I kicked my son out of the house. Did I do the right thing?

Question

Ok so my son is 18 a half and is studying in university. He still lives with us though because he wants to save up his money for atleast a year. But yesterday when I came home from work, I saw his girlfriend and him having s*x in our(mine and my husband's) room. I got extremely pissed off by this and told him to get out and rent his own apartment. He has a month deadline to move out. Did I do the right thing?

Answer 1

To start I would have been extremely pissed off myself. He was being disrespectful in the first place by having s*x in your bedroom on your bed. He's an adult and definitely knew better. On the other hand I hope he was mature enough to also apologize. I know that is the last thing you want to hear from him, but that also shows that he owned up to his dis-respectfulness. I feel you are doing the right thing, but at the same time things might change in that monthly deadline. He might not be able to find something in that period of time and in all fairness as family you might have to consider to extend his stay with you a little longer. With the economy it's hard out here for young people income wise. This is your home and you have to implement tough love on him. Set ground rules while he stays with you. Make him contribute to some of the bills such as food, phone, Internet, ect. Give him a taste of reality. Make it abundantly clear that in the meanwhile if he pulls something like this again he's out the door immediately, no if and or buts. That might make him think twice of making bad choices and being disrespectful again.

Answer 2

          Well..........What you did was kind of harsh, but I can understand why you did that. But, if it was the first time you caught him doing that then you could have given him a warning not to do this again or else he'll be out of the house in a second.

He's your son.......so give him some sympathy plus he's a teenager so that's gotta be rough....

since he's moving out in a year.....Can't you handle him for a bit???.......

Answer 3

***** he came out of your birth canal wtf are you doing

hes your son and everyone has s*x in their parents bedroom...

Answer 4

That is really hard.  My husband kicked my 18yr old out a few months ago and I never have gotten over it.  He shouldn't of disrespected you by having s*x in your bed, but if that's the worst he will do then it's ok.  If you kick him out he's not ready to face the world and might struggle and never get it right.  He needs to learn a lesson but possibly ruining his life by making him face this tough world at such a young age might backfire and cause other problems, when they are on there own so young they feel like they have alot more freedom and might not finish school ect.  Have along talk with him and tell him the rules and if he can't follow them, then he would have to leave, put alittle scare in him.

Answer 5

Yes. He'll have a tough time financially now, though, but it's your house...your bed. You're the boss.

Answer 6

You got angry because your adult son has a s*x life?

I feel sorry for the guy....

Answer 7

I find what your son did as extremely disrespectful. I am not an psychologist so I wouldn't be able to explain why. Kicking him out might be a bit extreme. I would lay down some ground rules. If he will abide by your rules I would give him another chance. Good Luck!.

Answer 8

I think you have been a little harsh.  You have let your anger unblance you.  This could have been spontanious s*x and he sure is old enough, lighten up Mom..

Answer 9

Well offcourse at that moment you were infuriated!  But if you think about it, he's an adult now...finishing college, &is on his way to a career. Kicking him out is kinda pushin it...but maybe it'll teach him alesson to not do that again. Maybe if he asks for forgiveness...then you could prolly bring him back to the house!

Answer 10

well that depends if hes a nice person and listens to you and respects you, or is some ungrateful man :S

Answer 11

I would say you did the wrong thing. He's studying at college and as long as he's not stealing/ doing drugs/ or breaking the law he should be allowed to live with you. It's only s*x. Afterall even you had s*x, maybe not in your parents bed but I do think the punishment is a little harsh.

You should be thankful some families have it alot worse they have their own kids stealing from them just to be able to afford their fix. Or they have children that are abusive.  

Answer 12

Yes you did the right thing. He is now considered an adult so if he wants to be adventurous, he can do that in he own place. I cant even imagine, I could understand if he was like 16, but he reallly, really knows better.

Answer 13

Would you rather he had s*x at someone else's home, or in his car, or in a dark alley?

Yes, you son was bad, and showed some disrepect towards you, by using your own marital bed for this "normal" event.  You did know he was sexually active right?  Being a healthy 18 yr old.

Let me suggest that you not do something that will affect his whole future, and career, if he cannot support himself, and go to college living on his own.  

I suggest you find some other punishment, like his girlfriend cannot be in YOUR house again, for at least 3 months, UNLESS you or your husband is present.

I bet she is also embarrassed by being "caught" and may feel uncomfortable being around you, anyway.

Think of the future, if you were visiting "their" house, and were having s*x with your husband in their home.  Would you want them to ban you from  visiting them, or your grandkids for having s*x inside their home, 10 yrs from now?

You may have over-reacted, and I hope you reconsider.

Answer 14

So like he wouldn't be pissed if he caught you and the husband doing the nasty in his bed. You've been supporting him through school and putting a roof over his head and he respects you so much that he doesn't want to soil his own sheets? What kind of selfish, selfcentered idiot did you raise? If he wants the power to set his own bounderies and rules then he'll get his own place. All that said....he's your son, get over your anger, discuss it rationally and part on good terms.

Answer 15

i think you should give him another chance, he is 18 afterall and can have s*x if he wants. i would ask for an apology though since he was in ur room and that is pretty gross. but is there a reason he wasn't in his room? did you do something to his room? does he even have a room of his own????

Answer 16

UMM I DONT THINK ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO UNLESS U WANT HIM TO KEEP DOING WHAT HES DOING POSSIBLY PLANT A CAMERA IN UR BEDROOM AND IF HE IS DOING IT STILL NEVER LET HIM BE ALONE? JUST THINK ABOUT IT IF HE LEAVES HE WILL  NOT QUIT DOING IT LOL BUT MAYBE U SHOULD TRY TO HELP IM TO STOP IS THE GIRL THE RIGHT GIRL U THINK? TELL HIM MAYBE HE SHOULD GET MARRIED FIRST? IDK ITS YOUR CHILD GO ASK A CHURCH PASTOR OR SOMETHING? THATS WHAT I WOULD DO. ASK UR HUSBAND AND FRIENDS MAYBE.

ITS REALLY NOT IN MY CONTROL THOUGH.

Answer 17

Yes, he can't afford to take care of himself or a family. He is doing everything backwards. Also, the lack of respect shown here is to much for me to answer. They both need a lesson about self respect and respect for others.  

Answer 18

This decision seems a little bit irrational to me. Unless this is not a first time offense, I think it would have been a better idea to sit him down and let him know that if he is going to live under your roof he is going to need to respect the rules (ie, not having s*x in your bedroom...or at all, if thats how you feel...)

If he's frequently given you issues and disrespected your rules, then I think it would be acceptable. However, I feel like there is nothing wrong with you allowing him to live in your house...he's still very young and its admirable that he plans to save money...

I would rethink your decision.

Answer 19

Yes. But only because he was in your room. He disrespected you. However, if this means he will have to drop out of school, you might forgive him with the understanding that he never violates your "space" again.

Answer 20

uhhh...well...I'll just speak the truth. No. My step mom works at juvinile hall and...well..That can really affect a child/teenager and even though he did something wronge kicking him out wont solve anything.. He may even do something worse.. You need to resolve this problem quickly, before when u finally do he wont listen to u anymore. Or anyone who he thinks may be aggenst him.

Answer 21

I am pretty sure you did the exact opposite of the right thing.   What kind of parent teaches their kids that s*x is something you get kicked out of the house for?

My question is if you have an open relationship with your child where he can discuss s*x and things.  it would seem not based on the fact that you booted him.  

Also, how close were you to the action to know it was unprotected s*x?  Gross.

I think you are wrong.

Answer 22

No way is that the right thing wat if he cant find a house and hes living on the street how you gonna feel then?

Answer 23

No i don't think you did the right thing but he also should'nt have done that so i think you should have talked to him about it [and change your bed sheets]then see if he will do it again if he was to do it again then kick him out.

Answer 24

maybe his bed wasnt big enough.

Answer 25

Harsh he was way wrong but after you calmed down you should talk to him about it you don't want him to go down the wrong path. Talk to him.

Answer 26

No U must certainly did not do the right thing....I think u should have talked to him about it first and see if he is using protection i would say if he is at least he's taking responsibility and if he's not get him to start using i believe that s*x education is always the best thing at least its not like he was doing it behind ur back and if u raised him right i am sure that he should be responsible enough to use a condom and have good s*x pracitices...I mean he is at a tender age where the hormones are raging and he is gonna want to experiment wit s*x...plz just talk to him before letting him move out is a very bad decision esp since he's a university student i mean it's not like he did something illegal....plz just think about it before u put ur son through so much stress...

Answer 27

Well I wouldn't be happy about that either, but your son is going to college to at least better himself. You need to sit him down and lay some ground rules which include that fact you do not agree with him having s*x in your house or your bedroom since that is disrespectful. If he is enough of an adult to do that, then perhaps he needs to get his own place. But kicking him out is not the answer. Where is he going to go on such short notice? If you are wanting him to behave as an adult then talk to him like one. It was bad judgment on his part, but you need to rethink what you did also.

Answer 28

u shuud have talked about it with hiim instead of kicking him outta the house.

Answer 29

i think he's 18 and it was disrespectful but i think there are definatly worse things in life....i think you have to think of his future and is it worth stunting over something like that....i think he was punished enough having to think of his future and where he'd be without your support and i'd let him back and see how his attitude has changed

Answer 30

If you think you did the right thing, then you did.  But what about it most bothered you?  Was it that they were in your room?  You're aganist pre-marital s*x?  You don't remember what you did when you were his age?  Did you forget he was an adult?

Answer 31

Yes you did and I would like to pat you on the back for doing so. If they ca not control themselves then they need to find a motel or rent his own place. Good for you!