I made a big deal out of my in-law's house being a mess, now I feel I have to keep mine extremely clean?

Question

I was living with my in-laws, husband, and I just had a baby. They were absolute pigs, so bad that my baby hasn't been to their house since Easter. She can crawl now and I guess that's why they haven't had us over, their house is unfit. Now I feel like I need to have my house very clean for when they visit so they know that I'm not a hypocrite. I didn't mean to offend them about their house, but while I was living there I was struggling to clean their house for them. They are all girls, ages 8,9,16 and 38. My husband and I were 19 at the time. He helped me clean more than they did. I just felt very angry and frustrated that I had a newborn baby that I was living with in a dirty unfit house.

Now I'm a bit paranoid that someone might think I'm dirty like them, so whenever we have company, the house has to be clean. I get so scared that when my daughter puts finger prints on the t.v. or windows that someone will think I'm gross like them... even if it's they who are coming over. My baby is 9 months old by the way, and very messy.

So how can I over come this fear of being seen as a messy person?

Answer 1

Overcome it by realizing that it's normal that your baby is messy and others will view it the same way.  

Since you do keep your place clean, then it's probably not that messy from the baby.  I'm sure it's not as messy as it seems your in-laws keep their place.

Answer 2

I think you are doing the best you can to keep a clean house, and people that are visiting you know you have a small child so they should expect a few messes here and there around the house and if they don't realize that I think that's rude. And "messy" isn't "dirty", there's a difference. I guess I don't really know what you can do to get over it, though. When my baby was born I felt really bad when we went to visit my in-laws because they had dogs that used the living room carpet as a bathroom and my mother-in-law would just dab it with paper towel and that was it, and when you walked on the carpet it was so sticky, so I never let the baby off my lap. I felt like they thought I was a horribly rude person, though I never had the guts to tell her that her house was too gross to let the baby down. I guess she kinda knew, though. But I still feel bad because I don't keep the cleanest house, either, but it's nothing like that was.

Answer 3

Wow. You're mooching off your inlaws, and you had the audacity to criticize the cleanliness of the house where they allowed you and your baby to live for free? How can you not offend when you look a gift horse in the mouth?

If I were your mother-in-law, you'd have some serious and heartfelt apologizing to do. I would probably remain displeased with you for quite a while, even though you apologized, because you've behaved very badly.

You are right to be paranoid about the cleanliness of your own home when any member of that family visits.

However, friends and other family will understand fingerprints. Try to keep the living room and bathroom decent for company, and do what you can in the kitchen daily.

In the end, a clean house is not what you want to be known for, really. Your little girl won't look back at her childhood with fond memories of you with a Swiffer and her spotless home.

Edit: I could not possibly have known you lived there in exchange for your husband's contracting services, since you didn't say that. I could not know that you paid a portion of the bills, bought your own food, did all the cooking, and babysat nightly. I can't read what isn't there. You provided only the information that you and your young family lived with your in-laws in their dirty house, and that you couldn't clean up after everyone.

But don't you think it's unwise to threaten to remove people who respond based on what information you provide? Welcome to the wonderful world of Ignore.

Answer 4

Well... just keep your house as clean as you think it should be. I'd say do a full cleaning about evey other week (dusting, vacuum, cleaning the bathrooms, etc.). If you feel you need to, clean extra when ever your in-laws come over. If you're struggling with keeping your baby out of trouble you might want to consider a portable play-pin. That way you can take her around the house with you and make sure that she's not messing anything up. Do this once when necessary though, don't make her feel like a caged animal. Good Luck!!