I might go insane from death?

Question

My very close aunt just died, like a best friend aunt. if you want details go to google and search Chandra Lee wilkins strangled. she died last monday, and her kids are living with my family now.

but heres the deal I'm 14. and I'm afraid I might go insane, when my parents told me she died i cried the whole day. Then when night came around i kept saying nope like nope she didnt die.

the next day i cried a little, then cried myself to sleep.

the next day i stayed over my uncles with my little brother and cryed myself to sleep.

then after that when i went home write before i went to bed, i wrote 2 poems and a song about my aunt chan. then cried myself to sleep in the hallway.

then when i woke up i got ready for her viewing, i went and cried a little then, i started bargaing in my head, like i would eat 10 grasshoppers to bring her back. then i cried myself to sleep

then it was her funeral, i tried not to cry, but i did. i kept bargaining.

when i got home i got extremly angry, when i thought i couldn't go to the mall, i threw pop cans and stuff. then cried myself to sleep again.

when i woke up i played with my cousins and walked to my other cousins house. Thats when i just figured the funeral was a dream even though i KNOW it wasn't. Then i figured this whole thing was a dream and i was gonna wake up and warn my aunt chan. I still think that. i got homesick too which is rly weird. i didnt cry at all tht nite.

when i woke up it was officially a week since she passed and i still thought that she wasn't rly dead.

then i woke up today and thought everything that happened was a dream.

and i know she died but i just CANT believe it or get it through my head i still feel like i can warn her or go back in time. then i feel like the funeral wasn't real. what should i do?

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear about your aunt - I just read about her on the net.

The way you are feeling is normal considering the tragic circumstances of her death and the only way to deal with it is to work through your feelings and talk about them with someone trusted. Perhaps your school counsellor can help if your parents are too upset themselves.

I understand how you feel because I was much more affected when my aunt died in a horrific BBQ accident than when my dad died of natural causes although I was closer to him. I dreamt of my aunt for 2-3 years afterwards in which she came back and talked to me burnt and scarred.. I think this was my way of coming to terms with her death.

A lot of what you feel is shock at the untimely and appalling manner of her death, because she was cheated of life and you of her. had she been ill and died youwould nt have felt half so bad even tho you would have been upset.

Give it time. allow yourself to feel however you feel. There are no rules about how you should feel or what time scale it should last. In time the unreality and horror and shock will pass. You will always remember your aunt with affection and sadness and the knowledge that you were both cheated, but it will not be with you all the time as it is now.

Take care,

  

Answer 2

Thats really tough my heart goes out to you. Its normal to feel this way though. When my great grand mother i felt the same way you do, as do lots of people who expirience the trauma of a loved ones passing. Go to a councelor, they can help you alot. i wish u the best

Answer 3

No, you won't go insane...it just feels like that. These are all normal feelings when you lose someone you love. Please talk to someone about it, where you can really express everything you are feeling...my heart goes out to you...it is so painful to lose someone you love.  

Answer 4

I'm very sorry for your loss.

While it is not pleasant, it is normal to go through all these emotions.  Grieving is important, and it might be helpful to understand more about the process.

This page explains the stages quite clearly:

http://www.utdallas.edu/counseling/selfh...

- Denial, numbness, and shock

- Bargaining

- Depression

- Anger

- Acceptance

If you are finding it difficult to deal with, please feel free to ask for help.  Lots of people around you do care, and would be willing to help.  There are teachers, counsellors, and, if you attend a church, your pastor/priest.  You can also look up some grief support groups.  If you're a teen, you can try to find other teens who have been through what you've been through.  It's hard, but I think you can really benefit by talking to someoe who has been where you are, and who have also gotten through it.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are progressing through the normal stages of grieving. Do try to talk to a counselor though.