I need ALL the HELP I can get on this one, am I wrong for not wanting to go out with my boyfriend's family?

Question

Okay, I don't want this to come off the wrong way but my boyfriend's family asked me out to dinner with their family. The problem is, they are soooooooooo loud and ghetto. Not to mention his mom and dad are both ex drug users. I don't want to be mean but I am not sure how comfortable I am with that. Am I wrong for this? We have been dating a year. I haven't told him that I am not comfortable going out with his parents because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Should I just go with them? Please help me.

Answer 1

Dont go.  

Answer 2

I used to have this problem. They weren't ghetto, just really irritating. But, I said nothing, and went along with it. I never discussed it with him. We're married now. About 8 months into the marriage, something snapped, and I told my husband just how I felt about them. He was totally surprised, as he had no idea about how I felt. He was also hurt too, that I never talked to him about it. From that point on, he makes excuses to them as to why I can't attend these functions.

I wish I had talked to him before, as it would have saved me years of this c**p. Talk to your boyfriend. Be sensitive, as it is his family, but be honest. Sometimes you do have to go (obligation stink), but, you wont have to stay long.

Answer 3

Unfortunately they are still his family and he nor you can change that so you are going to have to cross that bridge sooner or later. As for the ex drug user thing...there are many people out there that are ex drug users and they are not bad people they just made bad choices and if they are ex users then more power to them give them credit for that and try to see the good in them and it may just outweigh the bad. Give them another chance and you might be surprised.

Answer 4

talk to him about it .

Answer 5

If you're not serious about him, no, don't go out with them.  If you are serious about him, yes, you should.  They may be ex-drug users and they may be ghetto but, for better or worse, they're his family.  I wouldn't tell him that you're not comfortable with them because that's his family and they're a package deal.  How would you feel if he told you the same thing about your family?  I'm assuming that you haven't had much contact with them so maybe you should get to know them.  It can be embarrassing to be associated with loud, obnoxious people in public but they may be decent people underneath all of that.  After all, they did produce your boyfriend.

Answer 6

Give them a chance and go.  If you find you are not comfortable with them then you know you do not have to go around them anymore, but if you are going to be with him you need to consider that you will more than likely be dealing with them more often.  

Answer 7

If you love your boyfriend, you should try to get along with his parents too.  As ghetto as they are, I'm sure he loves them, and they created him, and you love him, right?  Try to find at least some thing about them you like.  There's got to be at least something.  Find it, and focus on that.  Find some common ground between you.  Don't fall into the trap of being s****. and judgmental.  They can't be all bad if they made the man you love.  You're gonna have to learn to get along with them anyway, if you are serious about your boyfriend.

Answer 8

Yes, suck it up and go. Although you never said whether or not your boyfriend plans on going too, because if he is, then what's the problem? If not, I can see how that would be weird, even if the people weren;t ghetto. Just go, a lot of the people that aren't at your table probably won;t remember you anyway if you aren't loud and ghetto. I would just go.

Answer 9

You should tell him the truth but still go for him.... People are way to judgmental these days, give it a shot you might have a good time.  Give them a chance they might surprise you....  Good luck.

Answer 10

Yes, go.  This is a chance for you to get to know them, then some of the barriers will come down for you.  Also, take this as an opportunity to learn about others and different ways of life then yours.

Answer 11

you guys been dating for a year and you havent gone out with the family yet? everyone makes mistakes and there "ex" drug users maybe there different you cant judge them you know. i use to be like that i hated going out with my boyfriends family when i had one, but it made me so much closer to him when i did because it makes them happy. so i say , go out with them and see how it goes, you never know you might like it!

Answer 12

Loud and ghetto?  Does that mean they don't live in an affluent suburb with the high and mighty rich people.  Loud? Does that mean they laugh a lot and know how to have a good time and be up front and honest?  Maybe girl, you could learn a thing or two from them.  Like ... how not to be such a snob.  Lordy - get over yourself huh??  Ex - you know EX?  It means past tense.  Drug users are normal every day good people before they make a big bad judgement call.  I hope it never happens to you.  You and your big ideas - you wouldn't know what to do with a problem like that.

I feel sorry for your boyfriend that you are so dishonest and can't have the "guts" to tell him how you really feel.  What a shame he's stuck with someone like you.

Answer 13

It depends on what's more important to you - being comfortable, or your relationship with your boyfriend.

If you value your relationship then you'll set aside what you think about his family.

It may also help to keep in mind we don't choose our parents.

Answer 14

Yes, you should go out with them.  They are your boyfriend's family for better or for worse.  He is because of them.  Who knows, you may even learn something.

Answer 15

I have a step-sister like them.  She's an IDIOT and I despise going out with her in public because she doesn't know how to act.  You don't have to go out with them, this is not anything but a bunch of relatives of some guy you happen to be dating at the moment.  You don't like them.  They're not your kind of 'people'.  And if they're embarssing and loud and crude and you don't like that, then don't go, because it's not very likely that they're going to just all of a sudden cultivate some class and some manners just for YOU.  They are who they are.  

Be sure you understand, though, that the longer you date this guy, the more 'attached' to him you're going to get, and the more 'attached' you get, the more you might try to sell yourself on the idea that this guy is 'the one' and he can't possibly be 'the one' with a family like that, because if you were to marry him, you basically marry the whole crew, get what I mean here?

So don't go to dinner with them.  And start looking for a boyfriend whose family is better suited to your background and upbringing and sense of values.  

Not to mention some manners in public.  Sheesh!!

Answer 16

Some might think you are being a snob but I can see your point shallow as it is.  You need to stop and rethink this relationship.  He is his parent's child and those traits that you do not like in them are ingrained in him and will someday come to the surface. If you remain with this man and eventually marry him then his family will become your family and they will be an influence on your children. I do not think you are going to like that.

You are not going to be comfortable or happy in this relationship in the long run.  He is not going to dump his family and you are going to have to not just deal with them but learn to get along if not like them.  Don't see that happening?  they why prolong what must be the way this has to end.  Love my love my family  You obviously do not.

Answer 17

You are not wrong, but why are you wasting your time with this guy ?  What if you get married, will you avoid his family all the time ?