I love her but I think it'd be best if I......?

Question

I have custody of my 4 year old granddaughter. However I have two other children(my biological kids)living with me and I'm swamped with work.

My son(not my 4 year old's dad)would really like to adopt her. She gets along great with his kids and I really think it'd be best for her there since my kids still living with me(I have 9 kids in total)are 14 and 18 and they never want to play with her, because they have their own plans.

How do I explain to her that she'll be moving into her uncle's house-for good? I'll still see her and my daughter(her mom)is OK with it. I know this is best because I don't have time for her right now. How do I tell her?

Answer 1

Dont make it perminant at first. Start sending her on weekends, and for visits, make them longer and longer, and then sit her down and ask her if she really likes it there. Then tell  her that she gets to have two homes, keep her bedroom as it is. This way when she comes over to your house shes still comfortable. It adds security instead of making it a permanent thing in her mind. She will be thrilled to have two rooms, and two beds, and so many people that love and want her.

Answer 2

make it exciting. i know it mus tbe heart breaking but tell her how much fun it will be to have other children to play with.

dont emphicize on her leaving....as much as where she is going.

no matter how well of a transition she has im sure she will have a rough time without you for alittle bit.

but you have been busy raising a family for along time. if she is happy and well taken care of, then you deserve a break and some "me time"

Answer 3

If this is what you are going to do, then I think you should get her gradually used to being at her uncle's house for gradually longer and longer periods of time.  Like first, she could spend a day at his house and then spend the night another time.  And then she could spend a couple days with him.  I think that way she would be more comfortable with the idea of living with him when it's time for her to go.  You should probably make sure you visit her very frequently.  And make sure she knows you love her.

Answer 4

Is it possible to make the transition something that is gradual?

Words will be hard for a 4 yr old to comprehend.

But, setting up a process, such as starting with weekends, then 3 day weeks then four and so on.

The most important thing is letting her know that she is loved and wanted.

Letting her know that you are not leaving her, but that things are changing a little...gradually take her things to their house, all at once will be hard for her,

also, I strongly suggest that she get counseling, even if it is brief and play therapy, she will need something consistent and a counselor can be beneficial to her, you and the parents taking her...she may struggle at times and a counselor can offer help.

God Bless

Answer 5

Wow...I feel for you, but I think you have her best interest at heart and my hat is off to you.

How to tell her???  I would just go with 4 year old level and tell her that the best place for her to have children to play with and lots of love and attention is with uncle.  And I would also say that she can see you  or call you whenever she wants to, that way she won't feel left.

Thankfully, children adapt quickly, so if she is going to a place that wil be good for her, while there is still a transition period, she will adjust.

And if he is going to adopt her and offer her stability ( which I am guessing she has not had as either parent seems to be around) and a loving home, then you are doing the right thing.

I am sure it is not easy.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Ask her how she feels about moving, and tell her that you won't be at the house she'll be going to.

It's a touchy subject, but I deal with kids a lot and have to work with telling them things they don't want to hear, my most frequent being "no." [[ha ha]]

ANYWAY, just sit down with her one day, and nobody else and let her know what's going to happen, then ask her how she feels about it and if she thinks it would be fun!

Good luck, I hope she takes it well.

Answer 7

Wow that's tough. I would take your time with the transition. Have her stay the night there 2 times the first week, then 3, and maybe work your way into it as she gets more comfortable. But be honest with her when the time comes, and make sure you let her know that you love her and will be there for her anytime, no matter what. Good luck.

ALSO, it may help if you could stay there with her for the first night or two. I know it would be hard because you have your kids at home, but it may make it easier for her.