I need advice from mormons....? please help if you are LDS?

Question

ever since i was really little i would pick an important day (like the first day of school, or christmas, or my b-day or something) and then when that day came i would try to act perfect from that day on. i would read my scriptures every night, say my prayers twice a day, treat everyone really nice, etc. but if i messed up, like if i forgot to read scriptures one night, i would stop doing it all together until another important day came around and then i would try again. i know it sounds totally stupid, but i've done that since i was like three years old (and now i'm fourteen years old.)

anyway, for some reason i totally feel like once i mess up i have to wait until "a good time" to start trying my best again. i've always been a perfectionist, so i cant stand to mess up even a little. how can i get over this?

-i really want people of my faith to answer because hopefully they will be more understanding.

also, i know this sounds really stupid and its probably not a normal thing, but thats just the way i am. but i want to change that. how can i change that?

Answer 1

Well I feel that's what Sunday is for. It is a special day :D it is the day for us to renew the covenants with our Heavenly Father and tell him what we did wrong that week and tell him we will try to do better the next week. If you think of each Sunday as an important day and try to do better each week you will be just fine :D. Its a part of life we mess up each day :( we can learn from what we did wrong though that's the good thing that's why we are on this earth. Even the prophet isn't perfect he still strives each day to be a better person of course he is does a lot better job than us. Just start each day fresh and try to do better than the last. I need to work on saying my prayers each day and reading each day it doesn't go away you will always have to put forth the extra effort to do good each day. Good luck, just remember the church is for those who are not perfect but are trying to be a better person each day, if you have a bad week and mess up a lot then pray in sacrament and ask the Lord to help you do better the next week if you make Sunday a special day it will make your life so much better. Hope that helped

Answer 2

Jesus Christ said, Be ye therefore perfect even as your Father in Heaven is perfect. I know what you are saying; however, Christ said this to set the bar high. We all know we cannot ever be perfect in this life, that is why we repent daily.

Here is the answer to your question...You can be PERFECT at praying every day, read reading your scriptures, attending church weekly. You can be perfect at some things every day and work on being better on others. Soon a day will be most perfect and when you die, Jesus will welcome you into His arms and say, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant."

You are awesome. You know God loves you. Just try to be a little better every day and you will be just fine. Farewell. :0)

Answer 3

So often we forget that we can not be perfect in this life.  This is the time to learn how to be perfect, but not to actually be perfect.  Pres. Hinckley gave several wonderful talks about "doing your best".  Your best will not be perfect.  But as long as you do your best, that's your kind of perfect.  I think we tend to get disheartened when we mess up and we forget that the Saviour came for that very purpose.  If we could be perfect, there would be no need for an atonement and therefore, no need for a Saviour.

I think you need to start with forgiving yourself.  You need to remember you're a child of God and that He loves you.  He's rooting for you.  He's not condemning you.

You change it by making up your mind to change it.  You start today.  You don't wait for a "special day".

EDIT:  This is my favorite scripture: http://scriptures.lds.org/en/ether/12/27...  It tells you to just turn your weaknesses over to God and He will make them strengths.

Answer 4

Remember, life is hard yard by yard but inch by inch it's a cinch! Heavenly Father knows you are only human,and forgives your shortcomings, so cut yourself some slack- and just keep trying.  By the way, this is more "normal" than you think.

Answer 5

What you are describing is actually pretty typical human behavior.  You think that if you can start something with some kind of extra hype then it will motivate you to keep whatever commitment it is you are trying to keep.

Its also a bad habit you might want to try to just stop because you will likely fail everytime.  

You need to work on your willpower and ability to commit and stay committed to a goal.  Your problem isnt when you start.  It is that you cant stay on track.  

Dont make everything such a big production.  Its not an all or nothing thing to read the scriptures or say your prayers.  Take it day by day.  Instead of saying I am going to read my scriptures every day for the year, just tell yourself I am going to read them every day this week.  If you miss a day then no big deal, start the week over.

When you make your goals seem too large then you can get frustrated and its easy to lose sight of the purpose.

If you can practice goal setting and more self control it will help you in all areas of your life, not just spiritually.

Answer 6

Nearly everyone has times/days that the evaluate their progress (New Years resolutions, birthdays, etc.) so your thoughts are normal in that respect.

When we feel that we have "failed" it is very easy to give up and stop trying.

Here is what I do, since it is soooo easy to be overwhelmed on the path to perfection.

I pick one thing that I want to work on and I really focus on that.  So if the "thing" that I want to work on is reading my scriptures every day and really getting something out of my study, then I work on that.  When it is no longer difficult for me to do and has become a habit and I do it without thiking of it, then I work on something else, like writing in my journal, saying meaningful prayers, smiling more and showing the joy of knowing that I am a daughter of God, being more patient in trials, repenting, tithing, and so on . . .

That way I don't get overwhelmed and am able to work little by little, building line upon line.

Hope that helps a little bit.

Answer 7

I'm not a Mormon, but it sounds like you have a works based view of religion.

The Bible says we are saved by Grace thru Faith in Jesus and what Jesus did for us on the cross, and not by works of our own.  See Eph 2:8,9

See the link below which will show you how to have a relationship with Jesus, Who is God who became flesh to save us from our sins.

http://www.godlovestheworld.com/

Answer 8

I do this too, so you aren't alone. The key is to recognize the issue, and to try and make it better. Father doesn't expect us to be perfect right now. He expects us to try our hardest. No matter who we are, sometimes we forget that our hardest is more than we are doing. It's so easy to get busy with life and forget about the spiritual aspect of things.

Maybe take it a week at a time, or even a day, at a time. Maybe wright a note and put it on your mirror where you will see it every day as a reminder to do one of the things you mentioned. Start with one of the things you struggle with, and once that becomes a habit, move to something else. Also, try to remember that just reading the scriptures isn't going to give you what you need from them. Yes, reading is good, but pondering what you read is going to give you more out of it. If you forget to read one day, think about what you read the day before, and maybe pray about getting more understanding.

Maybe you could find a reading chart that you can mark off every day. Or do a reward system. Set up a chart and if you read every day for a month, or even a week, give yourself a special treat. Something you really like, but don't get that often. Tell others what you are doing, and have them help to remind you about your goal. Others can be a great motivator!

*EDIT*

Man, everyone else had the same ideas! Sorry, but they really are good ideas!

Answer 9

Your thoughts are normal.  It is a normal outgrowth of the heathen notion of the Almighty.  Realize that without the Savior YAHOSHUA you can do NOTHING.  Salvation is all about HIM,,, (not you)

Answer 10

Remember the scripture... by small things shall great things come to pass? Maybe if you keep this scripture in your head, you will realize the importance to keep going, even if you do mess up.

I have read my scriptures everyday since... April so far. I kind of used to be like you. When I was in primary, I would misbehave or not pay attention in Sunday School. Then I would think... next year  I'll do better, when I'm in a different class. That went on for a few years until I got to be in Young Womens. With my scriptures, I would think... tomorrow I'll make up for it, tomorrow... and tomorrow never came. Then, I told myself that I needed to read at least one scripture a day so that I will still get something out of it.

One little phrase that I try to remember is, "think daily". It really makes a difference. What can I do today? Also, maybe you should put a reminder somewhere in your room. Like a sign that says "scriptures"! It's all about discipline. No matter how tired you are, you just have to only read one scripture, so then at least you don't miss a day.

Every single day counts. If you miss a day, and then wait a few months until a good time, then that's missing so much time. That would be more unperfectionist like. I think you should try and think of scriptures, prayers.. etc.. in their own little category. Cause it sounds like you're relating them to something like the school year. Once you mess up, then you'l have to wait until the next school year. Something like that. Just think of it seperate from everything else.

Answer 11

Well, I'm not LDS anymore, but I was from age 15 to 23, so I think I can still qualify as understanding where you are coming from.  And I promise to only answer this from that point of view.

Trying to do everything you feel is expected of you is impossible, we're human beings, we simply aren't perfect.  But there is one who is, you know that, Jesus Christ, who died for your sins, so if you feel like you are faltering, spend time in prayer, talk to him, he's there and is ready to listen.  If you feel like this is a persistent problem for you, that is what your church leaders are there for you, to help you figure out what direction to take.  

As for cures for the perfectionism...it's kind of like dieting is for me...I do really good for awhile and then I mess up and then it's down hill for me, thats when I start to gain weight again and get upset with myself.  Lately I've tried approaching this with a different mentality, not to eat and diet perfectly...but BETTER!  If you are intent on having a daily pattern of how you display your faith to yourself and others, then resolve to do these things BETTER, but not perfectly, because there is only one who is truly perfect, to expect the same of yourself is to say you are equal to him.  Hope that helps.  Maybe try not having a specific thing you have to do, instead just be content to read the words of god, to constantly be in prayer, instead of at specific times.

Jenlyn

Answer 12

How about using sunday as the "special day" - it's the sabbath, you renew your covenants and start all over again!

Your thinking is very common with people who don't feel like they have control over their lives or struggle with an addiction - you're not the only person in the world who thinks that way.  It's actually very common - and even among people who aren't addicted to things.

Also - you're not going to be perfect - you're not perfect - you don't have enough knowledge or experience to be perfect - so your "perfection" is an illusion - hence the need for the sacrament.   You set yourself up to fail when you think this way....its what is called i npsychology a "thinking error" - everybody makes them, they are unavoidable because we're human.  

   Becoming secure with yourself and the atonement of christ - will help you overcome this thinking and be able to be more consistent.

On a very positive note - you're still in the faith!

Just keep at it.  

Also - I might suggest that you set "start times" that are doable for you to be "perfect" - goals need to be simple, realistic and achievable. (Even the loftiest goals are made of simple tasks).   Rather than aiming for "perfection" - simply aim for something simpler - like reading my scriptures twice a week AND recomitting to do it again if I miss it this week.  Set a start time for your goal - tuesday I will start at 7am and read for 10 minutes, thursday I will start at 7am and read for 10 minutes.  Everything else is bonus but I WILL do it at that time.   Do that for a while and then incorporate other things....you'll slowly bit by bit fulfill matthew 5:48.....

Answer 13

When you fall off the wagon, just hop right back on and keep going.  We all have times when we falter and do things we shouldn't or stop doing the things we should. This is what the atonement is for, so that we don't have to be perfect.  

Just don't be so hard on yourself. Don't wait for a special occasion to do the right thing, do it now.

Just remember that you are mortal and that all mortals are imperfect. You are a daughter of God and no matter how many times you fall, He will still love you, never forget that.