I met someone last year and became friends. We liked each other and it was completely platonic. What is this?

Question

We were friends (both g*y) for five months and I fell in love and we argued and we are never going to speak again.

For the purpose of this question please take it as a fact: we can't and won't talk to each other again.

I am 40 and haven't been able to get this person out of my mind for over a year.

I spent a few thousand dollars on therapy and it hasn't worked.

I am about to rent out my condo/flat to fly to Asia for several months to travel to get away from town and to try and forget him.

I believe this was the most astonishing random *hit* of love that sometimes hits you like a bullet from the blue and yet some decry it as simply 'infatuation' or 'obsession'

To me it doesn't feel like something as glib as a 'disorder' and I certainlyhave had no history of falling for people - ever - and I am 40.

The last person I fell for happened 20 years ago.

My question is: this has to have been love even though nothing happened.

It has been like electricity.

Answer 1

Well I know exactly what you mean. I've experienced the very same thing with someone but the way life is, we could never allow anything to go further for us.

Being the person you are, I know this because I'm the same type of person, you are loyal, loving, and when you feel something, you feel it with all of your being.

You're probably not the type to have flings or lots of meaningless relationships. That is why this has meant so much to you. Your mind has formed a criteria (maybe subconsciously) of all the things you find attractive in a person... and there's probably a good dose of chemistry as well. When you meet someone who ticks all of the boxes on your subconscious list you respond emotionally to that. By the sounds of it, there are few people who tick all of those boxes for you.

This person will always have a special place in your heart, but that doesn't mean you have a future together.

For me, I have a sort of special room in my heart for the one or two people in my life that have affected me this way, and I sometimes open the door to that room and reflect back and enjoy the memories. But that room is not my whole heart or brain. I have learned to move on and preoccupy my mind with new, fresh and interesting things/thoughts.

At first, it's a daily/hourly process, but as time goes on you get used to learning to divert your thoughts and find other things to do or think about. Reserve thoughts of that person for times when you just need a boost.

Hope that helps and that trip to Asia will help.

Take care!!

Answer 2

"My question is: this has to have been love even though nothing happened"

In what way is this a question?  It looks like a statement to me, Sweetie.

Answer 3

I'm not entirely sure what the question is, but it's really unhealthy to set your heart on someone who just isn't interested in you.  You'll just make yourself miserable and drive him away.

I used to be friends with a g*y woman, very overweight and unattractive, who always, without fail, fell for remarkably beautiful straight women with whom she never had a chance.  After following them around for weeks or even months begging them to love her in return,  they would get thoroughly annoyed and in some cases scared.  They'd cut off contact with her and she'd then sob to her friends about how horrible these beautiful women were, and how they'd "led her on".

Please note that she is no longer my friend.  There are reasons for that.

Try focusing on someone who reciprocates your feelings.  If you continue to focus on this guy, you'll just be tormenting yourself.

Edit:  I was not suggesting that you were unattractive in general, but clearly you're not attractive to him.

I think perhaps YOU missed the point.  The point of this site is to post questions and answers to questions, not to indulge in poetic ramblings about your love life or lack thereof.

You apparently have no question.

By the way, I am NOT your "sweetie".  Please don't patronise me.