I need advice, my mother in law offended/criticised me deeply and now she wants to talk.

Question

My husband and i have been having a lot of issues for over months now.(he curses at me all the time, and i would scratch/slapp him)but recently we had a major fight, where my husband got her MIL involved.my MIL also watches my 11 month old son since i work full time.anyway apparently every time we fought my husband would go off to his mommys and tell her everything, but of course only his side of the story.So last weekend he came over to our place and got some clothes since it "was over" and brought his mom as a backup. she butted in and began telling me off...she criticised the way i lived, the way i kept my house, the fact that i moved out of my parents house before i married my husband(shes old fashioned) to her it meant i was no good for marriage, that i was stuck up, that i had no right to touch his son, and my husband let her go on. they took off and i moved out to where im originally from (30 minutes away) and moved in with my parents and put my son i a day care! im so furious at her it was none of her business, and now shes saying i misunderstood???!!! she wants to talk. what should i say?my husband wants me back but i refuse to go back with him to that city so my MIL can watch my baby.i want to keep him in day care and not get her so much involved in our lives like she would.

Answer 1

Wow,sorry to say but sounds like your husband was a momma's boy. Straight up tell her she had no right coming into your home and telling you how to live your life when her son acted so immature to leave you and your/his son on your own. Tell her you don't want her to bo so involved with your/his life,and you need to explain that to your husband. Good luck.

Answer 2

We all say things in the heat of anger.  Just as I'm sure you and your hubby did.  I'm sure you and your mother-in-law did the same.

It is never, never fair to use a child to hurt or anger anyone!!  The issues are with the adults here and you all need to be adult enough to realize this.

Sorry, but your hubby brought his mom into the situation.  If you should be blaming anyone it is him for that.

As moms we always want to protect our children.  You never stop being a mom and I'm sure her instincts kicked it.  You were all in the wrong, work it out.  But you all need to admit you wrong doings.  ALL of you.  

Answer 3

If I were you, I would let her speak on the phone and see what she has to say.

I would tell her that she crossed the line.

I would let her know that you are not married to her and that her comments were out of line.

I would talk to the husband and see if he is interested in going to marital counseling.

If he says no.....file for divorce.

They are trying to kiss up to you so that they can see the baby.

Best wishes

Answer 4

if you are sure the marraige is over stick to your guns

Answer 5

Wow. This sounds like something I was going through too.

Only difference is that my mother in law got into our business like she knew more than us.

Listen... Its going to be very hard but you have to talk to her.

Sit down with her and tell you that you would like to talk first.

Explain to her that you are very hurt with the words she said and that you are willing to let them go. Continue talking to her by telling her that you love her son and that your 11month old son is yours and his. Explain to her that there are two sides to the story and that before she jumps to conclusions and starts bad mouthing you about your life style, she should look into both sides of the story.

Tell her a short version of your side of the story from all the times he has ran to her to tell her what happened.

You need to help her understand rather than make her understand. Explaining and bringing to light your side of the story to her is going to bring things to a calm stage and it will better your relationship with her. Tell her that you think the best thing for her to do is listen to what her son has to say everytime he comes, but after, to call you and talk to you about what happened. If she really cares about the both of you and her grandson, then she should open her ears to both sides of the story.

Also tell her how serious its getting when the both of you argue. Explain to her how your husband talks to you and that his words affect you and put you to the point that you want to be physical with him. Tell her how bad it gets and that you are not happy with it. You need to tell her that you love her son very much but the only way that you would consider getting back with him is if things change with the way he talks to you. She needs to understand that its disrespectful and just by hearing those words, causes you to react the way you do.

I have a little bit of a temper too and I seem to push and punch my husband in the arm sometimes when I get really upset. But thats just a way of us couping with arguements. Now I have learned that whenever I feel enraged like that, I put on my gym clothes and I go to the gym, or I just go for a walk with my dog.

Since you have a child, maybe it would be best if you just took your baby for a walk. That will calm you down before you make any mistakes.

Good luck with talking with her. I know how difficult it could be because my mother in law treats my husband like he is an angel. But when I brought to light all his wrong doings, they look at me now like I have to take care of him more than he should take care of me.

So trust me, i've been on that boat before.

All you gotta do is treat her with respect and love and she will see that you arent the problem.

Answer 6

Sounds like you all need to sit down together and get this worked out. If you are still in love with your husband and want to work things out, you will have to understand that his mother will always be in the picture and it is better to be able to be on at least speaking terms with her. If you are adamant about her not watching your son, let your husband and her know that and why. When you have cleared the air and everyone knows where they stand, things will get better

Answer 7

She just wants to talk for the sake of the child - it's pretty obvious. If you get a divorce your gonna have to make sure you get full custody and when your husband gets your son for a day that's when she gets to see him. She does not like you and you should stay far away from her.

Answer 8

Don't give her the time of day.  Nor your husband.  This is one battle you will never ever win.

Answer 9

It sounds like she has figured out that a split between you and her son takes her grandchild out of her reach.  She lost control of her desire to defend her son and created a very difficult situation for herself and everyone else involved.

You don't have to take your child out of day care, but I strongly suggest you talk to her and give her a chance to explain herself.  If you do get back together with your husband, you are getting back together with her too at some level.  Even if you don't, she will always be your child's grandmother.  Just be firm and open about your expectations about how you will be treated.  If she steps over the line in the future, remind her immediately of those specific expectations and tell her that you believe she is crossing the line.  

Answer 10

- Go to you husbands mom and have this 'Chat' If she says anything offencive have your parents as backup. If you old hubbie wants to play like that, you will.