My wife tells me she loves me. A lot of her friends are attracted to me. She thrives on this fact though she thinks it is stupid that a lot of women likes me. She says that they should be happy with their own husbands. But when I try to be romantic with her, she brushes me off. She says that she's just not the romantic/touchy-feely type. Then, since we had our first child last year, we have only had s*x sparingly and have not had s*x the entire summer. She claims that she wants to and even has dreams about it. But there is always an excuse when I bring it up or try to do something romantic. When we were dating, we made love all the time. Don't get me wrong, I am not a person who believes s*x is the only predicate for marriage. But it's a part of it. She told me that she's never been that big on s*x even though she insinuated that she it a lot in the beginning to sort of "woo" me.
Now, while a lot of women flirt with me, I do not get caught up in actually having feelings for them. But this one young lady has caught my eye. The first time I saw her, it was like love at first sight for the both of us (the young lady and I have discussed it). Since then, we have grown closer. We have not cheated with each other and would not even consider it though we both acknowledge that we have fallen in love with each other. We have been out to lunch once but our spouses know about it. It has been two years since we felt this "love-at-first-sight" and 18 months since we both acknowledged it to each other. We really want to be with each other but it's complicated by the fact that I am not desiring to just walk out on my wife and daughter. Her husband seems to see her only as a trophy and she would leave him tomorrow if I said that I was leaving my wife. The irony is that her husband and my wife are just alike in their backgrounds, behaviors and beliefs. They both tend to be judgmental and overbearing. They both can be smug and love making negative comments about people. They both love nature and the great outdoors. They ALWAYS agree and see the world the same though they have both tried to mitigate these facts lately since it is obvious they would make a great couple. Likewise, this young lady and I have similar backgrounds, beliefs, and behavior. My wife says she knows that the young lady and I have a connection but she says it almost as a way of mocking the situation. Don't get me wrong. I know my wife loves me. She shows it interesting ways. She will do things that I know I would be hardpressed to find another person do. Some people say she does it not out of love but in order to keep me. That said, my wife and I are different and have different takes on life. And sometimes, I just wonder if she's with me because as she says, "you're a great catch." I just do not know what to do. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER TO DEATH!!!!!!!! I think my wife wanted the child more to keep me though I would not trade my daughter for anything in the world. She says that you have to be in a child's life. I want to be there for my child. Heck, I want my child to be with me. I take care of her everyday. I work from home and keep her at home with me. But I know that I love this woman. I have never been the type of man who leaves a person or cheats on her. I did not turn to this young lady because of my wife and any issues we have. It was just LOVE. But the fact that my situation with my wife is not always at its best only makes not being with this young lady harder since I am trying to do the right thing not really knowing what the right thing is. I just don't know. I do know that it's hard to just walk out on someone and I work hard not to do it. It's not cowardice but loyalty. So, this situation is complicated. I thought the situation would get better when the young lady and her husband moved away from the state. But they still own a house here and get her frequently. That has only made matters worse. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder!!! My wife and I both saw the young lady I am in love with tonight (she was in town) and it's like, you could just see the connection between us. She could not even look at my wife because she was enthralled with me. And I with her. And it's like, we share this love but I do not know if it is right to leave. I take serious my vows. I remember right before I got married not wanting to do it becuase I had seen some things from my wife that concerned me. But she had been walked out on beffore and I did not want to hurt his feelings. Now it's my feelings being hurt. It's so heartbreaking. I guess this is just my fate.
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