I lost my beloved 12 year old cat yesterday. How can I cope with this huge hole in my heart?

Question

He got suddenly ill on Saturday afternoon and I rushed him to the ER vet. He stopped breathing right after we arrived. They resuscitated him but he appeared to have been very damaged. He was able to breathe on his own but needed oxygen because he was struggling. They gave him an IV also. I sat with him all day in my lap yesterday petting him and telling him I loved him. He barely moved..just a few twitches here and there.. I could tell that mentally he was probably mostly, if not completely gone. Right after 6pm, I made the hardest decision of my life to have him put to sleep. They allowed me to sit outside in the sunlight and under a tree on a blanket and I held him until his heart stopped beating. Now I just feel beyond awful. I have not eaten since Saturday evening when I first took him in. I can't stop crying. I can barely work and when I was driving to work I wanted to swerve my car into the concrete barrier median. Is it normal to feel this? I can barely function. I keep worrying somehow I made the wrong decision, that if I had more money maybe they could have done more to find out what was wrong, I feel awful thinking about me not realizing he was really sick before hand..all these thoughts are just making me insane. Please help.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby.

I know you're wracked with guilt and sorrow, and I can't even pretend to know what you're going through, but I can tell you with certainty that your kitty is happy and safe and loves you unconditionally.  

The decision you made wasn't the wrong one, it was just the hard one.  He isn't gone.  He's just free of his body.  He is still around you.  If you try to open your heart and maybe even meditate, you might be able to feel his energy and love.  Talk to him and tell him how you feel and how much you love him.  He wants to comfort you.  All your animals want to comfort you.  They know he's fine now.  But they need you and your family needs you as much as you need them.  

Love and hugs and blessings to you all.

lu

Edit:  I'm still crying.

I found someone else's Q and one of the answers has a beautiful poem:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 2

I know how you feel. A little over 2 years ago my precious 16 year old cat Bobby died in my arms. I will never forget seeing the life leave his little eyes. It hurt me so bad and I kept thinking what if I had taken him to the second vet earlier? What if I had more money? Maybe they would have been more willing to help me but you know we can't beat ourselves up over things like this. Your little cat is now up with my Bobby frolicking and playing together. I tell you something that made me cope is when my friend told me that we all get to live in a mansion in heaven when we die and that little Bobby was up there waiting for me at my mansion and he will come running and meet me when my time comes like he always used to do here. It's hard to deal with. It's horrible pain but you will get passed it. I have a cat now named Leo. Leo turned 15 in May so I worry about him a lot but I am going to cherish each and every moment I have with Leo. After Bobby died I said I didn't think I wanted to get any new cats but 4 months later I went to the Humane Society and adopted Jasper and even though he will never take the place of Bobby in mine and my mother's heart he sure does bring us a lot of joy and laughter. Your little cat understands why you had to do what you did and someday you will see each other again. Just try to remember the good times and not dwell on the bad memories. If you want to talk you can e-mail me anytime. I know what you are going through.  

Answer 3

We have a 10 year old cat and I'm terrified when i think she might day next 5 years.I completely understand you-my cat is like part of the family.I love her to death!!And yea i know it's hard babe but it's like losing someone you loved,it's normal to be hard.It will pass....let the pain and then after 1-2 weeks just try to keep yourself busy and slowly it will ease.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for you loss. I can't imagine... I have 2 cats of my own. You did the right thing. Please don't think otherwise.

*hugs*

Answer 5

I've been moved to tears and sincerely wish I could give you a big warm hug!!  I'm so sorry for the loss of your little friend.  Please don't blame yourself...You were there for him and you gave him as much love as you could.  Try to hang onto the fact that he's not suffering anymore.... Think about doing something to honor his memory. Find a photo and get it enlarged.... and set it some place he'd be happy and can watch over you.....

I've read a lot of the responses and the one that really appealed to me was the person who went to a shelter and was surrounded by other animals that are in need of love.  This could help you immensely... There are soooo many abused & neglected animals out there and you can still share your love with them. Please think about that before hurting yourself, please.....

Lots of love being sent your way..... Hang in there.....

Answer 6

You've brought back memories of how I felt when my last cat died.  I completely understand how you feel.

But listen, cats are very good at hiding when they're in pain or feeling bad.  So it's very likely that you DIDN'T miss any symptoms.  So please don't feel bad about that.  Besides that, while I have no idea what happened to him, it sounds like something that wouldn't have symptoms beforehand, like a heart attack or stroke.

And as for the decision you made, I'm sure it was the right one.  You wouldn't have done that lightly and I'm sure that you were right that he was already gone in spirit.

I think it's fantastic that you were able to hold him at the end - that sounds like a wonderful vet!

I think what you're feeling is completely normal.  Even if it's not, so what - it's how you feel and that's that.  Anyone gives you any c**p, send them to me!

As I said, that's how I reacted when Martha died.  Every morning driving to work I'd start crying, and it would come over me out of nowhere at home too.

As for your worry that he might have been saved, talk to your vet again.  It seems obvious that they didn't think he could be or they would have mentioned it at the time.  Vets, even the bad ones, do love animals.  And if they were moneygrubbers, they could have made more money off you with tests and keeping him alive than in humanely letting him go.  So I think you made the right choice.

You're going to feel how you feel for as long as you need to feel it.  But I just wanted to mention a couple of things that helped me.

I put together a photo album/scrap book for Martha.  I dug out all the pics of her that had been mixed in with our other photos and put them in a special book with cute little captions.  Doing this reminded me of the good days.  And sure, it's stained with a lot of tears but they were healing.

I see that you have other kitties.  Hopefully their antics and love will help you through!

You have my extreme sympathies, and I'm sending you a mental bouquet of roses!

EDIT:  And I see no one has mentioned the rainbow bridge.  

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Answer 7

Sorry to hear that...I think you did all the right things, dear. Bein that old he woulda had a misserable life if they coulda saved him. And sometimes with animals, ya just dont know what they're feelin...

Answer 8

Sweetie, you really mustn't blame yourself for not realising he was ill. Animals have to be very ill indeed before they show a symptom. It's a survival thing because a wild animal that looks ill will be targeted by predators. Also, animals live in the here and now so though he may not have felt well, he wouldn't be aware that he was dying.

Have you had him cremated or buried? That might make you feel better. I would get out some pics of him and remember all the good times you had with him, and stop beating yourself up.

If you can bear to read it, Kinky Friedman wrote a very beautiful obituary for his cat, Cuddles. It's online at http://able2know.org/topic/586-1

Answer 9

Poor baby,  Soooo sorry, we've all been through it and it is never easy. It's the same as losing a family member.

As some of the others have said maybe you could save a life through adoption of a new kitten.

My heart was broken a few months ago when my beautiful rag-doll was killed.  Also someone shot my beautiful blue a Siamese who got out by accident. I don't think I will ever ever get over it, but time will help to heal your heart.

  This helped me:  I wrote down everything I loved about my cats nicknames, funny habits, happy memories etc into a little book and each time I would feel sad I'd read it and it bought a smile to my face.  This also helps you not to forget anything about your beloved cat for many years to come.  God bless you sweetie.

Answer 10

First and foremost, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. I have had to make that decision before, and I know what it does to you. No matter the circumstances, there is always lingering "what ifs" in your head.

Allow yourself to grieve the loss, don't listen to anyone who says "it was just a cat". Animals are as much a part of our lives as any person ever could be. So you take all the time you need to grieve, and do it in whatever fashion you need to get it all out. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Sleep if you need to sleep. Just let it run it's course.

Read the poem Rainbow Bridge, it will help you with some closure and peace.

I'm sure your cat felt your presence and knew you were with him. I'm sure he thanks you for that. Too many people say they can't be there when their friend is put to sleep, and leave the task to someone their pet doesn't know. No matter how loving and caring the vets and techs are, it doesn't replace the loving embrace of the owner they knew all their lives. So your kitty knew you loved him and was glad you were with him, believe me.

As for worrying the you didn't know he was sick and the money issue. Cats are very stoic about being sick. They are well known for this. They will act normal for as long as they possibly can, and finally crash right at the end. I do feral cat rescue and I've seen cats walking around with injuries that should have the incapacitated. So he could have hidden his illness from you, and you would have had no way to know he was ill until he suddenly decompensated and became gravely ill. So please do not beat yourself for this. My cat that I put to sleep had multiple medical problems, I took her home from the clinic I worked at when she was 12. A year later I didn't realize she had gotten a tumor in her abdomin (she had a round belly from cushings disease to begin with) and by the time I noticed it, the tumor was so large surgery wasn't an option. I felt horrible about that. She was put to sleep 3 days later. I held her and told her I was sorry.

So don't give yourself unnecessary grief doing the "what if" game. It's pointless and won't get you through your grief any sooner. Instead focus on how many good years you had with him, how much you loved him, and all the special things you shared with him. Find all the pictures you have of him and make a photo collage or scrap book in honor of his life. You will never forget him, he will always be with you.

And about the money issue ... it sounds like he was gone by the time you got him there. I honestly don't think there is more they or you could have done. You made the right choice, you didn't let him suffer and linger on. You allowed him to go in peace. He didn't suffer with a long drawn out illness, his passing was quick. And while you will never know what caused it, at least you know he didn't suffer.

When your grief has lessened, go to a local animal shelter or rescue group and adopt a kitten or adult cat in his honor. If you don't feel ready for that, you can donate money to the shelter in his name. This is a fitting and special way to honor your friend.

I'm sure he would approve.

Many blessings to you and your kitty.

Answer 11

Are you Freaking Serious???    http://petloss.com/

I am SO sorry.  I cried when I read this!  It's normal to miss your cat.  Sometimes, pets "hide" their illness and sometimes they really do get ill suddenly and there is no warning.  It's not your fault.  It was his time.  I know you did the right thing.  Chances are if you would have tried to nurse him back to health, he would have died anyway.  If there was pills or treatments that more money could have bought, would that really have given him a better life?  He'd still be sick and his quality of life may not have been good.  At that point, it's selfish to keep him around.  I've been through this before.  It's not easy, but you need to get a grip.  E-mail me if you want.  Until then, find some solice in this, it's helped me get through it:

http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Answer 12

NEVER kill yourself over a CAT! OK I have had my share of cats and I loved everyone of them! You will be OK. Just remember him in your heart and you will BE FINE!

Hugs to you! It does get better. This I know.

Gosh, you are always such a jokester I'm not really sure what to say! Good Luck!

Answer 13

Oh Jesus honey, I'm so sorry about your kitty.

It's perfectly normal to feel this horrible.  I mean, your kitty is a family member and you need to grieve and mourn.  Is there any way that you could take a day or two off of work?  I did that when my one kitty got hit by a car because I was like you.  Couldn't stop crying, couldn't function, just didn't give a ****.

Just know that as hard and as sucky as it was to make the decision to put him down, you know deep down in your heart that you made the right choice, and even though it hurts like a ***** and you'll always miss him, the pain will recede.  

Don't beat yourself up thinking that he was sick beforehand and you didn't know.  Maybe it was just his time to go to the big scratching post in the sky.  Some times these things happen and personally, I think it sucks ******* *** because it's too painful and sad.

I'm here anytime you want to talk or if you need me to make you laugh, I'm sure I can rustle up some more p**p stories, or perhaps I can bring Uncle Scrotor over to give you a hug.

Answer 14

That's so sad... I feel your pain. I guess, if you can, take a few days off of work and just stay home for a while. And think about how sick he was before he was put to sleep, of how much pain he was in. Think now, that all that pain and suffering, is gone, replaced by peace and happiness. He knows you loved him, and that's what matters. keep some of his toys and stuff around as memories. Don't forget him, but don't worry over him so badly that you end up killing yourself. Maybe try adopting a new cat, so that the hole in your heart won't seem so bad. Good luck.

Answer 15

I'm dealing w/ a similar situation w/ my 12 year old dog.  He's in a lot of pain and I don't have the thousands of dollars it would take to make him feel better.  He has his bad days and his not-so-bad days.  If he had the surgery, it would only prolong the inevitable.

I feel you did the right thing.  I also feel you should go get another cat as fast as you can.  But that's just my opinion.  

Answer 16

buy a baby cat and a sweet on itl help u forget the memories of this one dont worry even  lost my cat and i bought a new one and now i love him sooooo much

Answer 17

I'm so so sorry to hear of your devastating loss. I just want to tell you that you are not alone in how you think at this time. It's perfectly normal, as I felt exactly the same when I lost my darling Jules to kidney failure 7 years ago at the age of 12 years old. For weeks after, I was inconsolable and many of my family and friends didn't, or couldn't, understand my loss and that he was as much a part of my life and love as any human could be.

Just remember this, YOU DID ALL THAT YOU COULD. You noticed that he'd got ill and you wanted to help him, and then realised that it may have been his time and you helped him to move on to a much better place, where his pain and suffering has ended. You LOVE HIM SO MUCH that you sacrificed your own sanity for HIS comfort! HE knows this and is looking over you with ALL the same LOVE as he had and still has for you and one day, this is my belief, that you will see him again over rainbow bridge as he is waiting for you and watching over you, just like my Jules is watching over and waiting for me.

The pain does get less with time, believe me I know, but I have never forgotten him, just like you won't, and instead of pain and bad memories of the the parting, I now smile at all the wonderful times we shared and the small time we all have on this plane is worth that time of sorrow to share a larger joy.

That love and understanding brought me to my present love and life of discovering, living, loving and breeding the wonderful breed of Maine Coon, through Jules, that I later discovered that that is what breed he was. My life is now whole again and it is through Jules that I now have the life I have!

Here is a website that you can put your thoughts, memories and pictures of your irreplaceable fur baby, as testimony to your enduring love (it helped me, so hopefully it could help you!) -

http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/

All my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 18

There is a hole in your heart, I know.  I lost 2 cats in 30 days.  Most horrible!!  Go to the shelter and fill yourself with love again.  I did .  My friends were very much older than yours.  Get Going !!!

Answer 19

I am soooo very sorry, Sweetheart.  I do know the pain you feel and there isn't anything I, as your friend, can say or do to take that pain away.  I am here for you to talk with, cry to and cyber hug whenever you need me.  I wish I could do more.  

Oh, I wish I could hug your neck.  

Sandy  

Answer 20

You cope by remembering what a wonderful life you gave him.

You be thankful you were with him at the very last moment and you believe in your heart that he knew it and was comforted by it.

Answer 21

Think that dead is something normal. Eventually, this would have to happen. If you avoid his suffering, it was the best thing you could have done. To die is not a tragedy, but to suffer certainly is. Time will heal the pain of your loss, of course, and when you are ready, another cat will help you a lot. Think about all those creatures eager to have a home and a loving human. It's life that matters, so please don't surrender to the pain.

Answer 22

Well,  I am sorry for your loss=[    I know what it's like. Sometimes it's best to move on. I know its hard, but maybe when your ready you can get another kitty. Of course it is normal to feel like that. Loss is hard. There is nothing to do when your kitty is sick. Trust me, you made the right choice. No one wants there pet to suffer. You made the right choice, and you cannot have done anything better for your cat. Don't blame it on you, about the money thing and everything. Sometimes it helps to know he died peacefully. Putting your pet to sleep doesn't hurt them. You did all you could do. Don't forget, you made an EXCELLENT choice. RIP to your kitty.

I know you can get through this.

All the best,

Megan

Answer 23

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. It's a shock when this happens.

Don't feel bad about not spotting any signs...cats are very good at not looking sick and these things can just come out of the blue.

You have to have a chance to grieve. You've lost a member of your family. When I had to put down one of my cats I ended up crying my eyes out on the metro going to work and ended up turning around and going home...I couldn't face the world and needed to just have some time. Time is a healer though and when you've had a chance to feel bad you'll start feeling better.

So sit down and have a good cry if that's what you need. Remember how wonderful the cat was and what a great life he had with you. I know it's very hard but things will get better.

Answer 24

My heart breaks for you. The loss of a pet is traumatic. Just feel your feelings and grieve for as long as you need to and eventually you will start to feel better. Also keep sharing your thoughts and feeling with friends and family. And please don't feel guilty for putting your cat to sleep. My sister had to make that decision with her beagle.

Answer 25

I feel so sorry for your loss=( you can always go to a shelter and adopt a kitten or cat ineed of a forever home that will help alot with your sadness

Answer 26

The way you feel is normal... it is called mourning...over the loss of a loved one.

I feel for you.  I have had to have several cats put down and the loss even if the cat was sick for a while is real and hurts.

I have 3 cats now because of this.  I have a 19 yr old and she is a grumpy sweet old lady and will miss her sorely when she dies or I have to have her put down.

You did the right thing... you didn't know what was wrong with him... and he was gravely ill.  Their little bodies really can't take much and you did the kindest thing for him.  

I AM REALLY SORRY YOU LOST YOUR Love.

I would get another friend as soon as possible... (remember this is not a replacement... you can never do that) but it is a new personality which will be interesting and will be a distraction for your grief.

good luck >^..^<

Answer 27

Oh precious, Im sooo sorry to hear that.  You're gonna make me cry, and thats the honest truth.  I lost my cat, who was around that age last year in October.  He was seriously my best friend.  He was there for me, and I know that seems goofy.  I too had to put my baby to sleep.  He had stomach cancer, and it was pretty bad.  He couldnt keep anything down, and he would get sooo sick and just throw up everywhere.  I also was there when they put him to sleep and the saddest thing in the world is when they give you their collar.  Gosh just thinking about it makes my eyes well up with tears.  I miss him everyday, and I got a new kitty, that I love and adore with all my heart, but he will never replace my special Mr. Cat.  That cat had the best personality ever.  

When my cat died, I called into work and went up to the school to reschedule a test because I couldnt stop crying either.  I didnt eat for a whole day or more.  Its really really sad, and I was horribly depressed when that happened.  It was just he and I living in my apartment, and it felt sooo weird to come home and him not be there waiting for me.  I did crazy things like still leaving the TV on when I left my apartment, because I would leave it on animal planet for him.  

Dont feel weird for being so sad.  I felt like an idiot for doting on my cat so much, but really, its ok.  Im sorry to hear that, but at least he isnt hurting anymore.  Hugs and kisses!!!!!!

Answer 28

thats very sad and i understand your pain. but the best thing you can do is go get a new kitten. when you lose something, its best to try and fill its place. you really do need to eat though. don't get yourself sick. your cat  would want the best for you. and don't think that this is your fault.

god lets things happen for a reason. even though you loved and adored that cat, maybe this could have a good outcome, even though it seems impossible right now. i wish you luck, and just remember that you cat is happier now. i hope you get better. :(

Answer 29

You made the right decision.  Now for fixing the pain, only time will help, but maybe a trip to a shelter or pet store may also, help, not saying to get a new one but sometimes playing with animals that are in need of a home with so much love to give can lift your spirits, and who knows, maybe you will find one that you decide you do want to take home, then you can feel good in your heart that you saved a life, and know your precious is resting in peace.

Answer 30

My heart is so completely breaking for you.

I have a house full of strays that I rescued, and a few years ago, I had to make that hard decision to put the oldest one to sleep, too.  It was HORRIBLE.....

I remember going back & forth, wondering if I made the right choice, but the bottom line is that when an animal is suffering, it is almost always best to euthanize him/her to relieve their suffering. :(((((

Seeing an animal sick and suffering is too heartbreaking to bear.

And even if you were the RICHEST person in the world, no amount of money can make a sick pet well again, if it is their time to go.

I am so, so sorry, my sweet girl ............... :))

*BIG GIANT FURRY HUGS*

xoxoxox

Answer 31

I'm so sorry about your cat.  Remember the happy times.   And for what it's worth, I think you made the best decision you possibly could.  You wouldn't have wanted him to suffer. A new cat won't heal the pain, but it could be a welcome diversion.