I need Insight on a situation with this man...?

Question

I meet this guy thru a friend of a friend. We talked on the phone a few weeks before we meet. We seen pics of each other and both loved what we saw. I was into his personality more than anything. He was a diff type of man -

He made me feel like a lady/ A true gentlemen we talked on phone over a few weeks and meet up.We meet up with each other at the movies and he paid for my ticket,popcorn and even after our tour the ship at the waterfront.Not to mention my caB fare home from the date because he don't drive, and he wanted me to get home safe and not take the bus.

Anyways we held hands the whole times at the movies, and walking along the waterfront. We also kissed little pecks at the movies + waterfront- The first time I kissed him at the movies he's like oh..thank U and smiled.

Anyways we talked ABOUT everything and we both opened up to each other. I mean I told him about my life struggles and he told me about his as well. It was like we talked the whole time at the waterfront about everything!

When we left to get on the subway back downtown..

He mentioned next time he would pick the movie, and he'd get me a flower when he saw me.ALot play flirting and talking. It seamed like a real connection with this ONE time. Before we meet everY AM he'd leave good morning sweetheart, and he even asked how does he become a very important person in my life.I told him you have to stick around to be such. I cant trust anyone right now. He said he feels the same...

well...now...

Anyways a few things i wonder..I asked him if he was talking to anyone else or whatever out curiousness... He said he has a few female friends, and one he'd be with HER if she didn't have her ex-bf drama. Im thinking why would u tell me that part? Than when we left the waterfront after he waited for me for my cab to pick me up (he paid my fare! he dont drive now) he said I kno something on your mind. Hes like I can read you, tell me you'd feel better just get it off your chest. He kept asking and I kept hesitating. There was alot on mind for one that girl he brunG up and other thinGs... when the cab came I just said I like you,..he said im glad u feel the way about me or w/e.

So when I get home I let him know I made it safe, and we texted for minute and that was that.

I need your insight on the situation.. with that girl , him asking whats on my mind like really wanting to kno - he seamed like he had stuff on his mind to. Because at the movies he said he'd tell me what was on his after I did. He never did.. but anways insight,,, what do u think?

Im also worried he is going disappear like the rest becuz of it happeninG before to me.

Answer 1

Your guy told you everything you needed to know when he said that he can't trust anyone. This is what is causing him to behave the way he is right now: he is afraid of emotional intimacy. It's possible that he felt like you two were getting too close too fast, and because he is afraid of intimacy, he can't handle a lot of closeness. He may have gotten freaked out when, on your date, the two of you hit it off so well. And because he felt freaked out, he ran and is now avoiding you.

Regarding his comment about the girl, he may have been (unconsciously) trying to create distance between the two of you. As strange as it may sound, making a comment about wanting to be in a relationship with someone else is a great way to create distance, especially when a guy feels himself getting too close, too fast.

The reason he didn't reciprocate by telling you what was on his mind after you had told him what was on yours is, again, likely because he is afraid of intimacy. After you had told him what was on your mind, he probably got spooked and suddenly shut down. But this is how the fear of intimacy works. People who have this fear can easily handle it when OTHER people disclose their secrets to them, but they can't handle disclosing their own secrets.

It is possible that this guy will disappear too. In our lives, we tend to be attracted to a certain type of person. For some women, they are usually attracted to the "bad boy" type. For others, they will be attracted to the "shy, quiet" guy. And still others may be attracted to the "distant" guy, the one who can only get just so close to a woman before he freaks out and runs away. It sounds like this may be your type of guy (If it makes you feel any better, I think this is my type too.). The distant guy may get close to a woman, up to a point, and then when the degree of intimacy in the relationship surpasses what he can handle, he becomes terrified and runs away from the relationship. This may be what has happened with the man you were seeing, and the reason why other men have left as well. But the one thing you most need to understand about this type of man is that, his leaving you is really all about HIM and HIS fears, rather than about anything you've done. You have not chased him away. It is not some kind of defect in yourself that is causing him to run. It is a problem within HIMSELF: his fear of emotional intimacy.

The most important piece of advice I can give you in this situation is to just let him go, as hard as that probably is. If you try to hold onto him, he will be even more scared and will feel suffocated. And this will result in his trying to pull away even farther from you. It's a very old and paradoxical truth, but if you want to have any chance at keeping him, you have to let him go. If he's truly interested in a relationship with you, then he will eventually come back, after he's had some time to deal with his fear.

I know it's hard and incredibly frustrating, but hang in there!

Answer 2

he's messing with you,

just ignore him for a while and he'll come back begging for your attention

Answer 3

Go slow with your feelings, do not get dependent or feel like this guy will solve all your problems or rescue you.  We all have people in our past and it probably is best to leave them there and not perseverate on them too much.  We all get hurt in life.. don't let that control your future too much...

Answer 4

He kinda seems freaky. With him going "I can read you" and all that. But...that was a bit stupid of him. Just talk to him about it. He seems concerned, so go ahead! And he is a sweet guy, just a sweet, creepy guy.