I know my ex regrets her affair?

Question

She also regrets divorcing me cause she wants to be friends and communicate and she can't get either now cause I want it all or nothing. We don't talk but when we do she always tries to find a way to throw the friends question in there and I usually don't get into a conversation with her about it.

So do you think she regrets the whole mess she put herself into ? And do you think she really wants to be friends ?

She had also said things like who knows sometimes people do get back together and sometimes they even re-marry. Why would she say all these types of things ? Her son my step lives w/me and he is 20 so I don't believe there needs to be contact cause of him ? What do you think ?

Answer 1

I think she still loves you and wants to start over.  She knows she hurt you, that's why she wants to be friends first - to see where she stands with you.  I assume a lot of time has passed, so this "all or nothing" business is difficult at best since you are not as close as you once were.

I do think she really wants to be friends but only you can decide whether or not it could be more.  Can you put your anger and mistrust behind you?  Can you be with her without making her pay for what she did?  If the pain she put you though destroyed your love for her, then maybe it would be best to put her in the past and move on.

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 2

Infidelity is such a hard issue to deal with, especially if it's with your partner. It's so much easier to give advice to someone else going through it-but, when it comes down to you receiving it's hard and personal.

Women tend to be more emotional than men. Men more physical than women. There is always an underlined reason for the affair. Gosh do you want to even question a woman twice who has an affair on a man who emotionally scars her, or abuses her? Some people's emotional state is much stronger, so you have to take the individual into consideration.

I'm not surprised that your ex wife is sorry for the affair. Most humane people who see that they have afflicted pain on someone else should naturally feel sorry. And it's good that you hear that. Whether or not you believe it is another story.

It is true though, people do get back after divorces. Some get so close (a hairline) to a divorce and pull out of it. Do you know what saves that marriage?--"Forgiveness".  

Answer 3

So what if she regrets it?  She DID what she did.  How she feels afterwards is immaterial.   I fail to understand how her cheating and divorcing you is the basis for friendship.  Why bother even talking to her?

Answer 4

Think this---any port in a storm---and your about right

Answer 5

I think she'll use you for awhile until yet another guy comes along. You're her backup guy until she thinks she's found someone better which she always will. For her, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Get rid of her.

Answer 6

She may or may not want to be.  It sounds like you don't, though. So why ask us what she is thinking if you don't want to let her in again?

Often the person who leaves wants to "still be friends" -- out of guilt over leaving, out of wanting to keep the other person around in their lives in some way (as backup, or just not wanting to deal with the loss of the relationship), out of wanting to think of themselves as a nice person ("see, we're still friends, it can't have hurt him/her *that* much).  It's up to you, though, if you want to try to be friends or not.  Usually it only works if the breakup is mutual, or if enough time has passed that both people are well over the relationship and there's no bitterness involved.

Answer 7

Sounds like she is a selfish person. Be careful about her motivations. She may be looking for a way to use you. Selfish people regret things sometimes for selfish reasons, not the right reasons.

Answer 8

there should be no contact with you just because of her 20 yr old son living with you. from what it sounds like she really thinks she has another chance with you. I'm sorry but anyone who does that does not deserve a second chance, but that is just my opinion.  i would probably talk to her as much as you don't want to, i would just ask her what she wants from you.. and if she truly is still in love with you and if she regrets what she did. if you want 'all' of her you will need to tell her. (as for me i would probably go for the nothing part). i mean if you are a good man you will find a good women but what you want in your life is none of my business. go from your heart..and just talk to her.

Answer 9

i think your ex needs a job

Answer 10

well she does need to contact you because of him_but why is he with you?? sounds like she is playing you going out and doing her thing knowing you are waiting You say you don't talk but then you say when you do something is not right -then you talk Let her talk to her son -that's it she is playing a game HUGE-Don't be a player Find someone else who deserves someone that would take care of someone else's child Nice man move on. Remember she cheated on you

Answer 11

Maybe after everything is done and final. Then see where things stand.

Answer 12

Have you considered couples or marriage counseling? If you want her back, can get to the root of and work through problems between you both and then forgive and move forward, you've got a chance. But both people need to be willing to put in the effort and take the steps. Discuss your options civilly - and of course friendship is necessary if her son is with you and you will at least occasionally bump into or talk to each other because of him - but consider backing off the ultimatums if you want to move out of this checkmate and have a chance at happiness either with or without her.

Answer 13

Give her a chance bro, obviously you care(d) a lot about her before. Things happen and people notice that where they are isnt what they really want. Only you know if you really want her back or not but i think it would be nice to at least not be totally against the idea. This is coming from a guy that went thru the same ordeal. Maybe your decision will work out better than mine, i mean, im sitting here on Y! answers instead of spending the weekend out with her.

Answer 14

Your the back up Quarterback man get it!

Answer 15

i agree with len

Answer 16

No! She had her chance with you and blew it and nobody deserves to be a puppet on a string. When someone hurts you that deeply it's hard to remain just friends. A true friend that was there in the first place would never think to break your heart and abandon what they had with you to begin with. It sounds like your ex just does not like being alone and just looking for friendship until something else comes along. if i were you i would get out there and really start dating someone that would appreciate you and knows the real meaning of true friendship.