I met a lovely muslim man 3 months ago?

Question

i have met with him twice, and we talk on the telephone and send text messages everyday. He is in the middle of studying a PhD.so he has to give a .great deal of time to his work. however, on our last telephone call, when he was visiting his parents in saudi, he got really upset and asked me to promise i wouldnt leave him. now hes back, and hes busy,. He wont tell his brothers who are here in the uk about us yet. he says, he has already failed and had to redo a portion of his phd, and if he fails, or has problems, he said he doesnt want his family to blame me. his friends know about us., but it feels horrid that hes sort of hiding me from his brothers. He is divorced, and his ex lives in another country. He asked me 4 times yesterday if i will accept him, and have no other man besides him, and he says i love you all the time. Im confused cos this is the start of the relationship, and everything is uncertain. I dont like being asecret, and i feel bad that he has gone from saying i want to be there with u everyday, to......i have so much work, can i see u every week. shall i dump him ?

Answer 1

Be careful.  There are some red flags already.  I was married to a Muslim man for 6 years and to put it simply, it was not easy.  I am not saying because he was Muslim, but he did apply it to life and our children.  Unless you are willing to convert, I would say move on.

Answer 2

Only you can make that choice. I just sense that if you pursue with a relationship you will forever be treading on eggshells.

Answer 3

if he wanted to be with you he should commit evena portion of his tume for you to feel his love...actions speaks louder than words...it is not enough to say that he loves you he must prove that to you...if he truly loves you he would not make his studies or wathever as an excuse...if he wants you badly he should make you feel he does.....saying i love you is not enough....if you are uncertain then don't pursue with that relationship...you will eventually suffer in the end  

Answer 4

I am Muslim and Arab, and while i have had nothing but the best experiences with other Arab and Muslim guys, there is one thing to be aware of. Middle Eastern men care about what their families think VERY much and their families are a HUGE priority to them, ESP Saudi men. If he is already acting like this, then you need to be ready to face the fact that if his family does not like you or accept you, there is a huge possibility that he will not stand up to them and defend you.

You need to stand your ground from now. You need to make it clear that you will not be messed with and that you have certain needs that MUST be met. If he cannot SHOW you that he will make you a priority (words mean NOTHING) then yes i think you should dump him.

Answer 5

it depends on how much you like him.  

it sounds like you are already thinking about dumping him.  maybe tell him you think that the relationship should be more casual/friends-y until his life has settled so that he can tell his family about you.  and then just see each other once a week until he gets his phd. an added bonus to this is that if he really wants to be with you he will get his phd faster! :)

Answer 6

Well I am Muslim, but not an Arab ! But I used to work in Saudi Arabia, so well aware of that culture, especially men. One thing he will probably never do for you, is to stand up for you against his family, if there was a need. He may be very true in his feeling when he says he loves you !!

But love usually has a very different meaning for different men, especially men fro such a background. He would not leave his family and his country for anything, and that would include you also ! regardless of how much he loves you. You are a western woman, and more liberal in your views and ideas. He can never be like you. Even common sense should tell you that also.

Also, for men from such backgrounds, love and understanding doesn't have to be for months or years before they decide about a relationship !

Its a western thing ! He may be right when he says that he wants a relationship.

However, reading what you have written, it seems a better option to either just stay friends with him and don't make it a personal deal or tell him you are not interested.

Even if you do marry him, sooner or later he will force you to change your religion, whether or not you like it, especially if you happen to have children and daughters !

Too complicated, to say the least !!