn't have) and makes straight A's in his school work. He plans to go to college and major in business and minor in music. He already has a scholarship to help pay for it and he's in 10th grade.

You know what is best for your kids not them! You know whats best for your family not them! You are the mom if the kids belonged to your friends then they would have the right to voice their opinions to you. I wouldn't wait until 6th grade to start I'd start now or if that's not possible next year and see if he accepts it. But you need to remember that if you bring him home you may need to be more structured in the beginning to help him acclimate to the HS environment. Public school has every second of the day planned out and there is a definite routine to the work schedule and recess. As time passes though you can let the schedule fly out the window and just enjoy it. Also be sure to join a HS group in your area so that you can join them on Field trips and such and take advantage of co-ops in your area.

Answer 3

Homeschooling is very good.  Most people who criticize home schooling don't really understand how much work goes into and the excellent results that may be achieved.

You can't decide to home school based on other peoples' likes or dislikes.  You must be dedicated to it, and willing to put in the hours, time, work, money and patience that is needed to homeschool.

Homeschoolers are generally happy, well adjusted and well educated people.

Answer 4

It is up to you Mom to make homeschooling a non isolating experience. There are many homeschool associations in Texas. If you have trouble teaching a certain subject the association has parents that can help.

If your child just needs socialization not only do the homeschool associations have classes they have educational field trips.

Put your child in some drama classes or art, or poetry classes.

We did this until my son was high school aged when he said he wanted to go to public school.  

Results:

He is a junior in high school now.

He recieved an 1875 on his most recent PSAT.

He is on the student concil, and the drama club.

He is a member of the National Honor Society.

He is trying to attend a Ivy League undiversity. I see little chance of him not maiking it. He is a leader, and an exceptional writer.

All of the bad things and all of the good things they say about homeschooling are true. In homeschooling the benefits are all up to you to provide.

I must say you are doing this the opposite of what I have ever heard. Most people put their young children into homeschool and let thier well schooled teenager go out into the world with a strong background. But I would not hesitate even now to take my son out of public school if he would let me.

Answer 5

I was homeschooled and loved it. especially after 6th grade being able to set my own pace and most of the time finishing the schoolyear a month or so sooner than my friends in public school. I also think it helped prepare me better for college.

I think it's ultimatly up to you and your son on what works best for you

Answer 6

this is a letter and response I recently sent got out to a home schooling skeptic.

the letter:













  Hi. I just wanted to put forward a second opinion

on the immeasurable benefits of a public school environment. As a recent

graduate, I can't imagine not having grown up without the benefit of the

worldly, broad contribution to my outlook that a large community provides. I

believe that it is our nature to learn better by interactions with

different people, a connection with a new mind has an effect of freeing the mind

up to grow. I am taking a year off between college, and not being in that

environment, I don’t feel like I'm learning as fast.



  I will say that societal norms and expectations

of students also have a negative impact, and it is important for a

child to be able to break out of the temptation to put value in societal

expectations that have no value, such as cloths, mannerisms themselves, etc.

Excessive thought is the bain of humanity. I would say that there are three

negatives of public school vs. home, and that is societal expectations being in

your face(true of anywhere in society), excessive value put in a

grade, and a lot of stress when there is too much on your plate.



  However, the other list is longer than all the

words I have yet written here: develop a broader and more worldly outlook,

teachers available who are specialists in their fields more than a parent could

ever hope to be, sports, music, other extracurricular, friends, opportunity to

find people to date (this is another area that is heavily tainted by false

societal distinctions and expectations, but there are plenty of honorable people

in High School to be found by other honorable people who genuinely want a

meaningful connection)(being out of high school, I am kicking myself for not

being more outgoing then), better set up for getting into college (a post grad

center is invaluable, truly), knowing better what kind of decision they are

making regarding a place like college, get to know teachers who can be a greatly

positive influence, and more. As another note on extracurricular, there are

certain things that if your child is interested in them, school is a

prodigiously better place to explore them than home, among these things are

music, sports, speech and debate related interests, and leadership.



  This is one public student's view after

going the journey. It should also be noted that my parents were very

supportive, lead me to be able to examine and analyze my own

thoughts and emotions (key to life as a conscious human), and left me

generally free to explore my own interests and either succeed or fail. I

feel that I have not only succeeded as a student because of this, but also

succeeded as a thinking human because of this, which America needs more

of.



  Good luck on your endeavors.

Well as a public school graduate, and a current college student, I would like to offer you some real information on home schooling. It sounds to me that you do not have experience with this form of education and I would love to open your eyes to not only my experience but the wave of future education.

and my response



Hello there. Thank you for giving me your opinion. However, I am too a college graduate and a product of our public schools. I have a vast experience with both the public and private establishments of education and I do realize there are positives of public school education. It sounds to me though you have a very limited experience with home schooling and limited understanding of the brain as it develops. Let me tell you what I have learned by experiencing public school in both California and Illinois vs. the home school experience of not only my child, but also the other children (and there are many) that we have met through support groups, home schooling co-ops, and extracurricular activities since we have started.



First of all I have noticed a stark difference in the children in public school compared to home school. At any age these children seem to me to be nicer, better adjusted, more caring, and even better educated than public schooled children. It is my experience that in public school children are not taught to learn, rather they are taught to listen. Learning is a natual and biological desire of human beings. By nature we are curious and from a very young age we want to learn. It is inevitable through public school children will learn. You say out of school you are not learning as fast, I say this is because you do not know how to learn on your own. You have been molded by an education system that gives you answers in only black and white and rather than knowing your own unique learning style, without the crutch of this system you are faltering.



Home school children do not run into this, or at least this is my experience. From day one they are taught to learn in their own way, they are encouraged to open their minds to new opportunities to learn, and they learn in many different ways. Now, before I go on, I will say I am basing this on an eclectic home school approach, and just like in schools where it depends on the school you attend what kind of education you get, you are restricted as a home schooler based on the kind of parent or educator you have. From my experience eclectic home schoolers and unschoolers both allow their children generally to lead their education. They are taught from an early age that their education is their responsibility, and young children naturally come into the fold for two reasons. One being at a young age children typically want to please those around them (in this case meaning their parents) and two being that children are naturally curious and want to learn as was previously mentioned.



Now you bring up societal norms and expectations. Well home schooling breaks the mold on this - as does other forms of teaching such as Montessori and Waldorf schools (for another conversation). The idea that children need to learn in a sit down quiet setting, this only produces adults that work best in this type of setting. It teaches from a young age to respect authority, to think inside the box, and to withhold their potential. Now of course, even after 12 years of public school some children grow up and go into the world and think outside of the box. However the education in the American school system is sub par at best and doesn't even come close to rivaling other countries. The school system requires children to stifle their minds between set hours and only allow thoughts in. But is this th natural flow for learning? Really? I don't think so. I think there is a time and place for this - and in high school and college, this kind of atmosphere is very helpful. However, I am home schooling a 7 year old, who is still rich in thought, imagination and ideas which are better suited for hands on learning. Rather than sitting and learning for 6 - 7 hours a day in a clinical environment, he makes projects, he plays with his piano (and has a private tutor once a week) , he goes friend's houses and they interact sociably, he has a Japanese tutor (as that was the language he wanted to learn, and I do require a forgien language having taken 4 years of German myself), and rather than learning things in a book he learns them in real life. Every 3 months we take a field trip to a place we are learning about.



Of course not all home schooled children are like this. Many of the home schooled kids I know spend their days cooking, reading, exploring their world. They are active in their homes and communities. Most home school families I know are involved in giving back to the public through works of tree plantings, recycling projects, crocheting blankets for the needy and cold, volunteering at animal shelters, and the list goes on... and mind you most of the kids I know are under the age of 10. They are given so much more to learn from, their parents by and large are so much more involved because the parents ARE the teachers.



Because parents are teachers though does not mean that their children only learn from them. The children also learn from each other, they are involved in sports (through community programs and some through public schools ----- it is important to note here that in Colorado Home Schooled kids are allowed to do sports through the public schools if they so choose) through tutors as well as home schooling co-ops where different parents bring different sets of experiences and education levels and come together to teach the kids.



I don't understand where people come in and offer their advice when they haven't researched or tried another method. They will speak wondrous things about one without even bothering to try the other. Did you look up the research before you offered me your opinion? Did you find where the statistics show the benefits and the positive learning curve of home schoolers?



I would suggest looking up several sites - both on the educational benefits as well as the social impacts of home schooling.



I suggest that you are likely a bright individual and this is what caused you to be able to think clearly and luckily maneuver your way through PS to be able to be on par with your college bound counterparts. However don't be surprised in classes when you find out the outspoken, confident, and well educated person is was in a home based or alternative education style. The movement is growing as more and more parents start to realize just the opposite of what you have said - public schools are showing more and more that they are failing, parents are pulling their kids out of school for other methods. I am not the only one.



http://www.chec.org/Legislative/News/Hom...



Homeschool Students Score Better Academically and Socially

Basic Statistics

  

Academically

Home school students scored significantly higher than their public and private school counterparts. The studies below prove homeschool students do exceptionally well when compared with the nationwide average. In every subject and at every grade level of the ITBS and TAP batteries.

  

Socially

Studies also show homeschoolers mature and better socialized than are those sent to school. Dr. John Wesley Taylor's nationwide study revealed that the self-concept of home school students was significantly higher than that of public school students for the global and all six subscales of the Piers-Harris Self-Concept Scale. The Galloway-Sutton Study (performed in 1997), showed that from five success indicators (academic, cognitive, spiritual, affective-social and pyschomotor), comparing with public and private schooled students, "in every success category except pyschomotor, the home school graduates excelled above the other students."

  

Cost

The average amount spent on home schooling per child in the US is $450.

  

Household Income

18% of home school families earn less than $25,000, 44% of households between $25,000 and $49,000.

  

Religious

Over 75% attend religious services

Links to Studies

  

Homeschooling Works!

Findings of an independent study by Lawrence M. Rudner, Ph.D., Director of the ERIC Clearinghouse on Assessment and Evaluation

  

Home Education Across the United States

Study on home schooling, conducted by Dr. Brian D. Ray, president of the National Home Education Research Institute. (1997)

  

General Research Fact Sheet

From the non-profit National Home Education Research Institute was founded by Dr. Brian Ray.

  

Fact Sheet I

From the non-profit National Home Education Research Institute was founded by Dr. Brian Ray.

  

Fact Sheet IIb

From the non-profit National Home Education Research Institute was founded by Dr. Brian Ray.

  

Fact Sheet IIIb

From the non-profit National Home Education Research Institute was founded by Dr. Brian Ray.

  

Homeschooling on the Threshold

A Survey of Research at the Dawn of the New Millennium

By Dr. Brian Ray.

Videos



What Research Says About Home Schooling

  This professionally produced video features an informal interview with Dr. Brian Ray, President of the National Home Education Research Institute, simple graphics that summarize main points about the research findings, and a minimum of technical language. Information about topics such as "who is home schooling and why," the "socialization of the home educated," and "academic achievement" makes this a useful tool for presenting home education to critics, professional educators, or anyone for whom home schooling is a novel concept. (18 minutes, 1993)



Homeschooling in Action

  This exciting video is an hour-long documentary on how to get started homeschooling. By getting a candid glimpse into the daily homeschooling habits and activities of three experienced families, along with some great advice from many homeschooling "experts," you will get a realistic view of what a successful homeschool "looks like." After watching the tape, you should have a basic idea of how to get organized, set up your schedule, choose curriculum, find resources, and get connected with other homeschoolers in your community and state. Produced by Kevin Lundberg.



Read the article Our Homeschool Journey about our homeschool family's original goals, the problems we ran into, and the lessons we learned along the way.



http://homeschoolinformation.com/homesch...



And about the socialization aspect



http://www.hslda.org/research/ray2003/So...





Thank you.



If you have any more questions, please feel free to let me know :)



Take care, and Peace.



Now with all of that -I think that a lot of the negative feedback just simply comes from a lack of education about home schooling - as you can see from my letter. I could have said so much more, but those seem to be the key points. And not to mention that some of America's greatest minds or accomplished citizens were purely homeschooled or predominantly home schooled from Alexander Graham Bell, Robert E. Lee, Clara Barton, Abraham Lincoln and the list goes on. There are so many positive points you can bring up - and when all else fails, know you are doing the right thing for your kids. You are there for them. When was the last time that the people who say things about you spent so much time, got to know and were so involved with their kids?

Answer 7

Well I am a homeschooler, and most of my kids are grown, so I know it works.  I would always suggest it as the best option.  

As far as your "friends", ignore them.  You don't need approval or praise from anyone to raise your child correctly.  This is your child...... choose what is best for him and ignore everyone else.

My three oldest sons are in their mid/late 20s.  They were homeschooled.  They work, own homes, went to college, etc.  My daughter is almost 18.  She will go to college too.  Homeschooling works. The kids grow up, go to college, marry, buy homes and cars, hold down jobs just like the rest of society.

Answer 8

Don't listen to the negative people. There are millions of homeschooling families. Talk with your son how he feels about homeschooling and go from there.

Answer 9

There's already some really good advice on here, so why reinvent the wheel?

If you need to reinforce why you believe homeschooling is the way to go for your own family, they do the reading you need and get on with it. But this should be for you. Be strong! From now on, tell people you love and appreciate them, but the subject is not open for negotiation. Wow! When I figured that out, my entire life changed. Okay they (and their opinions) stayed the same. But I didn't care anymore.

You need to know that what you do is the right decision for your family. All the slack you get about homeschooling is from their fears and they choose to remain ignorant in their fears. That's not your problem! And it's not their kids.

I don't convince others to homeschool and I get irritated when I'm told mine should be in public school.

You made it through CA home schooling. So, from what I've read, the hardest is all behind you.

Do a search on Dr. Brian Ray's book on adults who are doing very well after a home education. I can't find the site where I got some really great clips of his data. But here's a start: http://www.nheri.org/content/view/174/51...

Answer 10

Texas is one of the easiest states in which to homeschool--just like Illinois (where I live).  I am currently homeschooling my 2nd grade son who was recently diagnosed as "cognitively gifted."  His reading comprehension is that of an 11 year old and his written expression is that of an 11.5 year old.

What your friends are saying is not based on their personal experience; it is based on secondhand knowledge of someone else's situation.  Also, being bullied is not a good thing by any means.  No child should have to endure being bullied.  It does not make you stronger; sometimes it makes children hateful and full of anger.  Going to school should be all about learning--not whether you fit in or not, but, unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Regarding whether your son accepts homeschooling or not, you are the parent.  He is in 2nd grade; there are many decisions that parents have to make that children don't necessarily agree with.  Of course, it would be great if your son wanted to be homeschooled, but even if he doesn't, you as a parent have to make the final decision.

Initially, my son did not want to be homeschooled.  He is an only child, and he viewed school time as "play time."  His knowledge base concerning school was two years of public school pre-kindergarten in which he did not learn a lot of new things.  (Everything they were teaching, I had already taught him at home.)  His kindergarten school experience was a private Christian home learning center where he was taught with nine other children.  He thrived in this environment, but again, it was "kindergarten," and there was lots of free/play time.  He thought subsequent grades, i.e., 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. would also have much free/play time.  You have to understand that he was only 6 and at the beginning of 1st grade when I began homeschooling him.  What else was he to think?  His school experiences were definitely limited.

However, when he began 1st grade at a public magnet school, he was bored because of being so advanced.  I pulled him out and tried a virtual charter school (public school at home), and his attention span would not allow for the 5 hour one-on-one teaching that was required by the school in order to meet state standards.  After 7 weeks of the virtual school, I pulled him out and began to teach him with the curriculum of my choice.

Academically, he is thriving, and after a little over a year, he recently told me there are things he likes about homeschooling.  This wasn't true in the beginning; he resisted very strongly, as he is an extremely strong-willed child.  Also, he thought he would miss out on things.  However, I have supplemented his homeschooling with community sports activities, neighborhood events, "Kraft Great Kids" reading program via the library, etc.  He is a very social child and needs many opportunities to socialize, and I am sensitive to his needs.

As stated previously, the feedback you have gotten is based on hearsay.  Do your own research, talk to parents who are homeschooling, look up statistics regarding homeschooled children, etc., and then make your own decision.

Following is a link to the National Center for Education Statistics (a Department of Education website) with many articles regarding homeschooling and homeschooled children:

http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2006/homeschool/

I hope this information is helpful.

Answer 11

Read my personal story at homeschoolersconnection.com

Homeschooling is awesome, you have to get past caring about what others who have never homeschooled have to say!

Mama "B"

Answer 12

I'm surprised you get it in TX. First it's one of the easiest states to homeschool in, far easier than CA.

Next, Texas are progressive and individualistic.

I'm kind of astonished, although there is this Texas is great mentaility, so maybe they feel you are dissing their great school system.

There are basically two camps to the nay sayers

One camp is people so dumb they can't tie their own shoes and they think eveyrone is that way.

What they don't realize is homeschooling uses professional books and stuff.

The other camp are union teachers and administrators who don't like loosing federal funds when you take your kid out of the school.

Homeschooling only works with motivated, self-starting students.

When it works it works great,especially if the right tools (books and programs) are used.

College studies show homeschoolers out perform public schoolers by 2-3 grade starting at age 9

They outperform privarte schoolers by 1 grade.

Answer 13

Home schooling a youngster is a viable, and well established alternative to conventional schooling for any parent who does not feel that traditional schools, or the environment that comes along with mass schooling is right for their child(ren) and family.

A parent should be the one to make these decisions based on their beliefs, and needs for their child(ren).

It is the parents right to direct the upbringing, and education of their children.

No one should base important family decisions based on the opinions, likes, and dislikes, or advice of friends.

No matter how well meaning this advice may be it is often based on misinformation, a lack of information, or the fear of you going a different route from the mainstream crowd.

Contact a local home school organization, get to know some of the families, join in the activities, and see if this life style is for you.

Also consider attending a home school convention in your state, these offer many workshops on home schooling, and vendors come to offer their books and materials for you to preview, and buy.

Take some time to make an informed decision based on facts, and the needs of your child(ren), not on peoples opinions.

This web site is for the Texas home school coalition; they may have the information you need, or at least they will be able to point you in the right direction.

http://www.thsc.org/defaultpage.asp

This is a general home school web site with so much information, it's mind boggling.

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/

The home school coop in the upper right hand corner of this site has gotten some good reviews as well.

Blessings, and good luck.

Answer 14

Often they are speaking out of fear or ignorance or because they feel judged by your decision -- that you are a better parent, have more time for your kids etc then they do. If you point out to them that most of the reason junior is polite and well behaved is because you homeschool sometimes that helps. Homeschooling is of course no panacea for child rearing but you & hubby need to take a good hard look at why you homeschool, what your goals are, state requirements, etc and then go with what's right for your family.

You've gotten some good advice on here already!

edit: you are the parent and must make the best decision for your son and not the most popular one (whether with him or with peers). http://www.homeschooloasis.com has some great articles on homeschooling older children, mom's reeducation, etc.

Answer 15

I think getting negative feedback on homeschooling is par for the course. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with homeschooling, it just means that a lot of people, mostly those who have had little to no real involvement or experience with homeschooling, don't like it.

When ever anyone goes off the beaten path, there will be people who did take the common road telling them that they're making a mistake and should have done things like everyone else.

Homeschooling is a great option. Personally, I got cabin fever being in a school all day. It's a personal preference. If a kid is homeschooled and feels he isn't getting out enough, parents should help him find more activities to do outside of the home. It's not such a big deal.

Answer 16

you see heres the problem, im pretty sure all 6th graders care about is not getting up early and being able to not learn as much. untill they reach high school and they cant socialize normally because they are weird. you see bullying is important. we all get bullied sometimes ive had my own experiences. but without being bullied ur son is gonna be scared as sh** if he ever goes back to a public school (if hes one of the weirdies) it lets them see the real world. and how cruel people can be. and how NOT to be like those people. so therefor i think its very important. just plain socializing with MANY differnt kinds of people about every day. i think its a good thing

Answer 17

My thoughts on the feedback:

1) Recognize the negative feedback for what it is: well-intentioned people who just don't know any better. Public schooled and private schooled kids also can end up rebelling and going wild. I doubt there's a higher percentage among homeschoolers. Home life is not without difficult situations. Doing things around the community and with other homeschoolers is not without difficult situations.

2) Recognize your mother's feedback for what it is: someone who has had a change of heart after being able to reflect further on the situation and see what things are like.

3) What do you think is in your son's best interests and why? Some might question why you should wait until gr. 6 if you think homeschooling is a good idea, especially with a child who is so far advanced and is being bullied. (If you were sharing that he was being abused at school, but not often--so it mustn't be a big deal--how would that sound to you? Psychologists agree: bullying is a form of abuse.) Some might question why homeschool him at all--for what purpose? And placing such a decision in the hands of an 11yo--is that wise? Would you allow him to decide which house you would move into? Which city your family would move to? You are still his mother, with more wisdom and your job is to guide him. Not to mention that the only reason he would likely choose to homeschool that point is if his public school experience had been miserable. Wouldn't you want to pull him out before he gets miserable?

In the end, you need to inform yourself thoroughly about homeschooling, then search your heart to figure out if it's the right thing for your son. And use others' comments as a starting point for your own learning and self-reflection.