I miss my grandma...?

Question

Its been 4 years since she died and I just can't get over it. I just feel so bad because I look back on how I treated her sometimes and I hate myself for it. I never got a chance to tell her how much I loved her before she died and I feel like killing myself for it. I'm such a horrible person and I don't know what I should do anymore. I just can't deal with this anymore, I don't know how. What would you do in my situation because at this point I don't know if I wana live till my 14th birthday.....Please help.

Answer 1

Your grandma lives on through you.  Now, you have to treat others the way you wish you had treated her.  She's smiling on you and is your guardian angel now.  She knows that you love her!!!

Answer 2

You were just a little kid then. Stop beating yourself up.  Almost every young kid acts the same way to grand parents.  That is understandable.

It is when  teenagers are old enough to know better, and they act like jerks to their grand parents that is so bad.

You have to forgive yourself, and go on and live your life.  Let this make you a better person, more thoughtful and caring.

Answer 3

Vicki, quite often in life we hurt the one's who love us the most.   And it appears this may be what you have done also.  I like yourself was a very selfish young man and only had feelings for me and those that I thought mattered (my buddies etc.), and treated my granny very poorly also.  My father died when I was a toddler and she raised me as if I were him.  I did and said many things that were quite hurtful.  Although not able to make amends to her while she was alive I have attempted to do so since her death.   My grandmother was loved by all my friends and was affectionately called Granny by all.  Today, now that I am a bit older, wiser and more mature I often go and visit her gravestone.  I realize she probably cannot hear my but I do go over and have heart to hearts with her.  I tell her how important a role she played in my life, how things are going and even introduced her to my new wife.  This may be a good healing method for you to try also, certainly couldn't hurt any and may actually make you feel a lot better.  Your grandma wouldn't want you to harm yourself regardless of how poorly you treated her while she was here.  Go on and make something of your life and often give her credit when things go good.   Best of luck.

Answer 4

Wow when i read your question it was like hearing myself speak i lost my grandma 4 years ago too,and she is the one who raised me,and i think about stuff that i said to her ,that i know made her feel terrible,and it just makes me sick to my stomach,i wish i would have known because things would have been so much different.but we cannot change the past,and I'm sure your grandma would not have wanted you to feel the way you are feeling,i'm gonna pray for you and i hope that you feel better.