I know he loves me, but I still desperately want a child?

Question

My boyfriend and I plan to get married. Its one of those relationships that I suppose is hard to define, but we're hopelessly in love and might as well be married. We've been together about 3 years. He has a daughter with another woman and his daughter is nearly 3. The woman pretty much kicked him out of her life while she was pregnant and he wasnt even allowed to be there for the birth. He has never been allowed to see his daughter despite numerous attempts. Finally together we have the money to take this case to court. We've got good jobs now and make pretty good money. I was pregnant once before and lost the baby. Since then I have wanted a baby more than anything, and it pains me to see pictures of his daughter and know that some woman has my mans daughter and yet she hates him. She has what I want more than anything and Im so jealous. I think that helps fuel my desire for a child. I think its the right time because we have the money, his daughter will be coming into our lives when the case is resolved which will hopefully be under a year, and I would really like to assimilate her into our family as much as possible without cutting out her real mother. In short I just want our family to have a fighting chance and for the children to be close. If we had a baby now then that baby and his daughter would be less than 4 years apart. But when we tried conceiving before it didnt work and didnt work and the stress drove us apart for a time. Ive dealt with this desire for a long time and its getting the better of me, but I dont want to bring it up to him in case it damages our relationship or he just says no, which will honestly hurt me a lot. I dont know what to do, I just want a child so badly

Answer 1

you could "accidentally" get pregnant... i mean.... yea

Answer 2

firstly you picked up where she finished with him rather quickly ?

also you seem afraid to talk with him on this issue ...thats not good if you are getting married ....and you say she wont allow contact ..why ?most mums dont get preggers and ditch guy unless the relationship is unhealthy...why did they break up ?have you asked them why ?and dont assume everything that he says on the matter is truth ,sometimes even those we love trick us into believing what they believe [my ex fed his gf bs about me refusing to let kids go with him and all i did was be a mum he took off for 3yrs and never contacted us]........so as i said all may not be as it seems....

as for your loss ,i am sorry but maybe now isnt the time ...build your relationship so its strong ,go through the case first [cos its gonna be a dragged out frustrating bitter process so prepare for stress and being preggers would be worst thing].......and just wait until its settled and girl sees him regularily [introducing her to a sibling right now may upset her ...shes just getting her daddy and then to tell her to share him straight away seems cruel]

goodluck

Answer 3

The key here is that you're afraid to bring it up. If you're going to be married, you must be able to discuss these things. Another part of the problem is envy toward his daughter and her mother. If your partner says "no", it may be because of this. He might sense that a big drama is behind it.

Answer 4

The more u dont calm urself down, the more u will not get pregnant.  a child is a gift from above; it will come at the right time. the right time is according to Above.  pls.. dont stress urself too much because ur emotion is over ur logical thinking and jealousy.  

if u continue this insecure freak.. u wil lose all.

Answer 5

Wait until you are married before getting a baby under construction.

Not enough time has passed for him to really get seriously involved with another woman.

He's still at risk for rebound, and the last thing he needs is a rebound relationship baby.  That would leave him feeling very used and abused.

MONEY does not make for a basis to have a child.  A stable marriage is a basis for starting a family.

Is there something else you can do with your life until you are in a stable, happy marriage?  Something that can take your mind off the "need to breed"?

DO NOT GET PREGNANT NOW!  Rebound danger ahead!