I need advice, my 28 year old daughter is a pig?

Question

Due to circumstances beyond my daughters doing she and her 2 children age 6 and 4 share a room in my basement that we made for them it is perfectly large enough for all 3 with no problem. I am not the cleanest person in the world. I dont know where my daughter gets this from. When she washes her clothes and the girls she dont fold anything she just throws it on her couch or on the bed. The girls are sleeping on top this stuff. I relize its clean but there are enough clothes to support a kindergarden room on the floor and in the bed it looks like a cyclone hit the place. Dirty cups sitting around, boxes of clutter that should have been put away mixed with clothes. The dirty clothes piled high in front of the tv. Well, I got so angry tonight while she was at work I went downstairs and started to fold her clothes and separate them. I used over 10 storage tubs. Am I out of line to think she needs to take better care of her room. Her care for the girls themselves is fine.

Answer 1

perhaps she could just throw it all in a tote/bin. they shouldn't have to sleep on them and letting mix in with other stuff doesn't make for keeping them clean. dirty cups are more worrisome because they harbor bacteria and attract rodent and insects and    then there are less clean ones available for everyone else. the other thing too is that the kids are learning by her example. don't do it for her but maybe you can think of a way to motivate her i.e. if the cups are not put in the dishwasher then there just won't be any clean cups till she brings them up. getting her to clean up her area might be a little harder but the kids shouldn't have to sleep on clothes and live amidst a mess maybe they can motivate her. making it a family activity can help plus it goes faster.

Answer 2

at least she washes?

Answer 3

It is your house and the least your daughter can do is clean up everyday.  If you dont want her to be mad do it as a family thing like for an hour or 30 minutes each day.  Then after the mess is cleaned up have a tote for each person

(even you so no one is singled out until necessary) when you see something of anyones laying around put it in the tote.  When the tote gets full they have to empty it out.  Make it a rule for everyone.  P.s.  Have everyone decorate their tote/box  with their name ,  make it a fun activity at the beginning and it should be easy for everyone to follow.  Also, make sure the toe or box is not too big~

Answer 4

maybe these 'circumstances' have left her a bit depressed and not bothered.... what was she like before going in the basement?  and what do her kids think about it? they must of noticed a change?

i think you have a right to worry as you're looking out for you daughters and your grandchildrens well being.

Answer 5

Does she work a lot and then take care of the kids? Does she maybe not have the time? Try having a talk with her. She is not being a good role model in the cleanliness department for her children.......

Answer 6

i think she needs to take a bit more care. maybe as she has so many clothes for all of them, they don't hold any value to her.

there is a major safety issue. if she has a fire, and needs to escape fast, tripping over clothes could kill her and the kids.

i would wonder if whatever circumstances have left her sleeping in your basement have started to cause depression?

i would encourage her and the girls to keep their clothes tidy but not worry about everything being perfect.

make it a game, the four of you. find all your clothes, fold them and put them on a wooden shelf or something.

say there is a prize for the one who folds most or something!

then say they were all brilliant and go out for pizza as a treat

Answer 7

By cleaning up you have simply enabled her. My guess is when she was younger and living at home you did the same thing, thus she expects it. Consistent consequences are the only thing that will change her habits. Give her an ultimatum, respect your house or leave. Tell her the kids can stay but she will have to go if she can't follow your rules.

Answer 8

im only 15 soon 16 but i used to be a hog but all the germ can make u sick (i got the flu in augest) so her kids and ur grandchildren could be at risk and not careing is just un natural cuz it can start to hurt u the germs can spread so just ask her to take care and every once in a wial offer to help if its to much to handel 4 her and gradualy she will do it on her own thats how my mom helped me and now i can brly get sick during flu season i hope i helped peace