I know now i need to move away, but theres no quick or easy way to do this in my position, what do i do ?

Question

plus i lack the life skills to know how to, what do i do ?

my ultimate goals are to leave england completely , but some one suggested that from my question i probablly need to sooner, but in my situation....living on disability...no work history...no money....theres no easy way surely ?

here is my question before :

Worried that society ,the local community has a ' negative ' perception of me - what can i do ?

i feel like because of my past ive been ' vilified ' to a lot of people, so now, everyone has a negative percetion towards me......and im a person with dignity and honour -

( theres no way in this earth im going to bow down or act a certain way to make people accept me..)

not a chance - so what do i do ?

i honestly feel my life, my hope is over.......in the area where i live, people treat me strangely....are aloof and distant with me.......exchange of glances when i walk in a shop for eg..

i try to go on with dignity and honour as i have done for a while but its getting to hard.. hard to keep doing that..

i have felt estranged and alienated from society most of my adult life now.

im 30 and have endured some very tough times, i was bulied, abused , victimised all my life.......have a minor criminal record.......been in a psyche hospital......suffered head injuries.

its hard to explain everything thats happened but i have suffered severley and missed out on life big time.

never studied or gained qualifications......never been employed......never formed any relationships because of severe low self esteem and clingyness......plus volatile low moods.

ive suffered rage all my adult life due to excessive bullying and victimisation....pent up anger

i have bpd and ptsd......i used to have rage outbursts in public, where i caused alot of public embarressment and humiliation upon myself...lash out...lose it.......become paranoid.....that i was being singled out......get aggressive with strangers.....basically just lose control of my conduct and cause my self to be the object of ridicule.....and attacks off criminal types.

the rage is from severe bullying i went through all my life and pent up anger, unresolved anger.

i stay in most of the time because i struggle with rage feelings,....and extreme anxiety.....ive dealt with paranoia for a long time to that im being personally singled out and ostracised.....

i feel theres some truth to that because people still treat me very aloof and stand offish.....i get condescended and patronised alot like there telling me they think that ' i dont no who iam '

either that or its this feel sorry for me , i pitty you...your a charity case type approach......which i reject all the time..

i really dont trust people anymore, thats the bbottom line....people have been extremely cruel and very brutal to me..

im very wary....distrustful....quick to misenterpret or become defensive or aggressive....feel under attack from people alot.

i have a mental health past.......rage episodes in public.....time in a psyche hospital.( sectioned )......a minor criminal record 8 years ago.

i have nothing, no possessions except an old dusty computer....live in a 1 bedroom flat on disability......i own nothing........no carpets on the floor...an old bed etc.

i have torn ankle ligaments, due to an injury a year ago...waiting for treatment.....was told it will take quite a long time to heal...have to be careful how i walk or else i can easily go over........i feel like a freakin cripple..

what keeps me going through this darkness, my only goal in life, is to get a good paying computer job.....then to leave england emigrate in the future near the coast because i like the ocean..

what chance do i have at that though at my disadvantages ? , plus when most people seem to rejecting...laughing and ostracising me ?

i dont know how to deal with this behaviour and mind games from people except to be aggressive with them and shout them down or out of my presence..

ive took so much from people....i now exist as this vagabond loner, ( not by choice ) - who just wants to go his own way and make his dreams happen..

everynight i sit here in my 1 bedroom flat, hating the existence i live in, knowing its going t take a long time and be very difficult to change...

if i knew how, if i had the life skills, or knew what to do...and was sure of where to go......i would leave the uk tommorrow to try for a fresh start..

but for now i feel trapped.....im overweight....so im determined to diet....use my bike , try to get fit.....im balding....have a lived in look on my face...d**n

but i refuse to give in...i want to achieve those goals - what am i going to do ?

Answer 1

same answer as before

Answer 2

Hi - me again!!

I noticed you have said you want to leave England - don't blame you really, it rains all the time, people are grumpy, threre's no money!

You know, wherever you choose to go, you are still you - overweight, balding, angry, aggresive, skint - all those things are how you have described yourself - they will go with you. Thinking about moving away gives you a focus doesn't it, a new life ( I hear you shout 'YES'), ideas, things you might be able to do, new people around you, not judging you, but being friendly and approachable. But you are still you - maybe angry, maybe cut up about your past - wouldn't that cause you a problem?

Perhaps staying where you are just for the moment would be a safer option - roof over your head, a dusty computer, just a little money coming in - I understand it is difficult for you, but can you think about what you do have ?

You say you have dignity and honour - what a great place to start don't you think?

You also say you want a good paying computer job - what sort of job ? - maybe you could expand a little on that...........

So, you refuse to give in  - what is next, where do you start. Is it right that if you are living on Disablity allowance you get alot of help with education - have you thought about beginning your education?

It's not just about learning, its about moving forward, a small step say onto a 1/2 a day a week course would do so much for you - you would get out, talk to other people that want to start to learn - maybe.....make a friend.

Just in small doses it could help you tremendously.

Do you see what I am saying.......

I am saying that no one can make the bad times go away - nothing can change your memories and life so far, and at the moment, nothing can change the way you feel - that is fact.

I have tried to paint a picture of how life could begin to change - just a 1/2 day a week, just 1 friend - it can make so much difference. You would have bad days/the odd good day, and that could begin to give you hope to add to your "refuse to give in" feeling.

Can you imagine that?

My Regards,

Tootech

Answer 3

Leaving the country doesn't mean that you are leaving all your problems behind. I think the best thing for you to do is to go back to school and meet some new people! Ask someone to help you find a job :) Dont worry about what anyone else thinks!  

Answer 4

You are betwean a rock and a hard place but i can show you the out!

Contact www.sane.org.uk they will guide you through your problems make contact with the nhs direct dotors and if required they can even get you in to a respite enter in your loal are.

There you will get all the help you need includeing education,counciling to deal with your problems etc. Meantime the will work on your self astem and life skills /education. Even down to feeding you, teeching you how to eat well with a cheap balenced diat with all your firber, 5 a day of fruit/veg and this will kep you in trime feel better, and give you a good waight to hight balance

If you then need rehoming in a new area they will arrage that too and get grants to cover the cost of re furnishing your new home etc

If you like my answer check out this new uk serch engine which raises funds for uk good causes/charitys i can show you a new way to surf the web and evertime you click you make a diffrace to your own good cause

http://www.everyclick.com/tim-foley

Answer 5

Hey again, it's been a while since I was on here. I'm glad you're still here. Normal people are arseholes,  they're the ones who need bloody help! I've lived a few places and have to say England is the most depressing place! The people are so selfish and horrible.

"there's no way in this earth I'm going to bow down or act a certain way to make people accept me.." Good, your reaction to being treated like c**p seems perfectly valid to me.

I don't know if my input helps you at all, but on the off chance it does I'll keep posting! I like the other answer, Moving away might help. You've nothing to loose by looking. Maybe living with someone else might help? You can come stay with me for a while if you like? Search S75 4DA on multimap, it's a very pretty place (No ocean though!). Even if it's for a few days or weeks to give you a break. I really want to help you get out of this but you need take a leap and let me in, trusting is hard to do, but if you don't trust anyone, you might not get out of this.

E-mail me if you want to talk, I'll always answer. I'm one of the good guys, having dealt with quite a few things myself and watching my little brother get patronised constantly because of his asberges I'm not going to turn into a normal person anytime soon!

All the best

Sam

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