I need advice on a 10 year old girl.?

Question

My little girl seems to be blah all the time. Kind of like Eyore. (She is a very negative girl.) Seems like it is un-cool to be happy. This has been going on for about a year and is getting worse. She tries hard NOT to smile. I told her this morning how pretty the sky was and she said "What is so pretty about it". When I talk to her about it, she thinks I am just fussing, and that makes her worse. I do not know what to do with her. I just want her to be happy. She is bringing the whole family down.

Does anyone have any advice? Know of any positive thinking books she could read. She likes to read and understands books well. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT.

Answer 1

I have a 10yr old who is in a similar phase, I call it a phase because that's what I feel it is. I think if you take her to a doc it could create a worse situation and isolate her more. With our daughter if you tell her no it ruins everything, the whold world falls aprat, and it's not just hers, it puts our whole family into a tizzy. We've been working on positive re-inforcemnt with her and it really seems to be helping. I've been working on not getting frustrated with her when she gets into her slump. Try some alone witm with her, take her skating, to a move, shopping, or better yet, take her to the book store and get her some new books. Just keep incouraging her to thikn positive and tell her you just want her to smile, my daughte does that too where she tries not to smile and one day I had just had enough and I told her that is her way of being disobediant and I want her to stop. She has, I think whats helped her get through it is the positve re-inforcement. Good Luck

Answer 2

First I would talk to her teachers and see how she is at school.  Maybe its just home she is like that.  Second I would have her talk to a counselor.  Phases don't last over a year.  Good luck!

Answer 3

It's tough.  When I was younger (a boy) I was sorta like this.  I just felt WEIRD talking to my parents about silly things like the sky and how proud they were of me.  I didn't even like them singing happy birthday at my birthday parties.

I still am like that but I think I turned out all right.  It's just WEIRD talking to adults or having "mom-daughter" or "dad-son" time.  Maybe I'm crazy for feeling that way, but to me, it's just awkward.

The most I ever bond with my parents is now because they help me out with finances while I'm in college and they don't harrass me about stuff anymore like cleaning my room or anything.  Gaining some independence did WONDERS for my relationship with them.

Although that's a tough solution for your situation seeing as how shes only 10.

Answer 4

My only advice is this: Pray! I don't know if your a christian or not but prayer really does make a difference. God is just waiting on us to come to him when we relaize there is nothing we can do and we need His help. Pray that God would fill her up with joy and with his love.

Answer 5

sit her down you and her dad and ask her what is the problem why she cant smile any more and ho has told her not to smile because some has believe me a 10year old does not just stop smiling for nothing something is going on in her head if she wont tell you tell her you are taking her to see the doctor it might shock her in to telling you if not go speak to one and tell them you are worried and you think she needs help

Answer 6

Are you the kind of Mom that expects perfection?

Like if she makes her bed, cleans her room, draws a picture, gets a C+ on a test...would you go back fix the wrinkle in the bed, say the room needs more cleaning, the drawing could have been better or she could have studied harder for the test?

When you live with adults that never like what you do you can totally get discouraged and nothing looks right or good.  And, if you don't do anything you don't get yelled at thusly you can blend into the wallpaper and be left alone.

I know her, she was me at 10.  

Overprotected I figured its better to avoid than to confront.. you live and survive.

I found a good man that I married at 21.. who took me away from my 'perfect' family I learned that it was okay to leave a wrinkle or two, to laugh very loud without being told it was too loud, to sweat without being hauled into the house for 'making myself sick', to be imperfect and yet loved.

Pray she finds someone like I did that made me happy.

Answer 7

I think you should take her with a specialist just to be on the safe side that it's not depression or just a phase in her life.

Answer 8

Well maybe she has a problem at school or something that is making her upset. Get someone she will talk to and see if that is the case or not. But maybe she needs time with the whole family. Go on a picnic, go bike riding,rollar skating,or just do something that SHE loves to do. Do something that no matter how hard she tries will make her smile! Get her a joke book or do a family event like a family fasion show or something. Make her feel like there is nothing to be negative about. And if all else fails try to give her some time she will get better maybe she needs time with the family or she needs someone to talk to or she needs time to herself!! Hope this helped a little bit!

Answer 9

Yeah, p*****n angst is not as hard on the p*****n as it is on everyone around that p*****n! I have a 11 year old boy that is the same way.  He will not smile for pictures, tries hard to not laugh, and is sure that nothing is fair, fun, or is as good as it sounds.  Our family has just come to accept that he is going through something that he can change, not us so we just try to ignore it.  We used to try and get him out of his funk but it just made him try to be gloomier.  I call it her cat phase just because cats always seem to be brooding, sullen, and self contained whereas a dog seems to always want to be jolly and play.  I long for the dog phase again! LOL

Answer 10

maybe shes just in the stage of transition, any kid of some sort, might be in some unsure stage of self. why dont you seek some psychological advice? am sure it will help for you to understand in dept the situation of your child.

Answer 11

Take her to the doctor or a child psycholigist. In your shoes, I'd want to know if it was a phase, depression, or a part of her personality. Its just seems a bit off that she's want to be negative all the time. Its not healthy for her or her relationships with other people (especially your family that has to live with her!).

Answer 12

You need to take her to a doctor to find out if there is anything physically wrong with her. Explain to him what is going on. If there is nothing physical wrong, she may have a mental health issue. She may be depressed. If she is neither of those things, start being very choosy about who you let her hang out with. Pick her friends for her. Sometimes kids start hanging out with little shitbags who think they are cool to act like little jerks. Let her know that it is not acceptable. Good luck.

Answer 13

I went through this with my daughter. I ended up finding out she was being sexual abused by someone at her dad's house, for years, it then led to actual rape when she was 12.

I found out by reading her notes. I also learned about her and who she hangs out with, and all the worries and issues she was facing. A lot of the time, it was kids at school. Kids can be so cruel.

I then became highly involved at school. I was able to keep a close eye on what was going on.

Then I would share what I seen. For example, I would say something to my daughter, about how I may have seen how one girl was bullying another girl, and how it made me feel, and what I did about it.

Once you learn her surroundings, you will learn alot about her, and it's a great way to develope great communication skills with her.

You also have to be careful about directly asking a question, like, "are you happy?" "is everything ok" Most kids this age, don't know how to express why they are feeling the way they are.

We also found a church that is upbeat and hip. We started going to an Assemblies of God church. They have an awesome way of connecting with kids.

I hope this help, and hang in there, she will go through many many changes.