I know your tired of me, but will you give me some feedback on my first body paragraph too please???

Question

I know it may seem really unorganized, and it probably is becuase that's how I tend to write but ANY feedback is welcome!

Lord of the Flies by William Golding is a controversial tale to say the least. The novel is one that is bound to force the reader to question his or her own moral fabric, which is quite a feat in such a short book. This is a feat that is made possible mostly due to the abrupt conclusion, which, to the naked eye, could be described only as a “happy ending”, though to the seasoned reader and annalists, is proved to be much more. The novel is resolved with the children being rescued from the island by passing sailors, and yet for Ralph, the protagonist of the work, he is left with none of the happiness this should have brought him, if perhaps it would under other circumstances. The young boy was forced to mature in a short space of time, in order to succeed, and keep with him his life. Having gone through the death of comrades and friends, and being hunted by the same, Ralph had to realize the truth of the matter. The truth, that whether they be men or boys, a human was willing to kill to do whatever it takes to stay alive. This truth conveyed itself in the harshest of ways and it showed no mercy to the young leader who had taken on his responsibility in the time of crisis. Although, one must think. Had this not occurred, and had the plane not been blown out of the sky, what would he have learned? What would anyone have learned? This series of events leading up to the final and most horrible betrayal was all necessary and it made the novel so disturbing that it actually caused individuals to think. This last act of human instinct took the reader in so deep, that it actually threatened not ever to let go, not ever to relinquish the unsuspecting student to return to the civilized world. Yet, when the time came, as promised the reader stumbles out of the mouth of the work and knows that the fictional world in which they had visited was real, and that it told only the truth. That one truth that an individual holds deep inside of them and tries so hard not to let show. The reader knows this, and yet it cannot be explained. Only through the course of the novel and in its final revelation can the truth be explained. The suffering on the part of Ralph, Piggy, Simon, and all of the other boys was necessary. The children’s torment was understood by all and yet experienced by very little if any of the audience; because it was something they all knew. The cruelty of the world had affected every one of them as it had the island-dwelling boys, and this is one of the major reasons why the mouth of the cave had seemed so tempting. The reason why the reader felt the same anguish Ralph did when he saw Piggy killed. This is the “happy ending” taken away from the tale.

Answer 1

What are you trying to tell the reader? It's not very good to be unorganized because that creates confusion when the someone is reading this. You seem to be stretching out your points which is a very bad thing to do. I would advise you to get rid of sentences or combine sentences.

Answer 2

Sounds good to me. You have a very big vocabulary!!  

Answer 3

divide it to more paragraphs, its a nice story though.

good work

Answer 4

You seem to have some pretty good ideas here, but I think your presentation could use a little work.  For one thing, this is a looong paragraph!  It seems like you have enough material to split this into two, or even three paragraphs.  If you don't want to go that route, though, be as concise as possible, to make it easier on the reader.  For example, you write:

"The novel is one that is bound to force the reader to question his or her own moral fabric, which is quite a feat in such a short book. This is a feat that is made possible mostly due to the abrupt conclusion, which, to the naked eye, could be described only as a “happy ending”, though to the seasoned reader and annalists, is proved to be much more."

Let's look at these sentences, and see if we can do some paring down.  In the first sentence here, you introduce the idea that it is quite a feat to accomplish what the author did in such a short novel -- good start!  But, your next sentence starts with "this is a feat that...".  That sort of repetition, especially so immediately, confuses the reader, and lessens the impact of your point.  You could just launch right into the sentence, saying "This is made possible..."

I know cutting the words "this is a feat" doesn't seem like much, but if you can find things like that in every other sentence, you can probably cut this down by 6 or 7 lines. The fewer unnecessary words you use, the more impact each of your words has.