I lost my dad.. i need some advice =(?

Question

Im 21 years old.. and my dad died on November 1st 2007, almost a year now, time passes so fast, i remember it like it was yesterday, mom came crying into my room at 7am... saying "Somethings wrong with your dad" So i ran to his room first thing i saw was him... with his eyes closed so peaceful :( i tried to move him.. to wake him up... cried and yelledd at him to wake up, to please not leave me... but it was too late, my dad was gone. All my fam was there watching him.. lifeless... mmy lil 8 year old sis.. my 13 year old bro and my 19 year old sis.. and my mother. One of his Heart Arteries Had bursted while he slept at around 4 am.. so he had been dead for some hours, i feel so guilty.. like Maybe if i was up at that time i couldve done something? But i didnt, now i have my mom and lil sis and bro too look after, and its so hard.... every night i wait till there asleep, and sneak in there room just to make sure their breathing, im a bit traumatized still, i dont think i can deal with losing someone so close to me again... just wonder what i can do now to let him go.. and get it in my head that he wont come back and i must live my life alone without a father... =(

Answer 1

I am very sorry to hear about your father passing..

Time.. its going to take time to overcome your  fathers death... Some people grieve longer then others. My mom passed away in 1987 and I still grieve for her today. Dont blame yourself for you fathers passing, you didnt know nor did your mom or any other family member know this would happen to him. Natural causes.. Even if he did make it to the hospital it still could have been too late for him. You cant blame yourself. I blamed myself when my mother passed away because I was out partying with my friends when she called 911 herself bcause she couldnt breath. I blamed myself for not being there when she needed me the most, I blamed myself for our argument we had earlier that afternoon before I left for work. I blamed myself for thinking of only myself and not spending more time with her, but I didnt know that this was going to happen. How could I? My mother showed no signs of being ill or havning any problems earlier that day.. I dont blame myself as much as I use to but I always wonder if I had been there would things turned out better, or would they have been the same. She died of conjestive heart failure.. where the fluids built up in her lungs till she could no longer breath..and I always hate to think of what she went thru or how much she suffered before she passed. The emt that treated my mom... told me he, and he said he didnt say this to be cruel but it was prob best that i wasnt there to see her suffer and and feel helpless, he told me had i seen her suffer or go thru what she did i probably would have been more scarred emotionally then i am today.. I had mixed feelings about what he said.. but in a way i can understand what he ment and why he said it..

Take one day at a time, you have some really great memories of him Im sure. Remember the good times, its hard now tho bc this is still all new to you.. It takes time, time to heal, time to realize hes not comming back, but always remember, hes always watching over you and your family everyday and everything you do.. My mom is my angel and thats what gets me thru each day.. she keeps me safe.. Your dad is your angel now.. always keeping you safe...

Answer 2

I am so sorry. What you need to remember is that he is in a better place with God. There isnt much to say in these situations but to never give up. Your dad would have wanted you to keep on living and being the best you can be. You need to focus on the good memories of him and live your life doing the best you can because in a way you are living the what he missed. Remember that he loved you and comfort your family. It might help to talk to someone more about how your feeling. God Bless :)

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. First of all i would just like to say you are doing the right thing by talking about it, it does help alot,It helped me with my loss.I think you are a very brave and strong young person, and your dad would be so proud of you.I know the night your dad passed away must have been a very traumatic time for you, and its something that you will never be able to forget. Like any death in the family it affects everything and everyone,turning your whole life upside down and inside out, when it happens suddenly you are always left with `what if``s? its a natural way to think and althrough you are finding it hard right now to deal with all the trauma and getting to grips with all the new changes in your life, as even more time passes by you will slowly begin to learn more on how to live with your grief,making your journey through life that little bit easier to cope with. My advice would be not to rush anything, its still early days yet, Everything will sort its self out naturally in time, so try not to worry about anything and let your emotions take its natural course, And remember your dad lives on in you! he will never be to far away.  

All my best wishes for you and your family.

Answer 4

Oh my God im so sorry!

My dad also died very suddenly like that.. almost three years ago(December 18, 2005). They don't know what happened to him, but he was in a coma for 16 days.. Its not your fault that your father passed away, so don't think that! There is nothing you could have done, even if you would have been there. I thought that it was my fault that my dad died, because he was on his way to get me, I yelled at him, he fell into a coma and wrecked the car, all within 10 minutes.. I have finally realized that it's not my fault that my daddy died, it was simply his time to go. Same with your dad, it was his time to go. You will never get over loosing your dad, I don't care what anyone says! Time eases the pain, but it never goes away. You have to let the grieving process run its course, nothing you can do about it. Just know that your dad is happy, and he isn't suffering.. Thats the only thing that gets me through the day sometimes. It will always be hard.. some days, you won't think of him that often, other days it will be all you can think about. The one way I escape everything is by listening to music. Listen to Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz, its a great song, and so true! And I also love listening to the song Daddies Little Girl by Frankie J.. You may want to see a counselor and talk about how you feel about your dads death.. Know that your dad is still watching over you, and he loves you! He will never be coming back, but you will see him again one day. Im so paranoid about everything! When someone goes out, and they are gone for a while, I freak because I worry that they were in a wreck.. I know I couldn't deal with the loss of another person I love.. I may be strong, but I couldn't handle it! I would seriously die! I hope you find closure soon..  Im so sorry for your loss!

You're in my thoughts, everything will get better I promise!

xoxo Jadee♥