I need a strategic way to help daughter learn. Anybody good at parables?

Question

I want to rip into my 20 year old daughter. My 17 year old stayed with her for 1 month, and during that time, we sent $300 to help cover food costs, in addition to the $200 that she left with.

She (20 year old) said that the expenses were $1200 for just food because the 17 year old ate so much (but still coincidentally lost 8 pounds over the month).

The 17 year old told me not to give her anything, and later disclosed that the 20 year old offered to split the $ right down the middle with her, if I coughed up the $1200.

Obviously 17 year old won't be visiting her again, but if I explain why, 20 yr old will have a hundred reasons why this behavior is my fault because I owe her. How do I invite 20 year old to evaluate her behavior critically so she recognizes this isn't in her best interest?

I am angry, trust is broken, and I want to stay away from her because she isn't interested in protecting me or our relationship.

Answer 1

please clear this up for me:

what do you mean "in protecting me or our relationship?"

Answer 2

You just be blunt with her.You tell her the 17 yr old told you EVERYTHING!

Then tell her the 17 yr old will NOT be going back and until she can see and understand that what she has done is wrong, she is no longer your daughter and you want no more contact with her and this is going to hurt you more than her but it is for  her good and yours.

Then cut off all contact for a while until she comes to you with her tail between her legs.If she don't then you haven't lost much.

Answer 3

She probably won't listen to your advice.  If you are a praying person,

ask God to send good people around her.  Peers will often influence

where parents can't seem to penetrate.

Proverbs 13:20- He who walks with the wise grows wiser, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Answer 4

Get a copy of the statute in your state for fraud (you can google it). Show it to her. Show her what the possible penalties are for attempted fraud - because, legally, that's exactly what this is.

Forget the parables. You tell her that you will not trust her with either your child or your money again until she proves herself for a substantial length of time. If she's mad, she's mad. If she has excuses, so what?? Calmly stand your ground.