I need advice about my 3 yr old... Christian parents pls.?

Question

I have two toddlers one 3 and the other 2. My 3 yr old is loud, aggressive and impatient. Now my 2 year old was more of the quite type. Now I can see my 2 yr old imitating his 3yr old brother.

I can't control my 3 yr old. He is not scare of the consequences.

I really want some one's advice from the Christian point of view. I really want to be a godly mother but I loss it all the time. I always end up screaming and then felling guilty for not been patient. I love my babies with all of my heart. I want the best for them. I really want my 3 yr old to be a good example for his younger brother.

Answer 1

Children respond better to praise than punishment. They don't understand yelling  -yelling can be labled mental abuse(this does give most parents the insentive to stop when they hear it put that way).

You will need to come down to their level in height and speak with them, let them tell you how they feel. Most children who are aggressive are doing so b.c they feel they arent being heard. They feel you are too busy or that if they tell you they feel sad, angry, or annoyed, you will punish them. You'll need to create an environment where your children feel that you are the person they can go to when they are in trouble. They love you but don't need to fear you. You want their respect and you will obtain that by giving tons of hugs and spending a lot of time with them just playing and talking. We think of children as little kids who don't have thoughts..but they do..hey are just lil ppl like us..So you have to imagine being in a situation where you are unable to express your emotions....it's hard for kids b.c they don't know the healthy way to express anger or frusteration. They need to know it's okay to feel it but not act on it-that they can come to you to talk about it and then maybe you can show them ways to end it- like playing soccer-kicking the ball, listening to music, or imagining their problem and physically blowing that image away. Kids have great imaginations!

you may also benifit from starting a token economy. Charts with their name son it-giv ethem a sticker every time they do something well. at the end they get to collect a reward. Kids eat this up!

Both animals and children have been proven to respond quicker and easier to rewards and soft speech than punishment and loud speech.  arewards can have immidiate responces in behaviour- like you'd see a change within a few hours or tow days at the most! punishment ppl barely ever see a change unless it is fear.

gl!

Answer 2

i started very young with my children a 3 second countdown whenever they were misbehaving. If after 3 seconds that hadn't stopped doing whatever started the countdown I show/explain the proper behavior then send them to time-out (until the tears stop, if any, otherwise a minute or 2). Always make sure first though that the kid's basic needs are met...i.e. he's not crying out of hunger or boredom. I have been very consistent with this and about 90% of the time I start countdown behavior is self-corrected before I even get to 2

Answer 3

The reason you can't control the three year old is because you haven't disciplined him.  The two year old is being a normal two year old (ever hear of "the terrible twos") and is behavin guite normally for his age.  He too needs discipline.  By the way discipline doesn't mean hitting, it means guiding, teaching, redirecting, praising the postive behavior and playing down the negative behavior.  Stop expecting your 3 year old to "be a good example for his younger brother" he is NOT responsible for his younger brother YOU are.  YOU need to do YOUR job as a parent rather than expecting your 3 year old to do it.     But you don't have to take my advice...I have only had three children, I come from a family of 7 children my late husband was from a family of 12 children and we were all raised bascially the same way.  Our parents did THEIR jobs of parenting rather than leaving it up to the older siblings.  And then too I'm not a Christian.  But my family is Catholic.

Answer 4

my boys r 14 months apart.they r 7 and 6 now. when they were at that age they fought all the time. they fought so bad they started to bite each other when they got mad. I tried every thing to stop them from biting. If you find you r getting mad walk away get your self together, then try different ways of discipline till something works. you have to show them authority and there r consequences for their actions.

there is a TV show called "the Nanny". she has some good discipline ideas.

Answer 5

i may not be a parent, but i was raised in a good way (well, from most point of view anyway). i often ask my mom if we were annoying little kids, especially in the church, but my mom says we were quiet and sat patiently.

i think there are two things you need to do:

1. good and strict school environment (he must be going to pre-school next year)

2. good discipline. it's okay to scold at your children once in awhile. it makes them feel they have done something wrong; but don't worry that's just the first normal reaction. when you go to comfort them after, you are given a chance to let them understand why you scolded at them.

tell them, that being at their best behavior is something good that God recognizes and they will go to heaven. I'm not really sure what to say, but that sounds logical.

just reinforce this teachings through reward systems such as praises when they behave good.

Answer 6

My daughter is VERY stoubern (SP) she has been since she was two....before that she was an absolute Joy to be around.  It is really a matter of finding what works....it seemed that no one thing would get my daughters attention when she was in trouble....so we had to mix it up.....I think it was the "ok what's gonna happen now" that finally got her to be better.  Now I'm not big on spanking....I think it should be reserved for more serious things....so it really depends on your personal preference.....My pastor thinks you should spank for every issue....so what I did was for fits, she would have to stand in the corner and hold still till either she stoped crying, or if she wasn't crying how ever old she was at the time was how long she stood there...(EX 3years=3 min) I have taken away all of her toys when she refused to pick them up.....it really just depends on what you see fit as punishment.....you are the adult and God gave you them to care for...he will never give you more than you can handle...even though with kids sometimes it sure can feel that way.....I ust kept telling myself "this too shall pass" and it did, my daughter is now almost 5 and hardly in trouble at all....though we are working more on her listining skills...but that is a sinch compaired to the 2, 3 and most of 4 issues.  Good luck to you!

Answer 7

Whenever your child does something wrong, have them go to a time out. Keep them there for how old they are. (like, for your 3 year old, keep them in time out for 3 minutes) Start the countdown after they stop crying. And give them rewards for being good. That's what my family does. And that seems like the Christian thing to do. Not bad for an atheist, eh?

Answer 8

You just have to be super consistant. My son was also very aggresive, and i completly understand where you are coming from. He needs consistant consequences. My son does really good with the count down. I will give him 5 seconds to stop what he is doing or he goes in the corner. He is almost 3 so he stands in the corner for 2 1/2 minutes. I'm not saying i have it all figured out because at times i also struggle, but my son has greatly improved. Just be consistant and stick by what you say. If you say no, never change it to yes. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 9

There really is no Christian point of view here.  It's just about virtues, and teaching patience.  

Just teach them temperance, so that their result would be much better.

But in the Christian view closest to this, it would be that aggression would make you lose control and might cause you to sin.

Answer 10

The only suggestions I have for you are to read a book called The Way of the Wild Heart.  It is by a Christian author and he tells what boys really need.  The other is that the whole spare the rod spoil the child thing in the Bible is misinterpreted.  They were talking about a shepherds crook.  The shepherd didn't hit the sheep with it, but gently guided them with it.  I have a little boy too, so I know they can be a challenge!!

Answer 11

Perhaps you aren't spending enough time doing what the 3 year old wants.  Taking the kid with you on errands isn't enough "me" time with the kid.  Try sitting down and playing with blocks or perhaps a puzzle or even reading some books.  Or anything the child wants to do.

Answer 12

3 yr olds are handfuls regardless. Often at this age, distraction works better then punishment. When you find yourself getting really frustrated, before you yell try a 'distract', like filling up the kitchen sink with water and some cups and put a little food coloring in it. It will buy you enough time to cool off and they'll forget what they were doing that was causing issues. "Playing pool" with swimsuits and bathtub works too. I've even gone as far as let them body paint with finger paints (it's messy, but it works). If the 3 yr old isn't scared of consequences for whatever reason, try and see if you were doing what I was and threatening alot and never following trough, or trying time out and eventually giving up because the kid won't stay in the corner. If either of these are something you're doing, if you can change it so you follow through, it takes a week or 2, but the difference is amazing and less stressful on everyone (especially you). If these don't work there is an awesome organization http://www.parentsasteachers.org they are huge helps!

Answer 13

Well how about consulting the pastor at your church. most offer classes for parents, and kids to help learn new skills. if the church can't help you i am sure your pastor can refer you and your family to the right people that can help. If you don't want to do that you can always aproach your family doctor & explain the problems, they are there for more than just medical reasons. those are the most solid two suggestions i can offer. everyone has problems like this so you are not alone.