I live in fear that we're going to have surprise guests every weekend. What can I do?

Question

Every time I know that my mother in law has off, she calls my husband Saturday morning at 7 am, first thing to see what he's doing. He's usually working. She swindles him into going home early (he works for himself) and letting her visit us. She gives him little to no notice, and he gives me even less notice.

I get extremely anxiety stricken and I feel I must keep the house in immaculate shape just in case I get a phone call that she's coming over in a few hours. It's ruining my life. I've become almost OCD about keeping the house clean. My husband doesn't understand and he says "The house is always clean." Yes, thanks to my OCD caused by his family and him. He thinks it's ok to surprise me with their visits and I am very angry and cold with them when they come over.

They also like to surprise all of us by bringing their bathing suits and towels to use our pool without anyone's permission. I desperately want to take down the pool because we're running into problems with not being able to use it due to algae and cold weather. I am tempted to dump in too much shock in case they show up this weekend to swim.

How do I relieve my anxiety? I am constantly cleaning because my husband is terrible at communicating with me when they are coming over. I figure if I over compensate, I can live with less worry about when they will show up. I talked with my husband about giving me notice, and he hasn't done much better than one hour's notice so far. I have a 9 month old baby who I don't spend much time with due to this fear and anxiety. Sometimes when he calls to announce they'll be over, I have to rush to give my baby and myself a shower.

How can I live in peace already?

Answer 1

It has to be addressed.  And your hubby should be the one to address it since it is his momma.    You can't go on like that or you will experience a level of stress that could eventually cause illness.  Got to talk about it!  What would be so bad about family seeing your house a little messy?  It's a reality that things get messy- especially when you have a 9 month old!!!!

A suggestion: why not let them come over when your house is not immaculate- and if and when a comment is made, say "I wasn't expecting company this weekend."   Don't be controlled by your mother in law!

Or go pop up at her house for a change.  Call her when you're on the way over. Like 5 minutes away.  It would be interesting to see what you find.  

Answer 2

Time for you to visit your Momma & leave hubby home to deal with it.  

You are in a no win situation here as his Momma is always going to stick her nose into  your life.   And it's not likely Sonny will stand up & say, "No" to Momma.  

This is really going to be a cross you don't want to bear.  I fear you'll have to make Sonny choose between you & Momma.  Don't be too surprised if he chooses Momma.

Answer 3

You have to put your foot down with your husband - it's just as much your house as his - make the rule that she has to give you both a minimum of three days notice before she comes over; otherwise, either go out for the day, make plans, and/or just lie and say that this weekend's not good for visiting.

Answer 4

Tell him that they don't need to come over every weekend and that you don't like it. Tell them if he wants them to come over or they want to come over he should tell them he will talk it over with you. Then ask him if he'll come home and you can make plans for them to come over.