I know I want it, but how?

Question

I asked a ? 2 days ago, it is obvious that my husband is verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive.We have 3 young children and I need to leave soon. How do I do it? Should I go to a relative or to a hotel? WHat about the 2 kids that are in school? What do I say to the children? Please help! Thanks!

Answer 1

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

These numbers will get you the Domestic Violence Helpline and will route you to the nearest branch.  Good luck.

Answer 2

My mother has been through this. So i know how it works.

First of all, tell the children what's happening and that you can't stay around anymore, send them to some relatives home for a  week or two and find a place to lie , anywhere, but a women shelter would be the best. Don't say much to your husband about it since like you said he is abusive and this could go totally in the wrong sense. Get a plan together, pack your stuff and leave... after your kids come home, just call them up and tell them what has happened, or pick them up, take them someone where and talk to them about how you feel, when my mom did that i wasn't sure of what to do i was extremely upset, but then again.. she never found a good reason to leave.. until i got alittle older, haha Start anew life, and i'm telling you right now DO NOT DELY YOU MOVING OUT AT ALL! PLEASE! my mom had done that, and she had messed up her life totally bad. so don't do what my mom did

Secondly, when you leave, call the health department or women shelter, or peel and tell them about what's happening and ask for counseling, get your head cleared and if your husband wants, get him counsling and try to work things out, if it works, goood if it doesn't then don't go back. kids are kids, with ur husband being abusive and everything it's not good for the kids, after u have settled down, GET THE  KIDS OUT OF THERE A.S.A.P don't leave them with the father, change schools do whatever, but make sure the kids are save, usually when a wife leaves or something, the anger turns onto the child, the child gets abused and then is mentally disturbed, so watch out for that,

follow your heart, that's what counts. take care,

Answer 3

If you have relatives near by that you trust and can count on, then stay with them and take your kids with you. Tell your kids that you're staying with your relatives because they need you to. Kids don't need to know the truth until you know what you're going to do. Talk to your husband and let him know your plans and speak to him in private without the kids around so you can discuss what you want to do.

Answer 4

Contact social services, legal services, and ask them to give you a long list of resources available to women.  Im proud of you for wanting more for yourself and your children! Good for you! Do not think that others wont help you, because your resource and support groups are endless these days. House Of Hope, located I believe in the Denver Metro area, is a wonderful shelter for women in your similar situation. They will aide you in protecting yourself and your children, further their education and allow you to support yourself and family.  

Though the road ahead looks rough, it is FAR worse and destructive, to stay.  

Another idea is to talk to your child's school counselor, if they are someone you can trust....or any local church should be able to offer their services in getting you in touch with the right people.

Again, im proud of you for wanting better out of this wonderful life!

Good luck to you, and take care....

Answer 5

If you have a relative(s) that will take you and your children in, then by all means choose that first. You can always apply for temporary assistance from the state for food stamps, etc until you can afford your own place.  There are shelters too.  But be leary of those because I have seen children removed from homeless parent(s).   File for divorce and child support.  Contact Legal Aid for counsel.  Tell the children that you have to stay with _______ because a change is needed.  Assure them that you are not leaving them and will always be there for them so you are making an even more special life. Good for you!  I will say a prayer for you and your children.

Answer 6

The best time to leave is when he is not there.  Make arrangements with people you trust to have a place to live when you leave. Also call the school/daycare and tell them do not let him pick the children up for any reason or give him information about them as you are about to leave due to abuse, they will do as you say.  Do not do anything that looks like you are leaving, act normal, dont say anything you normally wouldnt, dont give him a reason to think he needs to stay at home.  On the day that you leave, wait till he has been gone long enough to get to work then call the police and explain the situation tell them when he is coming home and that you need them there to keep you safe while you pack up.  Call a family member or friend and have them come help you pack, dont bother with suitcases just use trash bags they are quicker.  As soon as you get to where you are going, go to police and file a restraining order against him and have them fax it to the schools/daycare.  Go to legal aid and get the divorce underway.  Make sure you have evidence of any abuse or others that will vouch for you though it is not really necessary.   Do not have any contact with him, let others do that for you.  do not let him see the children until the divorce is final and then make sure it is supervised visitation and not supervised by his family either.  Do not think for a second he will get the kids....even if you have no job income or a car he cannot get them period no matter how much he pays for a lawyer.

Get out now, dont wait any longer, and dont go back ever.  This is your chance to start a new life....there are good men out there, dont give up and dont let what happened keep you from being happy.

Answer 7

cover your bases. grab your things and leave when he is not around. call the school and advise them of your situation and warn them of any possible consequences and where you are at emotionally and physically.

move to a relative's place that you can trust and be protected by and let some family members know about the situation. but don't make it news to the world.

if he has been physically abusive to you, take the relative with you and report it to police (for the records) and seek counselling on your own.

take the situation in your control, because that is what he is fearful of the most. losing control.

surround yourself and your children with positive people and be open about everything...you need the help and they will help any way they can.

all the best and i am praying for you

Answer 8

good luck, get out now, while you can and while you have the courage, dont go back ever, unless he gets help and has been in a program for a long time.

a woman's shelter is a good start.

you could also try a community college for resource list, if you don't have a shelter in your area.

the people at the shelter will help you re-locate and help you with the kids.

tell the kids that dad loves them and always will but right now you all cant be around him because he gets mad too much.

you don't want the kids to "take his side" so don't put  him down, say nothing bad about him to or around them

if no shelter, or community college, try a hospital or a clinic, or look in the front community pages of your phone book.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 9

Call a women's shelter, they will help you make a plan!  Good luck