I need a true parenting book to read adn ideas on discipline that you do that work....(have 5 kids).?

Question

I have 5 kids and all but the 19 month old are out of control and I'm at my wit's end....I NEED HELP! If you've read a parenting book that actually makes sense and helps or have any discipline ideas that you have that actually help I'd appreciate all your ideas. Their ages are 13, 9, 7, 6, 1. My 13 year old is the worst about it. He disrespects, doesn't listen, doesn't clean...I could go on all day. I don't know what to do anymore because the others are starting to act like that too. I was outside cleaning the yard today and they all trashed the house very badly. They fight 100% of the time, they yell at me and each other, name calling, etc. I'd love to have Supernanny here but don't want to have to be on TV for it. I've just about given up being a mom.

Answer 1

"Raising a Nonviolent Child" by John Rosemond.

See chapter 15 for a detailed plan on establishing respect in children.  It is my personal Bill of Rights as a mom.  I read it each day that I need help and promise myself to discipline kids who disrespect.  To make it work the first few days you would probably need four time-out rooms (bedrooms, nice clean bathroom, laundry room, etc.  After the first week or two, you probably won't have consequences, time-outs, and/or grounding as much, but it is possible the first day you start to have all four kids in time-out at the same time.  If you suspect time-outs WON'T work, especially for the older ones, see the first section of "1-2-3 Magic" (very popular, available in most libraries).  I like the John Rosemond book because unlike most parenting books it teaches zero tolerance for disrespect.  Your 13 year old son might need stronger discipline, you don't have to punish, you  just need a serious enough consequence to get his attention.

see ideas on page 102-103 of "1-2-3 Magic" for what to do about major offenses.  (Also great advice on time-outs if they haven't worked for you so far and how to KEEP YOUR COOL when you establish a new set of rules for your kids).  The John Rosemond book (chapter 15) has 15 rules ranked in order of seriousness.  I explained to my kids that all the rules were designed to be easy enough for a 3 year old to follow and that I thought it was important that even though they were older that they learn them.  I read the rules and told them I would be strictly enforcing them.  To make this work, you will probably want to increase hugs, kisses, cuddles, praise, etc so that they know you are not being vindictive when you enforce the rules.  If they think you are just trying to "get even" they will fight harder.  

My son totally tested these rules when they were new, he had two long time-outs before breakfast and was grounded to his room the rest of the day two days in a row.  He'd never had this strict of rules in his life and I felt sorry for him (I had a lot of doubt about enforcing rules as well), but the rules were fair, I kept reminding myself they were fair and he got better.  My daughter learned from my son and shaped up her behavior with one or less time-outs each day and no other consequences necessary.

The mom of the most respectful kids I know swears by this book, it is on my "to-read" list.

http://www.gospeltruth.net/children/pear...

my rules

obnoxious behavior (warnings, time-out, not in a chair, but in a separate room)

self-centered misbehavior (time-out by age or until calm)

1)share

2)don't throw a fit

3)no put-downs

4)no temper tantrums

defiant misbehavior (15 minute or longer time-out)

5)no ignoring rules or defying instructions

6)no deliberately or consistently breaking rules

7)no verbal or physical disrespect to adults

8)no demanding requests of adults

aggressive misbehavior (grounded to room all day, activities cancelled, early bedtime)

9)no hitting, kicking, biting, or spitting

10) no hitting or threatening to hit adults when upset

11)no animal cruelty

12)no bullying (siblings or other kids)

destructive, decietful misbehavior (major consequences, all priveleges revoked, restitution/apology required)

13)no stealing

14)no vandalizing

15)no lying to avoid responsibility

Answer 2

Firstly, i think you are doing great! You have certainly identified that there is a problem and not ignoring it like alot of parents now days! I think you need to start with the 13 year old as he is a role model to your other children.

This site https://thebookgarden.com.au has books in a catalogue and has alot of headings. I would focus on Behaviour Management and Parenting. The Behaviour management section focus on books for parents and teachers but to be truthful the title may look scary but each book really focus on different forms of behaviour among individual children and are written by some well known child researchers.

I have one book that i have read and recommend and that is Young children's behaviour, Practical approaches for car givers and teachers by Louise Porter and it is my bible! Very easy to read and covers alot of topics eg Prevention of inconsiderate behaviour and Responding to inconsiderate behaviour!

I hope i have helped a little bit! I think you are very brave asking for help, not to many parents out there admit it to themselves their children do not believe themselves. It will be a long road but patience and persistence is all you need and i think you have got that!

Best of luck :)

Answer 3

It took you 5 kids to realize this????

There's this book out, called Magic, 1,2,3....it's all about a counting form of discipline...I read it, sounds very interesting and could actually work...I'm not sure who wrote it!

Answer 4

You got it.  Get "Love and Logic" by Jim Fay and Foster Kline, and "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Colorusso (I'm not certain of spelling of names).  Both books are gems and give suggestions for the most common issues parents face--and help you get your sanity back.  Love and Logic also offers seminars--that might be a good day away for you!

I've used the concepts in these books for over 11 years--and they  work.

Answer 5

I can see your problem from the start, these children have NEVER been disciplined.  YOU are the parent it was up to YOU to set the rules.  Obviously you haven't done your job so stop blaming your kids.  There are no books that are going to fix your problems.  Your 13 year old acts exactly in the manner you have allowed him to act it is not his fault you never disciplined him.  You say you're about given up being a mom?  You never were a mom to begin with how can you give it up?  Discipline starts from the moment they are born.  You set rules accordingly.  You never did and yet you kept having kids.

Answer 6

Check out the "Incredible Years" books and see if they have a program in your area....they are good and offer lots of advice on discipline as well as working with mulitiple children in the family.  It is the program used by counclers and psychologists all over the US and is recongized by the courts as a parenting class.

Answer 7

First of all, take heart.  You can help guide your children down the paths they should be going.  It will not be easy and will take a lot of hard work, prayer & consistency, but you can do it.  For a book to get you started, may I suggest "Good & Angry" by Scott Turansky?  It is a solid parenting & discipline book with a biblical basis.  It is an easy read, not too long and gives practical ideas you can implement right away, without having to read the book all the way through before beginning.  I must say that with older children, you should expect any discipline changes you make to take some time.  We are all creatures of habit and if your 13 year old has lived without consistent discpline for this long, it would be unrealistic to expect him to respond positively to what you are trying to do immediately.  Same with the other older children.  The 19 month old, while okay now, will soon be following in his/her siblings' footsteps if you do not take action quickly.  I have read this book and highly recommend it.  We are continuing to use its suggestions in our family of 4 kids, ages 5 & under.  The authors have another book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining & Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids" that I also recommend if for some reason you can't get the first one I mentioned.  They have many of the same principles.  Good Luck!

Answer 8

I don't know books to tell you but i can help you with this article

     "Look for punishment’s alternatives"

the link is in english language if you need another language it's availabile in website in more than language.

a small def. of mr.amr khaled the writer of the article:

mr.amr khaled is an Egyptian Muslim activist and preacher. The New York Times Magazine, in reference to Khaled's popularity in Arab countries, described him in its April 30, 2006 issue as "the world's most famous and influential Muslim televangelist." Amr Khaled has recently been chosen as number 13 of the world's most influential people by Time Magazine and sixth most influential intellectual in the world by Prospect magazine.

plaease don't forget to tell me your opinion , i hope you find a sol for your proplem