I lied about my ethnicity?

Question

I was born here in the USA and I lied about my background..I denied my dad...I would tell people he was my step dad and I would say my dad was somewhere else and that i had no clue of his fate.

The reason why i did this was because by that time I didn't get along with my dad. i felt i HATED HIM with passion. I was little and stupid, yes..I was only 13 when I started saying this to people when they would ask me about my dad.....and then things got worse and i just had to cover the lie even if my dad wasn't that monster i didn't like anymore... he found out i was saying this when we wouldn't get along and i know it hurt him but i guess he thinks i just stopped saying it...but i didn't..it was such a big lie..and i was so afraid of telling people the truth in the sense that i didn't want people to think i was crazy so i had to kept the secret.

and eventually things only got worse cause every person i would meet i would tell them the same.

Ive been lying about these for 4 years already..and now i don't know what to do ...i realized ive been fake and now that im older i feel so ashame of what i did..i can't believe i did what i did and i let it get this far...

my childhood was very hard..and my teenage years were hard aswell.. i went thru a cultural shock and i got myself into alot of trouble.. I was diagnosed with ADD when in school. but i've changed A LOT . and i mean A LOT. I'm 18 now and even if now im a peaceful , more rational , focused young girl .. i just felt that lie was destroying me in the inside.

I just feel like not talking to anyone i used to hang around with because of my lies.....Im scared of theire reaction ..i don't feel like confronting them...or having to explain myself to them.

I just feel like making a new life. meeting new people who I can actually be ME in all senses

But right now I'm just totally confused. I know my dad never deserved this ...I also have a B.F. who's not in town right now and he hasn't been for a while. but he always calls me and i do too ...and i feel like telling him the truth since its the only thing i haven;t been honest with but im terrified! im sure hes gonna think something like " if she lied about such a thing she sured lied to me about many other things "...

I NEED SOME ADVICE :( REALLY....

Answer 1

i do the smae thing i live in haiti and i know the hate that many haitians have towards white americans so i lie and say im jamaican, and lie about my father as well me and my dad did not have a good past, in short this is wrong, not to strangers but if you tell people close to you or you want ot be close to you

Answer 2

I liked Armado's answer.. he seems to relate to some of what you went through. But denying part of your own ethnicity seems extreme if you are having a hard time with your father. If you never knew him at all, that would still be part of your heritage.. part of you. You have grown up, and it sounds like you are now realizing that. One way to help dispel misconceptions about one's ethnicity is good-old-fashioned PROVE them WRONG. In order to do that, you must own up to your heritage.. and be the best person you can. The truth will take a lot of your burdon away. Anyone in your life who can't accept it, or understand why you felt that way is someone you don't need. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hi.

The first thing you have to do in ask your dad to forgive you for having denied him. This fact is quite terrible, if you denied your father you denied part of you as well, is like spiting to the sky.  You know?,

What calls my attention is you seem not to accept your ethnic origin. It is not only if your father was terrible,. You dont mention it but I assume your father belongs to an ethnic origin that for its caractheristics coud be in some way and in certain cases, objet of social "stigma". (For example: He can be a Mexican wet back and you feel ashame of it for you are trying to be part of a social group in wich "mexican wetbacks" are seeing like inferiors)  tell me if i am wrong?..

First of all you have to be in peace with people you have hurted, with your heart in your hands talk to your father tell him that you love him and you feel really bad for what you did (if you really feel so) and remember that if you support a lie, this lie will take you to bigger lies until reaching the point you are not going to be capable of mantain those big bunch of lies and everything is going to be worse..

You are very young you have to correct this big mistake but dont feel so hopefulless for youngsters commonly commit a lot of mistakes, this is the way life is and we learn from our mistakes.

I am sure people who really appreciate you is going to understand you and forgive you. Moreover telling the true about this fact and speaking with your bare feelings will make you grow as a human being and you will be percieved as a better person among your friends and your relatives.

If I were your BF and you explained the whole thing to me I woud understand you speccially if I loved you, I would look at you as a  woman who is geting mature, a woman who is trying to fix things up instead of a lier for saying the true and saying "I am sorry" implies a lot of guts if you know what I mean.

Good look and get rid of prejudgements.