I know I'm probably going to slap myself for asking this, but?

Question

Someone said something disturbing to me about being a single mom and it made me start thinking about stuff and I was wondering....

Why is it that single moms are seen as whores that can't keep their legs closed.... But single fathers are commended for standing up and taking responsibility for their actions?

And please, I'm in no way putting down single fathers, they deserve as much credit as all the rest of us parents deserve. Parenting is a hard job, no matter what your marriage status is, what your s*x is, whatever.

I'm just curious.

Answer 1

Women get talked about all the time, If I were a single mom I wouldn't care what any one said about me. People just like talking trash about us women and the men get credit for everything.  

Answer 2

I've seen the debating going on these past few days and I haven't commented because being a single parent is something I know nothing about. That said, I have been offended on Yahoo in the past for some reason or other and have learned to just shrug it off. You know your a great Mom and not a w***e. I have friends who are single Moms and I never think of them being any different to myself. And thats the Gods honest truth.  

Answer 3

because mst people are too judgemental and hypocritical and don't know the full story. The assume if you are single you don't know who the father is, if your young you only had the child for money if your g*y it's just for looks etc.....

people need to be a little more open minded.

Answer 4

Ignorance! I know you do not remember the days when divorce was actually looked down upon.......I remember. The divorcee (woman) was always considered to be a w***e who ran around with married men and was "loose".  lol

This divorced single mother kept her legs closed for too many years! Sometimes I wish I would have been a w***e and had a bit more fun! lol

Answer 5

i think mostly thats becuz there are women who sleep with lots of men than they get prenant bt they dnt kno the baby daddy bt wen do find him the baby daddy starts denying it thats wat i think

Answer 6

I was a single mom for awhile, in a small town and boy did people talk. my family defended me to no end. I just ignored it. I didn't give 2 craps what anyone thought of me. I worked 2 jobs during the work and had a part time job on the weekends, lived with my parents (they watched my daughter during work- they are retired) and I gave my child everything she needed and lots of stuff she wanted. I was tired, a little lonely and much overworked. Whatever people said- I just didn't have time or energy to care. Don't even worry about *people*.

I'm now a SAHM, married with another daughter, too.

I'm going back to work soon part time.

here is what i have learned: People had issues with me being a single mom, people had issues with me being a SAHM and now I get comments about going back to work soon part time- while my kids are in school.

I mean, give me a break. why can't they mind their own business? It's mental. Do your thing.

Answer 7

When a young unmarried woman accidentally gets pregnant, I think she should have known better to use protection or in my opinion be on the pill if you are sleeping with someone.  I don't  call her a w***e, but just completely irresponsible.

When the single dad who steps up to take care of the child does this, they are commended because men don't usually do that.  They could have ran, dumped her, had nothing to do with them ever, but he chose to stay.  Good for him.

So, I'm not sure how many people actually call these young women whores; I certainly don't.  I get so frustrated when a 18 or 19 year old accidentally gets pregnant - at that age you should know better.

If you are single because of divorce, death or abandonment, it's completely different and I'm sure that's not what you are talking about here.

Answer 8

Just ignore them, they are stupid...

Answer 9

i dont think you should care because you are taking care of everything by yourself and if you are not doing something bad then i do not think you should feel bad   this is what i think

Answer 10

I think you've got to take it case by case. I know a lot of single moms who fall into the 'w***e' section....still out partying...have 4 kids and preg with nuumber 5...drinking..drugs...never putting their kids first...kids being taken by cps....but I know a lot of fathers who are dead beats...not taking care of their kids....drugs....sleeping around...not working....alcohol abuse....abusive towards their ex and kids...both have bad apples

BUT.....

Then you have single parents like yourself (Rosie and I were just talking about this-we don't understand how  you do it!) who are amazing....take care of their kids, put their kids first...have stable lives...work several jobs in order to provide since dead beat parents don't help....and raise absolutely wonderful children who become wonderful adults who help end the cycle of dead beat parents.

It's all case by case. I think you're one of the great moms who should be commended for 'standing up and taking responsibility for' your actions. So...kudos to you!

Answer 11

We all make choices and we all have consequences for those choices and some of us are put in that position because of chance.  It doesn't make anyone a w***e, PERIOD.  I made two babies with a man that I am married to and love and if he chose to leave, I would choose to be single until they are grown and that wouldn't make me a w***e.  Some women have a couple of kids by different men.  That doesn't make them a w***e either.

The only single mother I have EVER considered a w***e was a woman with 6 children by FIVE different men.  She never lived or had a relationship with any of them and openly admitted to having them just for their support checks so she wouldn't have to work.  To me, that's a w***e.  Is she a bad mother, yes.  All of her kids have been in foster care and out and some were even forced into adoption.  

Answer 12

Because everyone in this world has a biased opinion. It's always been seen that way, even if the father is the one that was the crappy person and left the woman with the baby. It's a shiity world

Answer 13

It is a sterotype that is given because there are many girls out there that sleep with anything that has a DDDD.  and most of the time end up having 3 + kids living on walfare.   which is not a good thing for those of us who were, or are single moms making it on our own.   I know a couple like that.. But then again, I also know a lot of good single mothers that work their butts off trying to make ends meet.  I was one of those...  I worked 2 jobs just trying to keep the baby sitter paid, and food on the table as well as rent, car payment, etc.  

Answer 14

You know, I agree with you.  It's a double standard of sorts.  Most of the people who pass judgment on single moms (as well as teen moms) had s*x before they were married just like the mom in question.  Why should someone be put down and looked down upon just because she happened to be the one to  get pregnant?  

I was a teen mom...had my first baby at 17.  I don't at all excuse that.    I made some bad decisions and as a result, I had a baby before I was married and at a very young age. God has taken care of us since then and that's all in the past, but the point is this;  I wasn't the only one having s*x in high school!  The people who cast judgment on a single mom have no right if they also have had s*x without being married.  They could have just as easily been the one to get pregnant...or maybe they did and they took the cowardly way out and killed their baby.

I commend you for sticking by the stuff and doing what is right.  You may be a single mom, but just the fact that you are doing everything in your power to make right any choices you've made makes you a bigger person than any judgmental person.  

My hats off to you!

Answer 15

Don't waste your energy worrying about it! I was widowed and became a single mom of 3 kids in a big hurry, people still talked that I was not doing things right, that I would lose our home etc. I even had real estate agents just drop by cause they heard I would have to sell. I worked my butt off to look after the kids and keep everything. I am now remarried and very happy, but they still talk, cause my hubby was not the right guy. I have had to ignore friends (or so called friends, they even tried to split us up with horrible rumors) they even called children's aid because my husband to be raised his voice,and that is the honest to god truth the kids where never or have never been in danger, when that did not work they called and said he drew a knife on them,which did not happen as I was right there and like any mom would protect my kids with my life.  Walk down the street with your head held high. So keep up the good work girl, your spirit and determination will pay off in the end! Oh and I to was looked up on in this darn small town as a w***e, mean while I only dated my new hubby, and was not even sleeping with him yet when the rumors started. I guess I looked at it as if they are talking about me they are leaving the rest of the world alone. It a tough road and a male dominant world, sad but true!

Answer 16

Im a single mom- i have definetly heard my fair share of ingnorance from people (mostly older ones) some people just are to stupid to accept that crappy things happen.  and the whole woman thing- it's because those stupid people still think men can do no wrong and that they are dominant.

Answer 17

Maybe it is just the profession that I am in, but when I see single fathers with custody my first thought is "he must have been able to afford a better lawyer then she could."

She is so not worth your frustration, C. You are a better mom then she could ever be.  

Answer 18

Johnny's Mom-- I am looking at your little ones picture as I type this, and he is SO adorable!! You have absolutely nothing to be slapping yourself about by asking this question, girl!!  You are absolutely right! Society demands a double standard--where all this started is beyond me, cause our young women certainly don't get pregnant by themselves, but then our young men can just go their own way and leave these precious little ones for mom to deal with and everyones okay with it, EVEN the  guys OWN PARENTS, a LOT of times!! I don't get it!!

And if/when the woman takes him to court and proves Dna, then the community acts like he is a hero?? Come on, people!! He's now doing a court mandated act(pay his child support--which is also court-ordered to be deducted from his wages BEFORE he gets paid--so he has NO control over paying it--except to QUIT his job--WHICH,BY THE WAY, they DO frequently, to STOP these regular payments from BEING WITH_HELD from their checks, which in turn means no support for that little one again until he decides to get yet another job and mom can chase him down yet again and file with the court system yey again(vicious, vicious cycle)!

So, yes, dear, I applaud you greatly for taking the very, very difficult road and keeping your child, loving your child unconditionally, and being willing to make the sacrifice to grow up in a hurry to be both mom and dad for your child!

You will never regret it in the long run, and your child will come to know the sacrificies you made for him, I promise!!

BTW* I am NOT saying that all young Dads are this way-- I am seeing a LOT of both single Moms and Dads out there today that are doing a great job with their little ones, and it makes my heart fill with pride!

NEVER let anyone make you feel bad about how you are parenting your children! God lent us our children to raise them and teach them as best we could in the ways of the Lord! This is what we are to do!!

Count your blessings daily, and count those children several times!!

God Bless you and your little one!

Answer 19

honestly, for the same reason that women are put down for everything else while men skate by in America...

Stereotypes.

plain and simple.

Its unfair, and wrong...but it happens all the time.

I, for one, support single mothers because they are strong independant women who didn't by ANY means take the easy way out...they are working hard to take care of their children and that's amazing.

Answer 20

There is a double standard in this society that is much harder on women than on men. Just look at the way people are talking about Sarah Palin, questioning her decision to run for office when she has 5 children, including a special needs infant... if it were her husband running for office, no one would say a word. Women are judged much more harshly, no matter how utterly ridiculous it is.

Answer 21

As you’ll get slapped for asking, I’ll probably get slapped for answering this. LOL.

Note: This is not ALL single Mom’s just those I’ve come to know (but I don’t know all that many)

I lived in a small town and there wasn’t a d**n thing to do. People had s*x, did drugs and drank alcohol. At young ages. I moved away and went to college and ended up moving away again. You can totally tell those that moved away because we stand out from the rest that still remain. When I go home to visit, EVERYONE is pregnant or has at least 2-3 kids. And I’m 25 yrs old, these people are all younger. They’re all having children with different men and it doesn’t seem to be a big deal to anyone. Nobody seems to be married, or even with any of the father’s of those children.

I’m not judging them as a single mother, I’m judging them as a PERSON. What the h**l is wrong with some of these people? My mindset is that women are on their own. We have to stop relying on anyone to take care of us or to help us out because there MAY come a time when you’re totally on your own. So even if you’re married, dating or single, act as though and live as though you’re on your own so that you’re prepared in the event that happens. So why hasn’t anyone tried to make things better? Why do they seem to just keep doing as they have been doing? I know lots of people back home that receive benefits galore. They haven’t stopped having babies and they haven’t started background checks on the men they’re hooking up with. Obviously that’s a mini bit of sarcasm but I seriously think people need to take a GOOD look around them. Sure, you’re entitled to date around, hook up if you want to, but remember the consequences of having s*x. Not just pregnancy, but STD’s. Single woman or not.

Then of course, there’s my husband’s ex gf. When you need a DNA test to figure out who your child’s father is, you’re a w***e in my opinion. You can’t remember who you slept with and when? You slept with a few guys in the same time frame you couldn’t figure out who the father was? Well, that’s OUR situation, again, not all single Mom’s are. But THIS single Mom, yeah, it bothers me a great deal and I do think she made whorish decisions. And she still does because there’s a new man around her place every few months. Again, date who you want, sleep with who you want, but don’t bring it around the kids and don’t cry when you get knocked up again and need another DNA test for round 2.

And just one more time, this is NOT all single Mom’s. This is the Mom’s I’ve come across. And well, that’s why I sometimes get a little pissy towards comments regarding single Mom’s. Because single Mom, divorced Mom, married Mom, whatever the case is….we have responsibilities to our kids and we have  to make better decisions FOR our children. Not after the fact when it’s too little, too late.

As for my husband, I think he's a kick *** father given his circumstances. He does the best he can with the witch he gets to work with. Sadly, because of her antics, we wait for the day when my stepdaughter is a litlte older when she can finally make decisions for herself. Until then, we do the best we can.

My opinion, for whatever it’s worth. Sorry for the book!

Answer 22

Maybe its just me...but I've never looked at single mother's as whores. I am married, but being a single mother or father doesnt make anyone a w***e.  

Answer 23

I've been a single mom in the past, and honestly, I never caught that attitude.  Although, there's a chance it was dealt to me, and I was completely oblivious to it...

Where are you hearing these comments?  At work?  In your social life?  On Yahoo?  If it's on Yahoo, I would ignore it completely.  You'll hear all kinds of messed up c**p on here; nine times out of ten, it's just some loser bozo trying to get a rise out of someone.

So, with that being said...don't slap yourself!

Answer 24

Dont listen to others honey...well done for raising your son!! Give him as much love as you can ! He is the most important person in your life right now!!! Forget whatever someone said to you...seriously! When your child will grow up and have his own kids, people will be jealous of you cos i BET you are going to be a happy mum and grandma!!! Teach your child to be kind, nice and etc...take care of him!! Good luck! :):):)

Answer 25

My mom got pregnant with me at 15 and I grew up watching her go through what you're talking about, so I really do understand. I will say one thing though...my mom and I share a very special bond that very few people in the world could possibly hope to comprehend. I cannot begin to describe the sacrifices I saw her make for me or the extreme debt of gratitude I will have towards her for the rest of my life because of it. She's never made me feel like I owe her anything, so the best I can do is return her unconditional love and try to be the best person that she's raised me to be.

One day your kid will say the same about you. Who cares what some narrow-minded fool who knows nothing about you thinks?

Answer 26

they want to blame someone for the high rate of kids without dads.... so they blame the mom's who step up, because the dad's that took off are not visible.