I need advice about my bipolar husband?

Question

My husband is bipolar and is on disability. He only gets about $300 a month because he hasn't worked much. He's very anti-social b/c of his child hood. I have supported us for almost ten years and have not had a problem doing so. He takes care of the house, cleans, etc. and he's a wonderful father to our son. But with the failing economy these days, I am struggling horribly to make ends meet. I can barely afford food for us to eat and am drowning in debt. I have brought up the subject of him getting a part time job to help out but he thinks since he's on disability, he shouldn't have to work. I am really struggling to keep a roof over our heads. Any advice?

Answer 1

If you're drowing in debt it is only going to get worse.  You really have to start thinking about yourself at this point.  He is being selfish.  There is definately work out there for him.  He is being pure lazy.  Lots of people have it rough mentally and push through.  It is all part of life.  

Answer 2

take him to a pyschiatrist.

and just buy really cheap foods

Answer 3

Unfortunately this is what you have let him get accustom to. It is going to be very hard to change him but I am sure if you sit and talk to him & show him all the bills and income that is coming in and how it is not enough to make ends meet, He will understand that he needs to help 2

Answer 4

he is just being lazy i know many bipolar people that have full time jobs. tell him help me or get out  

Answer 5

If he got disability for bipolar disorder then he must have a very severe problem with mood swings that has not been alleviated by medication enough for him to work. It is so hard to get disability for bipolar disorder that I respect that his disability is actually debilitating for him.

Having said that, you could maybe suggest a cleaning service -- cleaning offices, etc., nothing overwhelming or gross, or a companion service -- being a non-medical caregiver, where he's at a job but still not with the stressors that make bipolar disorder a serious, debilitating disorder.

I cannot BELIEVE the answerers who said he was using his illness as an excuse. Bipolar disorder is REAL, people.

Is he handy? For about $200 a year he can get insurance to be a handyman and do repairs for people at their homes independently. The key is no-stress and working when he is feeling the best. He could go to vocational rehabilitation. They have a program called Entrepreneurs with Disabilities where people with disabilities can get support and grants to start their own microenterprise. Don't let Vocational Rehab jerk you and him around over this. They do too have it, but they want to limit the number of people in it.

That way he could do almost anything. It might take a few months to get it going, but once it is, he could have the same earning capacity that you do since he will be controlling his income.

I think the real long-term solution is for you to get some financial aid to go back to school for a better paying job. His disorder may cause more neurological damage and he may one day be permanently disabled so you should plan for that.

Until then find out if you qualify for food stamps, etc.

Best of luck to all of you.

Answer 6

my advise to you is to be strong and hang in there pray...

Answer 7

Tell him to get his head out of his own ar*e and get a job. i am bipolar and have NEVER claimed disability. I work. I have my bad days where I hate every second of it and have to fight myself to stay there, be nice and get on with it. I'm not saying it's going to be easy for him, and your gonna have to support him- especially as you've let him use the excuse for 10 years! I have to plan my time carefully and need someone to point out when i'm down or manic so i can schedule meetings etc accordingly- sometimes i get so worked up in something i don't realise I'm going to far. i've been known to stay at work all night wrapped up in a project and think i'm fine for the 10 meeting!!

if you help a little he must realise that its not as if he's lost both arms and legs, I'm assuming otherwise he's a healthish person. I'm not trying to say mental conditions are easy to live with- but they can be lived with and you must work in this society to pay your way, and to feed your children.

Answer 8

my aunts husband is bipolar. and he is the same way when it comes to work. although hes not on disability its always an excuse as to why he cant or shouldnt have to work. i dunno, its a tough situation. i dotn know how you put up with it. seeing what my aunt goes through with her husband i really would tell anyone who is in this situation to leave. he wont change obviously and he wont understand how much you are struggling and will always use his illness as an excuse. youre beating a dead horse and youve enabled it to go on for 10 years. i dunno. good luck .  

Answer 9

Stop trying to be the man of the house and make him feel your pain a bit. You could only go to the store for the bare necessities and I mean only get what you need, not what he wants. Be very very frugal with the money. And try not to live above your means. If he still doesn't want to help, then it seems like you need to be searching for other options about your relationship.

Answer 10

You have to break it down in a more matter of fact way. Tell him your family will not make it unless he at least gets a part time job. Tell him you will help him find something that suits him. With disability can he get foodstamps or any type of help?  

Answer 11

Mi dad was something like you describe, the toughest times are yet to come. We got luckily he got in a work-related accident and he still getting paid for it. If he doesn't like people maybe he should find something to sell on e-bay since at least you can afford Internet. good luck!! and patience.

Answer 12

i know it is horrible but buy the cheapest food poosible.  make him eat pb&j or something

Answer 13

Well I would not have married him. I be damned if I supported a man for 10yrs. Honestly all I can tell is that you should have never got married to him..SRY!