I lost my baby, help please...?

Question

I had my 12 week check up today and the baby did not have a heartbeat. It has been dead for 2 weeks. I am scheduled for a D & C Friday unless my body passes the baby on its own before then. Has anyone had this happen? Is it a bad/painful recovery? This was my 3rd pregnancy and my 1st miscarriage. Please help me I dont know what to expect, either with the D & C or my body passing the baby.

Thanks a lot to answers.

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. :( I know hard hard this is on so many different levels. With my first pregnancy, I found out at 10 weeks I had lost the baby. I chose to have a natural miscarriage at home, (Dr. gave me med to speed up process) because I thought it would be easier emotionally on me. I was much happier to be at home for this, however, in my case, I was still in extreme pain that percocet wouldn't even come close to helping, for days after the miscarriage. On the 3rd day, my Dr. had me come into the office, because I still should not have been in that much pain. Turns out my body did not pass all the tissue it should have and she had to do a partial D&C in her office. Not fun. She explained that while this wasn't common to happen, it does to some women. I do know women who have had the full D&C from the beginning and they both said that it wasn't as bad as they thought it would be. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and good luck. : )

Answer 2

i'm so sorry, that's aweful.

:C

Answer 3

I am so sorry!  This happened to me in my first pregnancy at 10-12 weeks.  I cramped and bled for 2 days and passed the baby at home.  It was a lot more painful than my three subsequent term deliveries but that was in 1986 so I hope you get better care than I did.  I did not yet have an OB so I just went to the ER and was told I was likely to lose the baby.  You have an OB and have carried babies to term so you should be able to demand pain contol and competent care.  I was told that most of the time this happens because the baby has bad chromosomal abnormalities and would never survive.  Bless you!  Please find someone to talk to.  If people do not know how to respond or seem insensitive, know that there are many out here who have been through it and know how huge of a loss you are experiencing.  Even though I have 3 wonderful healthy kids I still remember that I could have had a 21 year old now too.  Three things: 1) demand pain control, 2) talk to someone, 3) allow yourself to grieve.  My prayers are with you.

Answer 4

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. I had that happen with my 1st pregnancy and it was one of the most horrible times in my entire life. I was in shock and disbelief when they couldn't find the heartbeat! I immediately was sent to the hospital next door and had a D & C done. I was put to sleep for the procedure, which I believe was much better. I have heard that they can do it while you are still awake, but that would have been too traumatic for me. I was released later that evening and was in a bit of pain in my abdomen as well as in my pelvic area, once the anesthesia wore off. If you have a D & C, you will have some bleeding for several days and then it will taper off. The most important thing is to get lots of rest afterwards, take your vitamins and take any help that you can! I will tell you though that the worst part was the hormonal issues right after. I was very weepy for a few weeks, almost like post-partum depression. Just be aware of that and again, don't try to do too much, especially if you have other little ones to take care of. Again, I am sorry. I truely DO know what you are going through.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss.

You will be put to sleep for the D&C and when you wake up there will be no physical pain. But the emotional pain is another thing, Don't be afraid to seek help if you need it

Answer 6

Your story touched me. I am so sorry for you. I had a similar experience and I understand your worries. But I don't think the physical part is as hard as the emotional aftermath, so do take some time and get some help with that part too.

I lost a baby at 18 weeks due to a birth defect.  I had to have a D & E, but it's essentially the same procedure.  The physical part of it was not very painful, and that was somewhat of a relief, but after that the grief set in. I had one healthy child and couldn't understand why this happened. My  husband tried to be supportive, but his way of dealing with  it - focusing on work, travel, and business as usual - didn't work for me, and we had some arguments about this.  I thought he couldn't understand my emptiness; he thought I was dwelling on it and making myself worse.

Ultimately what helped heal us most was getting pregnant again.  It only took 3 months, and though I was very fearful that something would go wrong again, I gave birth to a beautiful daughter exactly one year to the day after having the D & E.  It was a very spiritual experience and convinced me that ultimately, in one way or another, life triumphs over death.

Take care of yourself.  You'll get through this and you will find happiness again.  Life will triumph, somehow.

Answer 7

The D&C is not to bad. They will put you to sleep and they scrape your uterus.  When you wake up you will have a little discomfort.  The discomfort feels like mild cramps from when you start your period.  Sometimes the med. they use to put you to sleep can make you feel sick to your stomach.

Answer 8

I'm sorry for your loss.  It did happen to me.  It was my 2nd pregnancy.  I went in for my 12 week appointment, (which happen to be my anniversary), and my dr couldn't find a heartbeat.  The baby had passed 3 weeks earlier. I was devestated, I never thought in a million years that anything like that could happen to me.  Since the baby had been dead for so long, my dr scheduled a D&C for the next day.  I was really nervous about it, I asked tons of questions.  I was given the option of either being put under general anesthia, or to be given some medicine that made me feel like I had a few too many drinks.  I opted for the medicine that made me feel drunk.  Which I know regret. I woke up twice during the procedure, once when they were using the vacuum and another when my doctor was finishing up, (I heard her thank all the nurses and tell them everything went great).  As for pain, I had very little pain.  More like I was uncomfortable.  My doctor did prescribe me some pain medicine, but I didn't even take one.  My heart goes out to you.