I kinda wanna test this new style, so please comment on this poem

Question

catching breath/a title i made

sitting at a desk

not a writer's desk

just an average desk

for sitting/breaking

breathing

tied up in knots

trying to loosen

people faces/ letters

strung through time

in periods

brief pauses

throughout the day

building momentum

till I began

racing downhill/writing

flipping air with heels and fingers

carried quickly

back uphill

with criss-crossed lungs/life

like a net

catching breath

at the peak

of a new literary mountain.

Answer 1

another showing as to why you

are above the rest and have

earned what no other can claim;

  this wickedone is your fan;

  - as opposed to peer -

I love the imagery, once again... the picture created -Wow-

I get the feelings rushing thru of innocence, wonder... a rediscovery.... of time age felt long gone... brought into form and light as racing downhil breakneck speed.... wind rushing up to greet...

-the reason this is so wonderful within your lines... the picture transformed from a gray toned office desk wobbled in and out to choose itself.... and faces time... classically passed dragging the mind..... to a place of self absorbed acceptance.... mundane day to day existence... something snaps.. gives.. the desk no more..

-- reminiscent of Winsor McCay's Little Nemo--

your words take reader away from mundane gray into vividly colored worlds of words built on letters created in surrealistic shards

thank you once more

for another glimpse

--sharing pieces of you --

Answer 2

I like it... I don't think it is horrible it just is different. It shows originality. Kudos for you! I like poetry... that you know is different and not the same old boring c**p.

Answer 3

i can do better with my eyes closed, IT SUCKS

Answer 4

I don't like it.  It doesn't sound thought out.  It sounds like a lot of phrases and words a teenager would use.  I'm not trying to be rude.