I know someone that is trying to adopt her sisters children & she gave me a form called "adoptive applicant

Question

personal reference form" to fill out. Is that normal that she would just hand the form to me & ask me to fill it out? And how much would my answers even determine whether or not she was able to adopt the children.

Answer 1

I'm doing this right now and yesterday had an officer of the court come to check out my house and interview all of us.  What you write does matter, it will effect if she can or not.  Some of those questions are really stupid and the people filing out mine got a good laugh.  So be honest, it asks on there if you had to would you allow her to adopt your kids, so think about that.

Answer 2

It is normal for a PAP to hand papers to a friend and ask for a reference.  We were required to have three references, and they became part of our homestudy.

If you honestly do not think that this person will make a good parent, please share your concerns on the reference form.  You should be able to send the reference form directly to the caseworker who is working with these children.  Your friend will never know (well, she might guess) who gave the bad reference.  Be totally honest.  

I don't exactly have the most fabulous past, and when I handed out my reference letters, I asked my friends to be completely honest about everything.  I was honest through the entire application process.  I figure, if I'm not meant to adopt, then I won't adopt.  It would have saddened me to not be approved, but there is a reason the caseworkers make the decisions they make - and even if I disagree, I know that there are still things about adoption that I don't understand (and at that point, I was really clueless).

Answer 3

I can understand you being hesitant with her giving you the form. That means that she will expect you to give it back to her so whatever you write, she will see.

When completing the reference be very vague. Whenever possible, use one word answers. Do not elaborate on any of the questions unless specifically asked to and then be very short with your answer. At the end of the questionnaire, write for them to contact you with any questions. This is usually a red flag to people reviewing the reference to read between the lines. (or lack of in this case) If someone wants to give someone a good reference, they will usually be very specific about the persons good qualities. And usually will go on and on about the person. When you use very short answers, it says more than you realize. And this way, you don't have to feel uncomfortable having the person you are giving a reference see that it was not a good one.

Answer 4

it is  refference form for her to get her adoption license we had to do it also.  Be honest on the form they don't tell you the specifics fo why you get denied.

Answer 5

It is normal for someone who is looking to adopt to give these forms to their friends who can recommend them as someone who would be a good parent. What isn't normal is that she apparently thinks you will think she is a good parent and recommend her for adoption, when she has shown you evidence to the contrary. They will pay attention to what you say, especially if you say something negative.

I think you should fill out the form honestly and completely. If you do not think she would be a good parent, say why, in a straightforward and unemotional manner. If you truly believe she would not be a good parent to these children, then you should say so -- for instance if you really believe that on an ongoing basis the children she has already are too much for her--not just every once in awhile, everyone has those kinds of days, but if she has a whole day like that every week, then that might be too much.

Keep in mind the whole context, as well. If she knows these kids and they love each other and view each other as family, then that would make her a much better parent for them than a stranger with equivalent skills -- or even than a parent with slightly better skills. But if she's a truly bad parent, then she'd likely be bad for them, because they'd probably be taken away again -- just awful for them!

I don't think it is strange they would let her adopt (or be guardian for) her sister's children. Just because her sister lost her parental rights, doesn't mean it is dangerous for them to be around her and interact with her -- it just means it isn't safe for her to be responsible for them as a parent should be. It could be that she is neglectful, or inattentive due to drug use, or something similar -- but that she would not intentionally hurt them for the world.

I hope for the children's sake that the woman who gave you this form will be able to assume guardianship of her sister's kids, and that losing custody will help their mother turn her life around and regain custody. That would be the best case scenario.

But if the woman who gave you the form truly cannot handle 2 children, then 4 more might push her over the edge to where she cannot be a good enough parent to any of them. And her nieces are going to be very needy. So examine your thoughts about her parenting carefully (i.e. don't just write something negative because she imposed on you one time and you are mad--not saying that was the situation) and then give your honest answers.

Answer 6

The personal refereces are just one minor part of the process. If they are like ours you should be able to complete them and send them in--rather then give them to the friend.

The most important thing to so if complete them honestly...

Answer 7

I don't know the form or the laws in your State (as you know). What I do know however..is that you need to be very honest when filling that form out. Yes they do matter. And since it is the children that are the priority..the Courts need every possible opinion before deciding. If you are certain..then do not hedge your answers. The children's lives depend upon it. (I am not in anyway implying physical danger, but by the sounds of it, emotional upset is a distinct possibility)

Answer 8

If that is the case then I would be ensuring that you write all the details you just said.

How does she lose her parental rights to all 4 children ? seems so strange

Answer 9

Yes, it is normal...

the state.. wants to no what their friends think of them ???.. as much as a boss or stranger or the grocery store clerk.. ..

if a friend can't say anything good.. then that tells them a lot..

u need to think long and hard..

U could have these children's' futures in ur hands..

would they be better off.. with their aunt.. ?????  or in a foster home..????? where they have food,shelter.. clothes... and a education???? provided by the state..  Give them a chance...

good luck