I know this seems petty, but...?

Question

I have a really close friend who always, always tells me how fat she is. She's about 5'5"ish and weighs 130. Her BMI is less than mine, and it's starting to really irritate me...that's all she talks about. She doesn't see how skinny and tan she is (she complains about being white too).

It almost hurts my feelings because I am whiter than her and I weigh a few pounds more than she does (we're the same height). I'm fine with my body.

What can I say to make her stop saying all this stuff?

P.S. I realize this isn't a huge problem, but I'm getting irritated and I'm not sure what to say.

Answer 1

tell her she's hurting your feelings and to knock it off- if she doesn't get it then start getting really angry and yell at her, some times people need to get yelled at in order to start listening

Answer 2

Well, she has low self esteem, and is looking for reassurance or for you to join the misery. You need to quickly change the subject or ask her to politely stop.  

Answer 3

I’m 5’5” too. Right now, I’m about 120 something and I think I’m fine. Once, I went up to almost 130, I panicked and lost 10 pounds in two months. Another time, I was about 110, I was thin and I loved how my clothes fit perfectly but everybody told me I was too skinny so I gained a few pounds back. So, in my case, being around 120 is my ideal weight. If I’m 130, I just look like I’m pregnant which used to be okay but now I’m too old for this. Some of my friends are as tall as me of even shorter, and they can be 130 or 140 pounds and look fine and beautiful because their fat reserve is all over their body, not just their belly.

Also I could be 120, in shape, thin and muscular…or 120, out of shape, flabby with a little belly. Muscle mass take three times less space than fat mass so for the same weight and height, a person in shape would be much thinner than a person out of shape.

According to the BMI, all athletes are obese so it does not take into account the very important issue of fat vs. muscles.

Maybe your BMI is higher than your friend but if you’re in better shape, then you might look thinner because you have more muscle mass and therefore be fine with your body, whereas your friend, with a lower BMI, could be out of shape and not happy with her body.

Also your friend might have body image issues and she cannot see herself the way other people see her.

You should not take it personally and “have your feeling hurt” because this has nothing to do with you.

I think you too are having a body image issue of your own. When you’re saying your friend doesn’t see how skinny she is, and she’s 130…For the same height, I could understand people telling me I was too skinny at 110 but at 130, I was definitely not skinny!

The bottom line is that you’re fine with your body and your friend is not. This has nothing to do with weight or BMI and comparing yourself to her. You should focus on helping your friend see herself in a better way or help her get in better shape. Just feel blessed that you like yourself and help your friend like herself too.

Answer 4

Oh My Gosh! You sound just like me!  

My friend does the same thing! We are the same height.. I'm 1/4 mexican but she is tanner than me and she's not mexican at all. i'm really pale!

But I'm fine with that whatever.. But what bothers me is she always says she's fat.. BUT SHE IS NOT. She doesn't eat much which worries me.

Just boost her confidence up. That's what i do!

Tell her she is beautiful and perfect the way she is. And be proud of yourself to. I try and boost both of our confidences up.

Tell her how you feel, if you want to. Tell her not to take it the wrong way!

The mirror makes it seems you are bigger than what you really are.

Answer 5

she sounds like she is in perfect shape, better shape then me! =P

Send me a picture of her. XD

Answer 6

The best thing you can do is help her to love her body the way it is.  Also, if that doesn't work (or until it does) try suggesting that the two of you try something little to make a change.  Try suggesting that you start drinking more water instead of soda, go to the beach or a pool and lay out for the day.  

Answer 7

I would try first of all to redirect the conversation every time she says it.

Just change the subject. Don't give any power to her insecurities. Give her compliments and when she starts to say I am fat or too white tell her that it is much more attractive to accept a compliment gracefully with a simple Thank you. Basically just don't let her say it. I also think that it is fantastic you are ok with your body and maybe you should role model for her.

Answer 8

It all depends if shes saying it because she really has a distorted self image, or if shes saying it for the attention. If your sure shes saying it for the attention you should tell her to stop complaining, that this is the best her body is going to look. BE HAPPY!!!!! what you have now is going to look perfect compared to how your body is gonna look in 10 to 20 years. 8)