I need a couple of interesting, original jokes to tell. Anyone have any good jokes?

Question

Any type of joke would be great!

Answer 1

How do g*y gangsters do a drive by?????

they drive in a pink car, throw out skittles and yell..."that's right bi*ch taste the rainbow"

Answer 2

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city's stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the "picture," but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man's many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy's suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly ***** he's runnin' around with."

Answer 3

1. Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.

When did you first notice this problem?

What problem?

2.Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?

Teacher: no, of course not.

Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

3.You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Answer 4

Ever Hear about the r****m Stretcher?

One day this woman is running late for work.

She's speeding and coming up to a big bridge.

As soon as she crosses the bridge she gets pulled over by a cop waiting on the other side.

He comes up to her door and asks her, "Why were you in such a hurry."

She replies, "I'm late for work."

While he's filling out her ticket he asks here, "What do you do?"

To which she answers, "Why I'm a r****m stretcher!"

The officer likes to drop his pen and ticketbook when he hears this.

He says, "A WHAT?!"

The woman says again, "A r****m Stretcher!"

The officer asks, "And what does a r****m stretcher do?!"

She tells him, "Well I start by putting one finger in and wiggling around and then put two and three and work my way until I get my whole hand in." She says this while giving him a demonstration with her hands waving around in the air, all the while the officer just listens and watches dumbfounded.

She continues, "Then I get my other hand in and work around until I've stretched it about 6 feet."

The officer asks, "What the h**l do you do with a 6ft @$$ hole?!"

She asnwers, "You stick him on the otherside of a bridge and give him a radar gun."

30mins late for work:verbal warning

speeding ticket:$150

making a cop look like a fool and then completing pi$$ing him off:priceless!

Answer 5

lmfao to these ppl that answered!

Answer 6

The bride tells her husband

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about s*x. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the

prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the

prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but

the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him

a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently

born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,

OKAY!  

hahaha

Answer 7

How do you drown a submarine full of stupid people?

Knock on the door

2 friends are talking while walking home from school.

One friend says "My parents hate me"

"How can u tell?" the other friend asked

"Last night my parents gave me a radio and a toaster to play with in the bath"