I know an 8 year old boy who needs to go to counseling but my sister who is taking care of him cant afford it?

Question

this young boy wont do his homework, clean his room, and constantly blames a 3 year old for everything he dose wrong. His mother is not in any condition to take care of him, so my sister and her boyfriend have had him since he was about 2. now hes 8 and my sister cant control him. I want to help but me and my boyfiend cant afford to feed another mouth let alone put up with this boys inability to do day to day chores and tasks with out a fight. what should i do? is there anything my sister can do get control of him? because their next step might be to let him go to a foster home and neither me or my sister want to see brian end up in one.

Answer 1

if you can get legal temporary custody you can get assistance for the state

Answer 2

My suggestion is to encourage them to get some family counseling by asking Social Services for help.

Answer 3

I agree maybe social servises can help since he is not with his bio parents. Also what about is school? I asked my daughters school for referrals on counseling (we are doing a step-parent adoption) and turns out they offer plenty of services for free. Or if anything I'm sure his school counselor could give you referral help as well on services that would be free or of little charge.

Answer 4

By any chance is the mother on any kind of gov't assistance? If so, they will usually provide counseling by a professional. If not, she could talk to the school and at least he could speak with a school psychologist.

Answer 5

write to super nanny the tv show and maybe she can come and help i watch the show old the time and helps really good with families i have seen so far.

Answer 6

spank the kid!

if she's had him since he was 2, its obviously not the birth mom's fault unless she did crack or anything when she was pregnent.

Answer 7

While the 8 year old boy may need counselling himself, it sounds like what is needed is family counselling that involves the caretaker (your sister) as well as the child.   Your sister needs some new resources for dealing with this child and making him behave.  There are many resources in your community to try to find help.   Consider calling your county family services department and describing your situation and asking if there are any resources for families that need some help with counselling or parenting skills.  Or, you can call your state mental health department to ask about the availability of family or child counselling.  Or, contact your local school district.  Or, see what kind of coverage he has on his insurance for a psychiatric evaluation.   The boy will be in school at that age, and schools are often equipped to steer families towards help when there are behavior issues.   We are fortunate in our district to have a school counselor.  If you have one in your district, you might try discussing this situation with that counselor.  If not, ask the teacher or the vice principal about it.   You also might try contacting charitable organizations in your area, like United Way or Catholic Charities, who could help steer you towards affordable counselling.   Also, involvement in youth group activities like boy scouts, YMCA or church activities can re-inforce habits of disclipline.    Another thing that my school has, is an affordable after school program.   While it does cost some money, it is fairly low cost, and they do help the kids to finish their homework, and it gives the parents or caretakers a few more hours to themselves.   They might also offer it for just a few days a week, if you can't afford it every day of the week.   If your school offers this, you might consider it as a way to help the child form the habit of doing his homework, as well as getting him some help in getting it done.   You might also ask if there is low cost tutoring available through your school.  That might also provide some help with the homework situation.  

Also, you might try consulting other parents.  Is there a friend that this boy hangs out with whose behavior you admire?   If so, ask the boy's mother for advice.  How does she get her boy to behave so well?    

Some other things that may help:

- turn off the TV.  No TV, computer games, radios, and no going outside until the work is done.

- maintain a consistent schedule.  For example, after coming home from school offer a quick snack and the next 30 minutes is homework time.   If he doesn't have homework, he can read a book during this time.  But, he will either be doing homework or reading a book.  Nothing else is allowed. The same way with chores.  There is a time of day for chores, and  he does nothing else until the chores are done.  If he gets them done early, then he can have some free play time.   If he gets them done late, then he'll have less play time, or none.

- Create an incentive program.   Maybe he gets a KUDOS (small slip of paper with the word KUDOS on it, signed by your sister) if he gets his homework done and cleans up his room.   If he saves up 10 of those, he gets a trip to see his favorite movie at the theater.  Make it clear that this is a temporary program to help him through his difficulty, but he should not expect to be "paid" for doing homework or chores on a regular basis.

What I found works well with my kids in motivating them to do their work is to offer a reward, and then let them miss out on it if they fail to meet their obligation.  For instance, if they are   told you will go to the park after you clean up and the 3 year old does his task, and the 8 year old doesn't do his task, then guess who goes to the park?   It's very dramatic and shocking as a child, watching the car pull out of the driveway without you, especially if your brother got to go and you didn't.  The important thing, from a parenting point of view, is to follow through, and actually leave the kid behind (with someone to watch him, of course).    You really only have to do it once or twice, and then all you have to do is tell then that you are GOING to do it, and they believe you.    These days, when I say "I'm leaving", the kids scramble to get it done, and they know not to try to get in the car if it's not done.

Best of luck.   Keep looking for answers.