I need a formula for communicating. Plz psychologists help?

Question

You know you can use blackmail to make someone feel guilty like, "If you don't to this for me I will be disappointed in you." for example. Or, "I will be lonely if you don't visit me enough" etc.

What is the healthy way to do this so the person doesn't get manipulated. Like if you genuinely need someone to be a certain way, otherwise it hurts you.

Can you get the message across, giving them a guilt-free choice that doesn't trap them? Please tell me the formula. Thanks for any help :))

Answer 1

Tell them what is in it for them if they do things the right way. You gotta be careful though coz it sounds like you are trying to change somebody, and people dont take too kindly being told what to do. You can also word it differently and tell them "I feel hurt when you do or say this." or "I miss seeing you, I'd like to spend more time with you." Use the call to action voice where you motivate them to do something, instead of the accusatory tone which comes across as whining or selfishness. In some occassion you may have to accept the person the way they are and not take stuff personally.