I love to love you~...Do you like?

Question

When i see you

i see the object

of all love i can love-

unconditional,infinite,

true and pure.

When I strain my ears

in the quiet alleys under water

leading into the decks

of a wrecked ship

I could hear you

whisper to the ears

of sea foams

asking them to sway

into a silver loom

that mends their silken sails;

sets them back

to the ocean tops.

and I wake

my tearful eyes to

diamond treasures

they leave behind;

I smile again

like you always want

And I think

of all fond memories

of that moment

when we first met

when i became a woman

without even knowing

that i have found

one precious find

-joy

I wonder to myself:

shall I lock you

in my tresses

and call you

my heart beat

because with your

pulsating rythms

I'm eternal;

but so are you:

rekindling

your flames

everytime i rejoice

............................

Answer 1

Very lovely. I get a little tripped up at the end of the third strophe..."that I found / one precious find / --joy"...not sure about the syntax of that... but I believe a closer look at punctuation across those lines could help.

It could use a better title. Something that is a little more fluid, like the rest of the language of the poem. "Call you my heartbeat" is very resonant...that would work as a title.

Answer 2

holy c**p!!!!!

thats the most beautiful

amazing

well written poem ive ever read

dont stop

I want to read more :D