Question:

I miss my little brother, how can I honor him?

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Back in 1975, I had a little brother that I never met. He was my mother's first born baby and he died at 10 weeks old from SIDS. The following year, I was born on the anniversary of his death. It was just a freak coincidence. I have pictures of him, and I miss him terribly, even though I never knew him. I had a really rough childhood, my mother was very mentally unstable, and used to leave my brother, sister and I for months at a time with my grandfather. When she was gone, we wern't sure if she would ever come back. There has been speculation over the years, that my mother was responsible for my brothers death. I do not know if this is true as I have never seen the death certificate (I tried to get it, but I was unable too because of my state's laws). To pay tribute to my brother, I used his name for my first born son's middle name. Allen (my baby brother), birthday is coming up in October, and I'd like to do something special for his grave site this year. Does anyone have any suggestions?

On a side note: I haven't spoke to my mother in about 8 years. She's not really capable of having any real relationships, and it's been to hard to have contact with her, so she is not a resource for me. My biological father is also not really a part of my life, he gave up his parental rights when I was 18 months old.

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  1. thank you for sharing, I cried when I read your story.  God Bless, you sound like a very strong women and a very good mom.  Unfortunately, you can't change what happened but you can change who you are as a person, sister and mother.  A way to celebrate your brother birthday, is to get a picture memorial stone, with a saying like we never met, but I feel you in my heart forever!  and you plant it in your own garden and plant pretty flowers around it.  He will always be with you and your family.  As for your mom, I am sorry.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers. thanks again.


  2. u honor your sibling by keeping his memory alive.  talk about him with your children.  

  3. well of course ssay your prayers for him...but you can also bring a lil metal box or something and all put pics. of you and if its his birthday, then maybe bring a lil cupcake with a candle and leave it there...now i know he has passed and cant eat it or anything, but its the geature that counts ya know..maybe tie a balloon that lays we love you or thinking about you onto the tombstone.

  4. What I do for people who have passed on when I miss them is  It is really eccentric  I go and buy them the perfect greeting card with just what  I am thinking  I attach it to a balloon and then I release it into the heavens  I used to also build a rock garden with flowers a bench and statues  A kinda place you can sit enjoy nature and  reflect on all that has turned out good You were the angel that was sent to replace your brother  You even though you have had it rough will be an inspiration  and guide to others

  5. It sounds as though you are honoring already by remembering him in your heart and mind. You have pictures and you sort of named your son after him. I don't think you can do much more. Don't forget about the people who are still here...they need you too. One love dog.

  6. A single white rose on a blue satin pillow.

    Good Luck.X :-)

  7. How can you miss him if you never met him? Don't be such a drama queen.  

  8. Honor him by letting him live within your heart.

    Let the good of him make you a better person for having had the chance to love him.

  9. I can see why you would have a connection with someone you have never met. It seems that you cant count on the people that should be the most important in your life (your mother and father). It makes sense you would have a connection with your brother, He has never hurt you, he has never let you down and never will. I lost my brother when he was 18 and I was 16. I don't miss him, he was cruel to me. I wish I could help you come up with a way to honor your brother but if you stop and think, you already have...just by missing and loving him.  

  10. most people would say you cant miss what you never had butthat is realy not the issue. what is important is that you areexprincing a lose brought on by your brothers birthday. it could be that what you are experiancing is a need for family. it is probably you relationship with your mother you longfor and since you can not have the type of relationship you woulsd like with here you are wishing you had your younger brother. please seek counceling, or you may never be satisfied in any relationship  

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