I know this may sound crazy but....?

Question

My husband and I have a 8 month old. My husband wants me to get off the pill this month to try for another baby. He is 39 and I'm 29. I am not ready for another baby yet. I have explained this to him over and over. He says "No we are stopping the pill in June!" He says he's getting older and wants to be able to do things with the kids. I understand but my body isn't ready yet. So what I'm doing is secretly staying on the pill while he thinks I'm off. Is there a way he can find out I'm still on it? HELP!! Thanks! If he finds out I'm lying he'll be so upset with me. I know this is wrong, but he just won't listen to me that I'm not ready! What do I do?

Answer 1

I have been there too girl! My husband is alot older too and he wanted me to get pregnant way sooner than I did and I just gave in. We also started trying when my daughter was only 8 months. Luckily it took till she was 13 months to conceive our son. I do wish I wouldnt have let him pressure me. that is a big decision and you both should agree on how close they are in age. It was very hard having two so tiny and in diapers a the same time. I never think its a good idea to lie to your spouse. I mean especially about something a big as having a baby. There should be no secrets in marriage.

Answer 2

Well, first off....as rude as this may sound...he's not much of a man if he is pressuring you and not caring about what you have to say!

Also, I think that you knowing it is wrong to do what you are doing and still doing it tells me that you both need to TALK!

There are underlying trust issues here that need to be addressed!

Your husband NEEDS to understand that you are THAT SET ON your decision...and HE NEEDS to listen! YOur body also needs a year before you should get pregnant again!

Your husband sounds a bit controlling..is he?

Yes, he may be getting older, but I don't think 4 months is going to be the end of the world for him......

You two need to make a decision on this TOGETHER...otherwise you will have HUGE arguments and problems...I wish you the best!

Answer 3

I agree with previous answer.  It is your body for cripes sake.  They are recommending (although not everyone does it) 2 years between children.  It takes alot out of you.  I understand his point of view, but seriously, what is waiting a little while longer going to matter?  He should respect your decision since it is you that has to go through it.  Also, having a small baby and being pregnant is going to be a completely different ball game than being pregnant with no kids.  My son is 1 and I think about how exhausted I am all the time.  I can't imagine having the energy I need for him and being that "pregnant tired" again!  I just don't feel like it would be fair.  Men really don't understand anything we go through so I guess it is pretty impossible for them to relate!

Answer 4

Stop lying to him. Instead go to your doctor and tell him the situation and ask for some kind of written medical report for why you SHOULDNT get pregnant.

Show this to your hubby and hopefully he should understand. At least tell him you want to wait a year or so more.

Who knows there could be serious problems with you or the baby going pregnant soo soon between births. And personally dont think its normal. siblings average 16 to 24 months apart in age.

Answer 5

Well he is pressuring you to do something you don't want to do, which is not a healthy relationship. If you don't want or "AREN'T READY" for another baby, it is completely up to you and he should not decide. It takes two people to make a baby, and one person can't just dictate to the other. There isn't a way he can find out unless he catches you. I suggest you do not have another baby if you aren't ready. And keep trying to get through to him.

Answer 6

you two really need to work this out, if need be with a counselor. Think of it being on the other side, what if you really really wanted a baby and he said no, and so when you tried to stop taking your pills, he found a way to trick you into taking them. It's never best to do something behind your spouse's back, that will cause serious trust issues. Sit down with him and have a heart to heart, if need be YOU go to a counselor by yourself and ask him to come but if he won't you go yourself and maybe the counselor will give you some tips on what to do. Something that won't result in lying or deceiving your husband. That wont' end well!

in regards to the statement above mine about kids being at least 16 months apart, if you were to get pregnant now the children would be no less than 17 months apart... perfectly normal.

Answer 7

I don't think he would be able to find out. I understand what your thinking you just had a baby 9 months ago. It really takes a toll on you. But i also know what your husband is thinking my boy friend is 10 years older than me our son is 6 weeks and he is already talking about a daughter i just told him my body isn't physical, mentaly or emotionaly ready for another baby for at least 2 years good luck and remember its your body and i know you love your husband but he isn't the one carrying the baby and trying to take of a another baby i know he will help you but when your by your self its hard good luck and gods speed

Answer 8

It's not a good idea to lie.  He's bound to find out, and then it will not be pretty!

Answer 9

The ultimate decision on whether or not to have children belongs to the woman, seeing as how we're the ones who take the pills/shots/wear the patch... or not.  That said, the two of you need to reach some kind of mutual understanding because he will eventually find out you're still on the pill. You'll leave them out, he'll find them while he's looking for someone else. Then he's going to be upset. I think 18 months (assuming you get pregnant quickly) between babies is too close, but that's just me. I know people who have them closer than that and think it's wonderful. Make an appointment and talk to your ob/gyn about how you feel and take your husband with you. Hopefully having someone else in your court will help your husband understand.

Answer 10

I would talk him into a compromise and maybe he will be willing to give you another 6mos to a year before you start trying. You just need to talk this out and maybe your doctor can talk to him about how it is not good for your body to have back to back pregnancies. Good Luck!

Answer 11

Your prescription will show up if you use your insurance card. They keep records of the medicines they pay for in your plan. Blood work can show what you take also.