I need advice, relationship with someone 'not ready'?

Question

He has never said that he's not ready for the next step (we've only been dating for 10 months) BUT he has mention a few times how much he enjoys living with his buddies and having fun. That he isn't interested in for example, buying a house for now because he's having a good time. The thing that bothers me is...he is 29! I don't know what to do. I am 27 and I don't feel this way. I'm not saying that I want to get married now, but in a couple of years. So I don't know if I should keep seeing him since we are not really on the same page (mental wise) Any advice??? Thanks a lot.

Answer 1

Why don't you let him know whats on your mind. Then you can get a clear thought of what he really wants. You never know, either he thinks about it or he tells you straight up he is not ready for commitment.  

Answer 2

Talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn't feel the same way or you can't come to a compromise then it's best to end asap so feelings don't become stronger.

Answer 3

There are those who are never ready.  And his age is immaterial, obviously.

If you are searching for a partner to share a life with, then at 10 months, you have indeed put in enough time to see which directions this guy is going... and it obviously isn't in your directions.  

You are convenient, and around, and by ten months, it ought to be a bit more than that.  This is not to say that you ought to be making wedding plans, but guys interested in having the lady as a permanent fixture in their lives, don't go off with their buddies, in preference to being with you and your mutual couple friends.

In your place, I'd give him the dear John':

John-

Truly I adore you (or something similar) but I wish to be in a relationship of love, and togetherness, and one in which a future is being established.  Our relationship isn't going in that direction.  And I know you sense it too.  And so, I think I am rather in your way, and for sure you are beginning to be in mine.  I cannot stay with you, and seek an appropriate partner.  So if I don't hear from in in the next 3 days, I know that you prefer your life alone, and as it is, than in building one with me.



If he makes no move, or doesn't call, it's over hon.  When you draw a line in the sand, it is an ultimatum.  You could try something softer...

"What do you want from this relationship, and when?

But then you are again being strung along....

Answer 4

My husband did that.  He wanted me to be sure that we both were right for each other.  He wanted for us to make it while dating and being together as well as being just as good apart as we were together.  Sometimes that was hard and my heart was in a different place, but I loved him enough to stick it out and you know I never regretted that.  

Answer 5

You answered your own question.  He doesn't want any responsibility.  If you try to change that he will resent you.  Move on and find yourself a real man!

Answer 6

read the book "He's just not that into you"      it'll definitely give you some insight

Answer 7

You already know where he stands...he's made it very clear to you.  Are you going to hang around and hope that he changes his mind?  I hope not.

Answer 8

Honestly i would wait. Yall have only been together 10 months, most guys are still not trying to move in that soon. Now if its been like 2 years, then id be kind of worried. Maybe start bringing it up again around a year and a half? let him fall even deeper =)

Answer 9

Find a man...not a boy. Take Care

Answer 10

The relationship is still very new, so if that's the only problem then give him more time. Good luck to you :)

Answer 11

I see the fear of being honest in your relationship. I see that you two do not have deep conversations about where and when to take the relationship to another level. If you are being used as someone to be with when there is a need, get out. You are worth more than that. Do not let this relationship keep going on without any deep probing, serious, and honest commitment about what and where you two want to take this. Before long, you will be thirty, forty , you got the picture. You would have gone your whole life wasting on someone that still think he is a teenager at heart. If he has not changed at this stage, expect more of this in the future.

Answer 12

Well, either play it out or move on.

Answer 13

Sounds like he hasn't gotten over himself yet. If his buddies are so important to him,let him be. Just be truthful and honest with him. Then move on. Spend time with The Lord in prayer, grow closer to Him, and He will guide and provide you with the one your seeking in God's time, not yours. You don't know, maybe in a few months or years the young man your talking about will mature, and end up actually being Mr Right.