I need advice on dealing with anger.?

Question

I'm going to loose my boyfriend and my friends if i don't stop snapping on them. I don't even know what makes me mad.. but every time they goof up i am so mean. I realize I over-react afterwards.. but at the time it's a very big deal to me..

i love them and it makes me sad when i think back on my actions.. i just don't know how to control my emotions.. do you think i need medication? Is eighteen years old too young for medication?

Answer 1

just think things through a little bit more before snapping.

Answer 2

You can talk to 10 different people (including so-called counseling professionals) and get 10 totally different answers, so take everything you hear with a grain of salt.

My own personal opinion? You can try meditation or prayer or medication, but none of that stuff is a serious long-term solution to your problem. They are just band-aids.

I imagine that you get so angry because you strongly feel that the world should be different than it is, and that your friends should think and act different than they do, and then you get hit with cognitive dissonance when reality crashes in and ruins your idealistic views of how friends should act, and you lash out at people.

There is no easy way out of this, but what you simply must do is think long and hard about changing your internal attitudes of what is tolerable, and what is intolerable (and never listen to anyone who says that this means you should "never judge people," because that's just stupidity talking). It may upset you a lot to realize this, but you will always get upset by the world until YOU change your attitudes of what the world should be like, and how people should operate within it.

How can you do such a thing? By understanding why people do what they do. This is why older people in life generally tend to be happier and less mad at the world (although there are some poor souls who just grumpier in old age, and you don't want to end up like them).

As for suggested reading, you might consider Toru Sato's "The Ever-Transcending Spirit: The Psychology of Human Relationships, Consciousness, and Development" (2003), although he can be a bit flaky at times. If you want to learn about emotions in a sociological game theory perspective (not scientifically, but I'm just talking about easy reads here), then consider reading "The Evolution of Cooperation" (1985) by David Axelrod, and the landmark classic, "Passions Within Reason" (1988) by Robert H. Frank (by far the best book in the bunch). Another more recent book by Frank that looks really interesting to me (but which I haven't read) is "What Price the Moral Highground? Ethical Dilemmas in Competitive Environments" (2005) by Robert H. Frank.

In the end though, my advice to you is basically as simple as the cheesy slogan Dr. Phil used to pose to his guests: Do you want to be right, or do you want to happy? In the end, this is what it all comes down to, and nobody can choose for you besides yourself.

Answer 3

It's okay to feel that. Sometimes you just feel angry because of all the problem in your life or the bad things that happened to you in the past that makes you so full of anger. I think you just need to let it out, cry if you want to, punch something. Anything that makes you feel better. Just don't hold it inside. You will go crazy if you do that.

Answer 4

If you are going off over every little thing, even the small things that don't matter, and it is happening more often, and you have no control over your actions at that time, then you might want to talk to a professional about it. I know we have great remorse for the things we said and how we acted, and sometimes we don't even remember the things we do and say. I would see someone and they may recommend a mood stabilizer to help control the mood swings. If you don't get a handle on it early, then it can ruin a lot in your life, and you are young. If you get help, I would let your boyfriend and friends know that, because I'm sure they would stick by you. But if you continue to get crazy on them, they may turn away. You are not too young for medication, I would get started now so you can enjoy the rest of your life, without the kaos and turmoil.  

Answer 5

Finally a question i know LOL... you say every time "they" goof up , ya jus gotta realize that people are people and they will gooof up and , thier entitled to thier goof up... thats how they learn. now that you realize you overreact you have a much better chance at not overreacting :D ya see what i'm sayin, i would by all means use medications as a last resort:)

Answer 6

You may need medication but only a doctor can determine that for sure. 18 is not too young for medication, though. You need to get a diagnosis from a professional before things get any worse.

Good luck!! : /