I need a little help with my sons father

Question

I am not exactly sure what to do. I am engaged to a wonderful man and he truly is a great father. However, I am not getting the help that I need all the time. He provides for our family just fine....he goes to work everyday and works very hard. However, when he comes home he checks on the baby maybe once or twice and until it is time to go to bed he just plays video games or hangs around doing not a whole lot. When it is time to go to bed he does help in the middle of the night but I have to fight with him to do so. I work as well and it is hard for me too. I have an 8a-5p job just like him and we both work monday through friday. We tend to get into arguments almost every night and I am beginning to get tired of it. I have tried to explain to him it is hard being a mom and I just need him to pitch in here or there but he does not seem to understand how I feel. What do I do?

Answer 1

you know what? I just give the baby to to father, when I met my hubby I already had a child, she was 4 months old. and I wanted to be sure he was good with her, so I kind of "forced" her on him, I would get up to take a shower or something, and I would put the baby on his lap and get into the shower. Also when she needed to be fed I would get the bottle, and give the bottle and the baby to him and say "your turn" It worked, now when I have had enough, I will say I need a break, it's your turn daddy, he will take care of the kids. Like it or not, because lets face it, we women take care of the kids like it or not. And when it comes to helping around the house, give him options, For me what I do is say "The laundry need to be folded, and the dishes want to be done, which one do you want to do?" And my hubby will pick dishes because he hates laundry. And at night time when my kids where little we would take "shifts" When the baby was first born, I would get first shift one night and he would get second shift, and vice-versa the next night, then when my son only woke up once during the night, we would do it opposite days. Luckliy my hubby knows better than to argue with me, but stand firm, So you can get the help you need otherwise your relationship will crumble, you can do it by yourself, but it's hard, and sounds like you could use the help. Good luck.

Answer 2

Most men go on auto-pilot until they are asked to do something specific. You may try asking him to do certain things rather than just asking him to pitch in. My husband will take out the trash, mow the yard, clean the litterbox and do his own laundry without being asked, but the rest of the time he will sit on the couch and watch TV. If I need him to help with anything else I have to ask him. Even if it seems completely obvious to me, he doesn't automatically notice things that need to be done. I've talked to other women who say their husbands are exactly the same way. Try asking him to do one specific thing and don't forget to thank him for it when he does. Men respond really well to that. Best of luck.

Answer 3

First things first.

Take turns getting up with the baby at night.  Let him know before bed that tonight you will do it but tomorrow is his turn and leave it at that.  same with bath, feeding etc.  Men think mothers are capable of doing it all so unless we point out otherwise we will have to.  I also found taking a couple of hours once a week for myself and leaving him with the kids helped and he also got a few hours out with friends as well.  it gave us both much needed friend time and time alone with the kids.

When it comes to the house I always told mine I cook you clean up you cook I clean.  Clothes that made it to the laundry basket were safe those that didn't well they went in the trash, same with games, movies, books etc.  They had a place and if they weren't in that place and I had to pick them up they went in the trash.  Just having him pick up after himself was a big help then on the weekends we did laundry and the big cleaning together.

Don't just let it build up inside until you blow up, tell him calmly that you had a hard day and it would be nice if he would load the dishwasher.  You have to communicate but in doing so you also have to be willing to listen and compromise.

Answer 4

You should try to talk to him and tell him how stressed you are too, and how tired you are. Ask him why he feels like it's okay to just sit and do nothing when he gets home? Is he working to live or living to work? Tell him there is no point in him going to work every day to finance your home, family, etc. if he isnt going to take care of what needs to be done at home. Would he buy a new video game system then never use it? Would he buy new games and never play them?

I always wonder if I just stop doing everything at the house if my husband will notice. I clean up after him like he's a child. The funny thing is I am such a neat freak I can't stand to look at the c**p. Guys would never notice it.

They are wired different.