I love him, he can't stand my son's whining and tantrums.?

Question

We have known each other for almost 5 years now. When we first met we dated for a short time and he told me he was starting to fall in love with me. Well my response was to run and never look back. I had already been hurt so many times I wasn't ready for the chance again. I got into a bad 4 year relationship had a beautiful little boy and then broke up with the a*****e! And in that same week I had my breakup this other guy came back into my life. We picked up right where we left off, the feelings that I had 4 years ago came right back. I never forgot about him. I have always felt like he is the one. But now we are going through some hard times with money and yes I will admit it my son is a little spoiled. I was basically a single parent working and going to school so I let him have the run of the house so I could get the things I needed to do done. Not the best choice but I didn't know what to do and didn't want to ask for help. Now my son has this problem with whining all the time when he doesn't get his way and my bf can't stand it. I have been working hard on not giving in and he gets timeout for his fits. I can see the change but my bf has no Patience at all. My bf told me the other day that he wished I never had my son. That he just can't stand him. I told him that I loved them both and my kids will always come first. I think part of the problem was he was not working for a couple weeks and that was what was bothering him. He back to work now and he doesn't seem so short tempered. How can I get my son to stop all the whining and temper tantrums?

Answer 1

You need to dump the guy who says he wishes you never had your son! What kind of person says that? And why would you tolerate it?! Why would you want to be with someone who admittedly doesn't like the person who should be most important to you in this world (your son) to the point that he wishes he didn't exist???

You need to focus on your son and your parenting skills right now. Get that fixed and then you can worry about bringing a man into your life.  

Answer 2

You have a few "problems", but nothing that cannot be resolved. First, your bf.....you had better find out immediately if his comment about your son is how he honestly feels, if it is, then he needs to GO. No child deserves to be growing up with someone who doesn't LOVE him and presenting a positive Role Model. Second, I suggest that whatever happens between you and your current boy friend, that you think Hard and Long before ever allowing another man to play house with you and your son. You are sending him all the wrong messages, do you honestly want your son to grow up thinking it is acceptable for a man to enter and leave a relationship as often as you change your underwear?, that men/fathers do not love their children unconditionally, and that women are merely objects for s*x, living with for awhile and then leaving when things get a bit rough? You brought that child into this world and by doing so, you put that child at the TOP of your Priority List (above you and men). This leads to another problem, you have neglected your child and hence the problems seen by you and your bf, you need to set boundaries and structure. His tantrums, whining are his way of telling you he needs attention, discipline and structure in his life. The child needs to know you are his Mother and in charge, you should immediately begin setting down the Rules to your house so he knows exactly what is expected and what he can and cannot do. Set a bedtime, 7:30 is plenty late enough for a child his age, do not vary it unless it is a Real Emergency, make up a list of chores, he is more than capable of making his bed, helping with setting the table and clearing it, dressing himself and cleaning his room. Whining and tantrums are not appropriate and will result in a 5 minute time out. Remember though that Good Behavior is to be rewarded, put up some type of a visual aid that shows him if he has done Good or Bad, that after 5 Good things he will get a special reward. You must spend time with him and him alone, a child needs attention, to be played with and constantly reassured they are Loved. If you follow even these few suggestions and not cave in, you will see a difference within a week at most. You had better get your current bf on the same page so you are both presenting a Unified Front, and if the bf is not willing to accept his role then it is time for him to go. Sorry for being blunt, but that child deserves better and you know it.

Answer 3

First of all you have to decide who is more important in your life, this guy who has been in and out of your life and who wishes you had never had your precious on or that child you gave birth to.  From where I'm sitting it looks as if this man means more to you than your child and that you put this man ahead of everything (including your son) in your life.  At 5 your son does need discipline he needs rules and boundaries but not at the urging of this man.  You should be concerned for your son's behavior whether this man is in your life or not.  You admit to allowing your son to get away with everything and that is going to make this job a lot harder.  I suggest implementing time outs for physical things and when he whines or throws a tantrum walk away.  He does these things to get your attention and if you walk away and ignore him there will be no reason for him to do them.  I also suggest you begin accentuating his positive behaviors.  When he behaves, praise him let him know how proud of him you are.  Give him positive attention rather than the negative.  Also enforce privileges that he has to earn.  If he likes to watch television or play video games or play on the computer limit his access and if he behaves for an entire day give him an hour or two to enjoy them.  If he doesn't behave he doesn't earn the privlige of his choice.  This puts his behavior on his shoulders and makes him responsible for his actions...and he will appreciate what he earns much more than something handed to him whenever he wants.  As for this man.  Tell him that if he doesn't like being around your son he can always hit the bricks.  Do not make holding on to a man the reason to discipline your son.  The well being of your son should be the reason to discipline him.  

Answer 4

If you dont believe in spanking thank send him to his room you had better get a handle on these tantrums.  My kids were sent to their room and I would tell they could come out when they could behave themselves and if not they got a swat on the butt.   I dont blame him that would drive me crazy. I also would reward them with good behavior like going to the park going to mcdonalds going to chuckie cheese going to the zoo going swimming.  

Answer 5

smack him over the ash.

Answer 6

sorry, but you need to ditch the guy.....your Son is the important one........ just give him heaps of love, he probably misses his Daddy also,

your BF is a creep moaning about a little child.........he may hurt him.......saying he wishes you never had him, DUMP HIM!!

Answer 7

Your significant other needs to understand that if he wants to be back in your life that he has to put up with your son because he is now part of your life. If he can't get this idea into his tough little head the only choice will be to leave him, hopefully this won't come to this though.

Answer 8

you need to decide who you love more...the guy or your own child...im saying u need to send this guy off. hes not worth it. instead of wasting time on a guy spend more time to become a better parent.  

Answer 9

This isn't going to be easy. Your boyfriend need to have some patience, and your son needs to have some discipline. Ofcourse, the only mature person out of them both is your boyfriend. You need to sit him down and explain to him that you are trying to get ahold of your son and solving his whining problem and that you need your boyfriend to have some patience if any of this is going to work. If he truely loves you he will have patience. If he doesn't even consider it and tells you that he wishes you never had a child, then how can he be capable of being a father? You need to re-consider your choices.

Patience however, doesn't mean you have some time off. You need to discipline your son quickly and effectivly. Your son has probably found that by whining he always gets what he wants, so he keeps doing it, he begins to cry, yell, and what not until you give him what he wants. This can sometimes lead to aggression. What you need to do is teach him that by whining and throwing tantrums, he is NEVER going to get what he wants, and never ever give it to him. Let him yell, scream at the top of his voice, it doesnt matter, do not give him what he wants.

Instead, teach him, that he needs to be polite, have a sensible reason for getting what he wants and if its a treat, make him do something good and then reward him for it by giving him the object he wants. Instead of him doing something bad (tantrums) and you giving him his reward (his objective, the item he wants).

Also, if he does things that get out of hand, like breaking things, swearing, etc... you need to punish him. Make him sit on "the naughty chair" or in the "corner of isolation" for 5 minutes. Then when the times up, ask him - "do you know why i put you in the naughty chair?" - if he knows, tell him that its a bad thing and give him a reason why its bad, then tell him what he should have done instead. if he doesnt know - explain to him what he done, and why its a bad thing, and what he should do instead.

He wont go from devil to angel in a night, this takes time, and time is what you need to give it. You need to be strict on your discipline however, if you ever want an effective result.

As for your boyfriend, he needs to have patience, until you get things under control. Think about whether or not he truly loves you.

Hope i helped :)

Good luck

Answer 10

Hey lady. Someone says they wish you never had a kid.. its time to run again. He has shown he has NO maturity to be a father.

End it. Now.

Answer 11

Of course you love your kids.  Every good mother has a very special spot in her heart for her children; however when one of the children clearly poses a problem then the problem must be addressed as soon as possible. Remember, the problem usually doesn't get better with age.  It often gets worse.  I would take your son to a competent psychologist or similar type of person who could talk to your son and hopefully work out the tantrums. Whining and tantrums can be worked out but it takes major effort.  I urge you to look for a either a doctor or a special therapist who handles such situations and do something about it.  You will surely loose your boy friend if you don't try.

Answer 12

send the kid to reform school or live with a nasty person for a while. When the lil snot comes back it will be more appreciative

Answer 13

Listen>>>first off let me congratulate you on owning up to that your the problem why your son is whining all the time. Thats the problem today with most kids. They really are very spoiled. Parents keep giving in all the time to what ever their kid wants And it continues into when they turn into an adult. I see it every day. Parents paying for their kids cell phone bills and their car insurance bills and anything else they need, while the kid is working?? These kids aren't going to know how to take care of themselves wjhen they reach adulthood. It's really sad.. This has never made sense to me, BUT>>>>>>>  Now that you know what you've done, you need to be CONSISTANT with not giving in when you say NO!!!!!!  I know thats hard to do, but in the long run believe me it will be better for him. I can't say I blame your boyfriend for being edgy watching how whiny he is>>BUT>>>he should have NEVER said that he wishes your son was never born. Or that he wishes you never had him?? That was very low down. I would have been VERY UPSET with that comment. And I think you need to sit this guy down and let him know you WON'T allow him to say things like that of your son AGAIN!!!!!  Maybe it was because he was stressed out from not working, but you need to nip that kind of behavior in the bud NOW!!!  I'm the type of mother who feels like NO ONE comes before my kids, and expecially a BOYFRIEND?????   PLEASE>>.don't wast time on this. He needs to know he can't make statements like that ever again or he won't be around!!!!  Your son is a kid. An innocent kid. Just continue to set guide lines for your child though because if you don't, you'll be dealing with his spoiled attitude for years to come. GOOD LUCK

Answer 14

The two of you are a package deal. Accept the package or bye bye.

Answer 15

get over it

Answer 16

Your boyfriend should NOT be living with you, for several reasons. Tell him to move out temporarily. Then, talk to a child psychologist about this whole situation. You need help to handle your son, and to make a decision about this relationship.

Work on the problems you're having with your son. It sounds like you do need to be consistent and let him know clearly what the rules are. Time out is good. But he is only five! And, if the boyfriend is impatient with him now, it will only be worse when he's older, unless they can form a bond. If you feel your son has improved, bring the boyfriend back for VISITS. See how that is. If you're SURE they're doing a lot better, then marry the boyfriend. DO NOT bring him back into the house without marriage. He must commit to making a family.

If the boyfriend still can't deal well with your son, that's a deal breaker. You must let him go. If you really mean that your son is first, you MUST do this. You cannot abandon him to a life with a "short-tempered" step-father who doesn't like him. No man is worth hurting your son.

Answer 17

If your bf is going to stay in a relationship with you, he needs to learn patience and to control his temper. Your son needs consistent, firm structure. It will be hard for you to break him of the whining but not impossible, you just have to dig your heels in and back up your words with actions. And do not let him have his way, no matter how hard it is. Give him activities to do to keep him busy, I really think you need to spend more time with your son, you said so yourself that you were busy working and going to school. Try to find fun things to do that can include the three of you, this may help tp forge a better bond between your son and bf.