I married an Egyptian man and my questions are endless...

Question

I'm an Asian married to an Egyptian man. Why is his views so stereotype and he would always refere to his mother of sister when it comes to things about the house or how o cook or ake care of the baby. He will always say "my sister does it like this and my mother is nto dong that blah blah blah". he always thinks he is right and he is so particular about how I dress even if i dress modestly. He gets mad when I say that he is wrong. He will never accept my opinion. He is very rude and will always be dicriminating of other nationalities even my own! Don;t get me wrong, he is not always that bad but when he is in a bad mood, you would totally hate him. Why is his mind so different from all the others... Is it really an Egyptian mentality to act like a king in their house? Is it an Egyptian attitude to make the women do everything in the house while he sits and watches TV after both of us came from work and I had to take care of the baby and cook dinner (not to mention the laundry. Are they really that thrifty (kanjus) when it comes to spending money (even on basic necessities)..

OR IS IT JUST MY HUSBAND?

Answer 1

I agree with 7ala, many Egyptian men expect to be served at home, very few of them who really give a hand in house work.

Answer 2

it would upset him if he knew what you say here .

he was brought up like this , and he enjoys it .

dont talk him out of his habits , just appeal to his generosity when you need help.

call out his name nicely , and ask him genly to do someting bec you are overwhelmed with housework.

he may /may not help, do not give up , try again later  but not every day !

he likes his old background and feels comfortable with it .

dont force him out of it , but show him something different smoothly .

i know you love him and he loves you .

do what your heart dictates to you , and he will respond in sha allah.

Answer 3

It is his character. Talk to him and tell him you do not like it that way. He must appreciate your view.

Answer 4

Two short points:

a) It's more about his character than his culture.

b) No matter what's it all about, you need to have divorce as soon as possible.

Answer 5

okay now that i read your updated things you said it makes more sence..just try to help out now an then and talk to him and tell him you would appreciate it if he helps out a little being that you are pregnant now he should help out even if hes egyptian or w.e.any husband should help there wife a little and if shes pregnant then he should really help her out more.i mean come on a girl is pregnant she shouldn't do all the things by her self.

but if hes reffuring you to his sister and mom i guess hes just trying to get you to be close to them and them help you out a little and if they do allot of chores he may try to get you to see how his culture is and get you to get used to it a little.

Answer 6

look dear you can tell him he is wrong in may ways but may be the way you use with him is wrong i mean its all about the way if he is angry just don't talk don't answer him every word he say cause it will turn to fight but after u both feel better just fix a couple glass of tea and talk believe me he will talk with you and don't tell him you were wrong but tell him the way you use hurt me so please if you can don't use it much don't tell him stop that rude way do you got the differences between the both way

its all about ways  

Answer 7

Hello my sweet girl,

I am an Egyptian man, I don't see that race has anything to do with this question.

I was widowed a year ago by my beautiful English Princess, commonly known here as EGYPTIAN PRINCESS!

We knew each other for five years before we wed, we discussed our differences, i.e. religion, culture etc., we faced lots of prejudice from those around but our love & respect for each other helped us through a long happy life together. Everything we did was divided, oh i was the laughing stock for a while because I would wash the dishes or polish the furniture, generally help in any way i could. I did all this out of love & respect for my wife. Point out to your husband that you love & respect him & would think no less of him for helping around the home, he is your knight in shining armour, your prince, but you do not want to be treated like Cinderella, you are his Princess,

You mentioned you entered into this marriage for the sake of your unborn child. Where was the love?  You say you were forced to marry this man, who forced you to commit such an act? Who forced you to commit the act that made you marry in haste? "You reap what you sow", being of a liberated culture you will understand exactly what that means.

I do not condone your husbands behaviour, have you ever thought, he too could be feeling trapped in a marriage that he also felt he was forced into.

I advise you to ask someone to take care of your child one evening,(the sooner the better) whilst you plan a special meal for your husband & yourself so that you can discuss all your anxieties, explain to him how you have explained here exactly how you feel towards him, maybe there are things about your behaviour that he cannot tolerate, you must clear the air with each other in order to continue a future together! If he consents to meet you part way that will be better than the life you are leading now & a step in the right direction. EnshAllah!

Answer 8

Well he is a mean guy then...

Answer 9

Egyptian Men are the best on the earth :):)

Answer 10

he was brought up with this type of thinking as probably most middle eastern men are.Sit him down and have a chat with him and tell him to agree on a compromise ....remind him it is ,after all, the year 2008

Answer 11

The easy answer to this is = YES (sorry guys).

But surely they do mellow in time. Mine was just like that & sometimes still is. I think its the culture, as he's gotten better since we moved to England. He grew up as a prince, only having to click his fingers & tea would arrive via his mum.

Will get back to write more..............sorry, had washing to see to.

Its not Egyptian mentality as such, but as the eldest son, he grew up being waited on hand & foot, then came the nasty English wife lol,  who makes him DO something around the flat. Its hard for him to adjust to the change, i see that & i love him to bits, but boy do i get mad. I work full time too, then run round him. What does he do ? He gets home from work & sleeps till his food is ready, then lets me wash up as well.

My friends say to me " well you must have known, marrying someone from that kind of culture", but it takes some getting used to.

Be assured, he will mellow in time, just dont push him, patiently give him ideas & let him make up his own mind. He will come to think of the ideas as his own, & things will be easier.

Mine now hoovers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha.

@ My hubby also refuses to accept when he's wrong, & he'll turn it round so i get the blame. Mostly i just let it go, for peace, but i am older & more world wise, & i cant let some things go.

@ I just wanted to add, there are European men who have the same attitude, who never help out, they sit around, or go to the pub (at least our Egyptian men wont go out & get drunk all the time), talk about women's work, & expect you to wait on them.

I know who i'd rather have.

@ lol, watch those thumbs down, hit a nerve or something ?

Answer 12

Egyptians men are always like this, and i still see it's fault you didn't figure this out before marriage, now you have a commitment toward your husband, live with it.

Answer 13

well now i get the whole picture, im affraid to say it but looks like you are being punished for your action. soemtimes thigns we do have a nasty way of biting us on the ***

i mean teh relationship was not halal in the place, so therefore its only expected to end up like this. those who do things halal always get rewrded by allah and always work things out. i suppose its teh way life is.

divource is an option you know. dont stay with a man becuase of a baby even in islam but saying this allah hates divource and its not encouraged as tehy do in teh west merely for teh fact as it has repracutions... family life, and even in afetr life.

those with higher iman stay with partners for sake of allah, and thats the best reason to do anything in life, for sake of allah.

Answer 14

in his culture it is important to have respect in a marriage.. coming onto yahoo answers and speaking badly about your husband is not a nice thing to do.. im sure he would feel hurt if he knew how you really felt about him.. people are individuals.. countrys dont make people who they are but if hes used to things being done in a certain way then he probably doesnt mean to be so hard on you... you should try to understand him..  

Answer 15

I agree with Rodii & Jabeer 100%.

Also, there are men from other countries who have the same "machismo" way (men are the masters).  My brothers & cousins have the same mentality and they're not Egyptian/arab.  However, they still treat their wives very good.

Since you do not come from this background, you must find a way to understand his culture.  You can try to talk to him and see if you can compromise but good luck with this.

Edit: WOW... I THINK WE'VE HIT A RECORD OF THUMBS DOWN IN THIS QUESTION...  I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MANY THUMBS DOWN.

Answer 16

mmm why did you ACCEPT to MARRY him ??!!!!

when you choose someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least be SURE you will accept all his reactions.. or at least know him well before marrige..

after all most Egyptian men are the same in mentality and always think that they  are the masters..

some of them apperciate what u r doing

some just dont..

wait till the atmosphere is clear and try to talk to him, maybe he will listen and try to treat you more kindly..